Is Monogamy Unrealistic?

"Is Monogamy Unrealistic?"

Depends.

For some it apparently does not work. For others it may. For most? I don't know. But I would posit a few things.

1) Using the word "cheating" to describe this behavior is moronic. Such language implies a game (which neither sex nor marriage should be), with rules (which is no way to live or love).

2) Whether or not one has sex outside of one's primary sexual relationship (assuming one has a primary sexual relationship) is the business only of oneself and one's sexual partner. Anyone else interested is a pervert (how else would you describe someone interested in what anyone else does with their genitals?).

3) The notion that this is a moral issue on a a societal level or a religious issue is absurd (see #2). It is only a moral issue insofar as it impacts those directly involved and it is only their business.

4) Humans are, to a significant degree, self creators (assuming there is such a thing as free will). As such what is realistic or not for an individual is largely a question of choice. What do you choose for yourself (don't answer that, I'm not interested)?

In my experience more women than men I know of are unfaithful, and they are also much more deceitful about it, so she's off her rocker on the men can't be faithful and women can comment. That's just f***en ridiculous. Anyone that's not living under a shell can see that women cheat on men all the time, there's just not a big of deal made about it. Look at the rihanna situation. She got into a fight because of her cheating on chris brown,chris got demonized and she was treated as a saint.

Basically a reverse situation happens w/ Tiger and Tiger is clearly the criminal here, never mind he got attacked with a f***en golf club.

Wow, two great intelligent responses on a row on this board; which must be a record here ;-)

I think you both make great and cogent observations.

If we factor in how many relationships do not end up in commitment or marriage, then fidelity is really a losing proposition and monogamy so rare it might as well be a myth...held out like a dream... That few ever experience.

When I got married 20 years ago, I made a promise to be faithful. Keeping promises can difficult, but that doesn't justify breaking them.

It's that simple.

Getting Real... wrote:

Go from memory, studies show that over 70's of marriages have infidelity -- and contrary to urban myth, it is not mostly the men doing it. It is about 50-50 gender wise.

Statistics in this area vary widely.

suckmykiss wrote:

Look at the rihanna situation. She got into a fight because of her cheating on chris brown,chris got demonized and she was treated as a saint.

1) Rihanna and Brown weren't married. They never took wedding vows. Infidelity to a boyfriend/girlfriend isn't such a big deal. Until you're engaged or married you're playing the field.

2) Brown beat Rihanna. Beating up a woman is a very big deal.

I agree with "Well". When I got married 25 years ago, I took a vow to remain faithful. Since that date, I have done just that. Thankfully, I have a great marriage and consider the fact that we trust each other to be a key ingredient for our happiness.

Tiger did not commit a crime by screwing around and Lance did not commit a crime by shooting up HGH and steroid so lay off those two will you !

Booooorrrrrinnngggggg.

Our ideas about it are (thanks Disney) but the concept itself is pretty reasonable.

Getting Real... wrote:

I suspect that most of you who think Tiger is evil for this are either right wing religious whack jobs who think you or religion, or your religion, can and should actually control others, or you are just jealous, or even just generally hateful and control freakish.

What?

You're a f***ing idiot.

A lot of people who can't stay faithful to their spouse or the one they love rationalize it by claiming monogamy isn't natural. Is it natural? Hell, I don't know. Of course, animals aren't monogamous, but we aren't just animals. Human beings do a lot of things that aren't 'natural'. Committing generous acts of charity isn't natural - you won't find that in the animal kingdom. What i do know is that when adults screw around outside of marriage they cause pain to their spouses and they cause pain to their kids. Kids really get hurt in these scenarios.

I've been faithful to my wife of 20 years. I don't think I'm an unnatural person, and I don't think I'm a superman. I just have a hard time lying to people I love, and if I ever got caught I would have a really hard time facing my kids. My wife is a super person who has been a completely devoted mother to our kids. I know that if i ever cheated on her and got caught (and by the way, most DO get caught eventually), they would never view me the same way. Even though they might forgive me, some of the damage would be irreparable. I would always be viewed as the asshole who hurt her. That is not something I want to carry around with me for the rest of my life.

I think monogamay is very realiztic for responsible upstanding adults. The key to monogamy is open communication between spouses and a realization by both that sex is much more when it is with someone you love and are committed to. What is the purpose in chasing after somebody new when you have a loving spouse at home?

And, as long as we are on the subject, have you ever seen a grown man naked?

Playa!

The answer is NO.

Find any guy that has a gorgeous gf or wife, and you'll find a guy that's bored and tired of f#cking her.

Look at just about ANY male that reaches a certain status has a slew of woman. Rock stars, athletes, movie celebs, politicans... any man that has p$ssy thrown at him 24/7 will eventually take it.

Any woman that marries a guy that it's this position should know the deal going in, or move on. Most women will marry and take the cash and then act indigant when the man eventually gets outed for having some tail on the side.

You can love your wife AND bang the local waitress you meet like a screen door in a hurricane. The two acts are not incompatible.

you are a bigot just like the religious people you generalize.

Your photos were SO HOTTT!

Cpt Ahab wrote:

The answer is NO.

Find any guy that has a gorgeous gf or wife, and you'll find a guy that's bored and tired of f#cking her.

Look at just about ANY male that reaches a certain status has a slew of woman. Rock stars, athletes, movie celebs, politicans... any man that has p$ssy thrown at him 24/7 will eventually take it.

Any woman that marries a guy that it's this position should know the deal going in, or move on. Most women will marry and take the cash and then act indigant when the man eventually gets outed for having some tail on the side.

You can love your wife AND bang the local waitress you meet like a screen door in a hurricane. The two acts are not incompatible.

Good luck getting a quality woman to marry you while accepting this condition on the front end. Would you marry a woman who tells you she will always love you but will need something on the side from time to time?

Back to the original question - is it natural? My point is that I do not know if it's natural, but maybe that's the wrong question. Maybe the question should be, is it right? Human beings make all kind or judgments about what's right or wrong, whether we want to or now. If you determine monogamy is right, you've made a moral judgment. If you determine monogamy is unnatural, you've also made a moral judgment. As much as human beings try, they cannot remove themselves from the burden of judgment making. They are the only creatures who have consciousness and can think abstractly.

Isn't that what Dostoyevsky's character Raskolnikov tried to do in Crime and Punishment? Try to prove that a man could transcend the consequences of moral judgment making? That's why he kills the woman, as an experiment. Except it didn't work. He was tortured by it, even though he tried very hard to rationalize it and convince himself it shouldn't bother him.

If a man's wife gives him permission to fool around, that is one thing (although a little weird). But if a guy has sex outside of marriage without permission, he may be doing something 'natural' in his mind, but he is still being dishonest. He is still lying. He can't pretend he is an animal who doesn't comprehend the concept of lying. He is a moral being, whether he likes it or not.

"He is still lying."

No, he is withholding information. He is lying only if she asks.