Does the average guy have a chance?

What are you looking for?

I am an average guy and find it pretty easy to find women (interesting, attractive women) who want to go out with me. Yeah, it takes a little bit of work and not every first date includes a spark (although generally I find if it doesn't include one for her then it also doesn't include one for me), but overall not all that hard to find somebody to date.

Mr. Obvious wrote:

What are you looking for?

I am an average guy and find it pretty easy to find women (interesting, attractive women) who want to go out with me. Yeah, it takes a little bit of work and not every first date includes a spark (although generally I find if it doesn't include one for her then it also doesn't include one for me), but overall not all that hard to find somebody to date.

I'm just looking for a nice girl. There have been some that I've got along well with, although I'm not really trying to make the ultimate 'spark' call on a first date. I like to actually get to know someone before writing them off. I feel like I'm not getting a chance for women to get to know me (I'm a little nervous on first dates) primarily because I'm not 'hot' enough for them.

Don't define yourself as average, and go do something that isn't.

If you are attractive enough for them to agree to a first date then it is not your looks that are causing you to lose out on a second date. It is probably your nervousness--they smell nervousness. The ultimate spark is not necessary, my only goal on a first date is to see if I am interested in having a second date.

Hmm, well I hope it is the nerves, I can work on that... not too much I can do about my looks. Although I still think having more above average looks would help me get past my initial nerves. My self-confidence has taken a hit recently.

If you got a first date your looks probably aren't the problem.

I'd be willing to bet that all you do is talk - there is no fun and flirtation. She's looking for a boyfriend, not some random dude with whom she can carry on a mediocre conversation. If you are really relaxed and start to flirt and tease, and your date likes you, she will reciprocate. If does not reciprocate, then you know she probably does not like you and a second date is not in the works. You really just have to learn the signs that a girl likes you.

A Skeptic wrote:

If you got a first date your looks probably aren't the problem.

Good answers so far.

If you truly are average looking, then you should have the capability of getting laid every night of the week from different women.

It's all about your attitude and approach.

My guess is that you need to display a bit more confidence. Even if you don't have the confidence, FAKE IT! Second, you need to add alcohol into the equation. Suddenly, when both of you have a good buzz going, the spark appears.

A Skeptic wrote:

If you got a first date your looks probably aren't the problem.

I kind of hope you're right. Wasn't it George on Seinfeld that said something like, "Oh, so what. I'd rather she hate me and thought I was good looking."

Maybe I should mention that I'm setting these dates up online, so they do see pictures of me. But I'm thinking maybe I'm less attractive in person. Maybe I should look for worse pictures of myself so I can be sure it's not the looks thing when they meet me.

whatever you do on a first date do not talk about running. There are enough lesbians in the world already.

Where do you live? A big city like New York or Boston?

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FAKE IT! [/quote]

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This is so true - in all things, we are selling. Or we are all in show business.

That only counts for the first few dates, of course. After that you have to find that you can be your true relaxed self around the person. You don't want to have to fake it for long.

average guy its not your looks. Women love confident men who can engage them. Don't interview the women and do flirt with them. They need to see that you are into them to get that spark to develop.

Relax and have fun

Hey OP.

I'm below-average in the face department (21 y.o. female), but with a pretty attractive and unique body type (tall, slim). My face is uncute, so despite my efforts at being a funny and interesting person, most guys aren't into the idea of dating me. Butterfaces are for one-night stands, right?

It's a tough world.

But speaking of "spark"... It does occur for some people, but I know several couples who cultivated that attraction over a longer period of time. And for some, companionship is more important than butterflies in your stomach. I would be happy dating and/or marrying a man I simply liked and respected. Not advocating arranged marriages, but those tend to warm up as they progress, whereas our passion-based "Western" marriages often cool with time.

Since most girls are after the "spark" element, I second the notion of confidence-building. Work on that art of manliness stuff, most girls find it sexy.

I live in Baltimore.

Ha, I'm kind of glad people don't think it's my looks. I at least can work on other things. I'm not sure how I'm going to fake confidence as some suggest, but maybe I'll try. I guess I was hoping some women would realize I'm just a little nervous at first and give me the benefit of the doubt, but so far that hasn't happened. So I just assumed it was because I'm not attractive enough for them or the elusive 'spark'. This 'spark' thing has happened to me 3 times in a row, and it really made me down on myself.

average_guy wrote:

I live in Baltimore.

That explains everything. Most girls here have been jaded by rich, arrogant d-bags and/or white trash wiggers. To get a decent girl here you have to be rich, funny and confident. Or the girl has to be really, really drunk. You have to understand that most decent women in this area A) Already have kids and/or are married, or B) Have so many horrible past experiences that they won't even look at an average guy. They're forever ruined and will spend their whole lives bar-hopping and smoking cigarettes.

Last man sitting wrote:

average_guy wrote:

I live in Baltimore.

That explains everything. Most girls here have been jaded by rich, arrogant d-bags and/or white trash wiggers. To get a decent girl here you have to be rich, funny and confident. Or the girl has to be really, really drunk. You have to understand that most decent women in this area A) Already have kids and/or are married, or B) Have so many horrible past experiences that they won't even look at an average guy. They're forever ruined and will spend their whole lives bar-hopping and smoking cigarettes.

Ha, I hope that's not true. I relocated to Baltimore from the midwest. Maybe I'm having trouble adapting to Baltimore women. It's really hard to hit on the girls that are in the bars here, well for me it is anyway.

If you are worried about your looks, there are things you can do. And no, I don't mean surgery, just get a decent haircut, dress nicely, shave, have good posture, etc.

OP - Where are these first dates at? Dinner at a restaurant?? How would you rate these women in the looks dept?