How you respond to parents pressuring you to get married and have children?

Let me guess: you are very ugly. Am I right?

Looking,

Let me give you more advice a bit more concrete/practical in nature. It seems like you are a decent guy and some of your relatives are pretty dense. Although you obviously won't say most of the comments suggested by others you need need to be very strong and assertive with these people. I don't know if this fits with your personality but this is my suggestion.

The first time its brought up at the party use in-your-face humor and be loud! Don't answer any question but re-frame the whole subject. Declare in a loud voice, with a smile, WHY DOES EVERYONE IN THIS FAMILY ALWAYS ASK ME THIS QUESTION??? (Don't let them answer, interrupt them if they try) Then say, "Now Aunt Sue I want you to listen to me very carefully (pause for drama) Repeat what I say, "Tommy is very very happy" (make them repeat it) "And I won't tell him he needs to be married again"

If they try to bring it up go through your lesson for them again.

Smile but be assertive.

Well, I get your point. I should say that it always seems that whenever I go to these gatherings, the topic of me getting into a relationship eventually comes up. Maybe it won't be something as blunt as "When are you going to be married?". Most of the time, they will try to set me up with someone - like one of their friend's daughters or something. I know they have good intentions and are looking out for me, but it puts me on the spot.

If I were to be brutally honest with them, I'd say something like "marriage is overrated" or I'm not parent material - both of which I believe. Most of these folks are 60-70 yr old range and are set in their old school ways of thinking. I try to avoid getting into any extended discussions on the topic.

What I do these days when confronted with the topic is that I tell them that I haven't found the right person yet and redirect the conversation to another topic.

What I do these days when confronted with the topic is that I tell them that I haven't found the right person yet and redirect the conversation to another topic.[/quote]

That seems to make a lot of sense.

Additionally, maybe could still could try and get a couple allies and privately tell them you need their help to get other family members to stop asking and making personal references like that.

(On an aside and at great risk of doing what your relatives are doing I have to say you might be a bit tough on yourself when you say you are not parent material. I don't know of many single guys who feel they are parent material.-sorry about that)

Alert, Alert wrote:

The reality is I don't want to get married. I love my single life and the freedom that comes with it. I do what I want when I want to and the thought of getting married is like a jail sentence for me. I do want to have kids though

Wait, what? You love the freedom of your single life and you don't want to give that up, but you want kids? Buddy, the restrictions to your freedom that marriage brings are a tiny fraction of those that kids bring. If you view marriage as s jail sentence then kids are... heck, I don't even know. 20-life with Dora the Explorer on CD playing 24/7.

This is like refusing to buy a car because you hate debt and don't like material possessions, but planning to buy a huge house with a pool because.

Do like we do in Texas. Bring that cute skinny tight assed 10K runner boy home to mom and dad. It'll shock them at 1st. Just tell them that you are experimenting and will get over him soon. Your folks may faint when you announce that you two will be going into the U.S. Navy together on the Buddy Program, and will be shipmates for four years. So much love !

Ah, an age-old question.

There is no good or standard way to navigate these waters--every situation is different. It's different depending on your gender, your sexual preference, your religion, your country, your caste, whatever!

Having gone through this for a long time, for me it was/is annoying. I can hold my own anywhere--just be yourself and don't feel that you have to apologize for the decisions you have made. And don't let the "normal" life exist unquestioned as the de facto standard against which all else is judged. Then you will be fine, and have discussions rather than arguments.

Deeeeez NUTZ