My bf away in college sounds so different just after a week

Long distance relationships are tough.

feeling down wrote:

Don't be too harsh, please. I really thought we were meant to be together and that he would be my kid's dad one day.

It's better you found out he's a lying cheat now, then after he became your kid's dad.

Be harsh on him. Go medieval on his sorry ass.

sounds like a crappy situation. maybe he is cheating on you. either that, or he is genuinely wiped from all the work. The worst part is you helped "financially" that wasn't the best decision, i bet you feel used. be honest with him that's my advice. however, don't "nag" him, that never helps.

Oh no, hate to say this but it doesn't sound good. How were things between you before you left?

You helped him out financially?? Crap. He's a jerk for the way he's acting.

Don't call him. You have called him far too much. If he calls, you should be "on your way out the door to meet some friends." Try to sound like you have a life outside him even if you don't right now. But work on that.

So sorry to hear this. I know it hurts.

Gazelle1 wrote:

Oh no, hate to say this but it doesn't sound good. How were things between you before you left?

You helped him out financially?? Crap. He's a jerk for the way he's acting.

Don't call him. You have called him far too much. If he calls, you should be "on your way out the door to meet some friends." Try to sound like you have a life outside him even if you don't right now. But work on that.

So sorry to hear this. I know it hurts.

reading the other responses; he may have cheated on you and feels horrible. this is better than no regret...

I hate to say it but your bf wants to explore and try new things. You need to be prepared for the break up which will most likely come sooner or later. Long distance relationships dont always work but they do work. Maybe he is stressed out who knows. Maybe you need to examine yourself aswell. You might be pushy but dont feel like you are. Just give him some space. Also what my work is if you try to get some dates and if he calls be like well I went out with some "friends" too. Guys hate this and he will either come crawling back or he will have to have the talk. Which either way you will know whether he wants to stay with you or break it off. Good luck.

Go get laid. Seriously, it's the only sensible thing you can do right now.

feeling down wrote:

Now, when I was visiting last weekend he already had orientation and he had told me that "people were very nice" and that a senior (a girl) had come to talk to him and “was very friendly." So tonight I said, did you go out with the girl who talked to you at orientation? And he said, yes. But then he changed the subject immediately.

Nobody cheating on their girlfriend is going to say a girl "was very friendly". The key to knowing he's cheating on you is when he never mentions ANY girls at all. While he might be in the process of breaking up with you, I doubt it's over another woman unless he's a retard.

Why is manipulation and game playing the best solution? I agree with much that was said, this situation does sound crappy and it may turn out poorly for the OP, but why should she go around getting other dates and being non-responsive? Here's the best advice for you: ASK YOUR BOYFRIEND! (That was not yelling at you, I'm just adamant about my suggestion)

I don't know about you guys or gals, but I would appreciate that my girlfriend is open and honest with me, even if I am struggling to be those things with her. Communication is often difficult, but if both parties give up and play silly shielding games, no one wins. The bottom line is simple, if you don't confront him about these changes and push the issue until it's finished (either as a breakup or his return to previous attentiveness to you), you're only delaying the inevitable, which WILL be the bad outcome, I can guarantee. Don't hide, be strong, and believe in what you see between you and your boyfriend.

Just be straight and honest with him. Tell hi you need more, that even though you are apart you are an important part of his life and vice versa. Ask him to be committed.

LD sucks and is very difficult. If he is not willing to treat you right another man will come along and surprise you.

The way I read into it is that he wants to break up with you. I can't say for sure, but think about it...if he was into you as a dutiful boyfriend should be, would he really have gone two days without returning your calls? If I have girls who keep texting me asking what I'm up to, the ones I'm interested in I'll give a pretty prompt reply to, the ones I'm not I could take a while to respond and I'll just be like "yeah I'm keeping pretty busy these days, gotta work then meet my friend tonite." Not saying every guy is like this, but that's how I play it. He doesn't wanna be mean about it, but he wants you to get the hint. Sorry that sounds cold, though it's not the end of the world. And by the way, grad school is not college, more likely than not he's not going out every night with his buds to the bar, he just doesn't wanna put in the effort to talk to you; you seem like a nice girl, so I'm sure you'll find someone better.

First thing is you shouldn't get relationship advice on the Internet from people you dont know.

Having said that, you may want to give him a chance to get his barrings in his new gig, lots of changes and things to get adjusted to and grad school is quite different.

Long distance relationships don't always work but really its only been a few weeks, so dont freak. I highly doubt that he is already cheating on you, but you should know him better than anyone. Long distance relationships only work if there is total trust (not saying you should blindly trust him, but you need to be in a relationship that can be built on trust). My wife and I were doing the bi-coastal thing after the 4 hr away thing for a couple years and it worked out fine for us. But she is pretty solid and we didn't get into analyzing our relationship on the phone for hrs and "when I said this, I thought you would say that" or "I called you 2x and you didn't call back" etc.

He needs to be sensitive to your needs but dont make it tedious or a chore to be in the relationship.

Thanks a lot to each of you.

I really appreciate the feedback and comments. Gives me some distance and makes me see better what's happening. I agree that I shouldn't be calling and nagging (I don't think I nag him, but I guess nobody ever thinks (s)he does that).

I am going to try to get as busy as possible (running, work, friends) so that I don't think too much about all this. I used to be pretty strong and independent, but right now it's hard. I guess I have to get used to it.

Thanks again. Thanks a lot.

he's cheating on you with me. open up your damn eyes. he needs his space, so he payed me to get his dick wet.

I'll be completely honest with you. He sounds exactly like I did when I wanted to break up with my girlfriend, but didn't have the heart (or nutz, depending on how you look at it) to do it. Seriously, I feel bad for you, because you seem to love him, but it's obvious to me that he's not that interested. And don't wait for him. Nothing will change. If he was worth marrying, you wouldn't be having any doubts right now. Trust me. I can tell you that he's moved on because he sounds just like me. I know that's bad, but you need to know.

If he is with someone else (and it sounds like he either is, or is leaning toward it), then it is important to remember that it's okay -- you will find someone else too, in time, and that just means it wasn't meant to be. Be happy that you figured this out now, before you had kids!

feeling down wrote:

Thanks a lot to each of you.

I really appreciate the feedback and comments. Gives me some distance and makes me see better what's happening. I agree that I shouldn't be calling and nagging (I don't think I nag him, but I guess nobody ever thinks (s)he does that).

I am going to try to get as busy as possible (running, work, friends) so that I don't think too much about all this. I used to be pretty strong and independent, but right now it's hard. I guess I have to get used to it.

Thanks again. Thanks a lot.

I am in a similar position as your boyfriend. I started medical school three weeks ago and it has put a strain on my relationship, which is long distance now. I am a guy, and my girlfriend is probably 800 miles away.

Anyway, I spend the first few nights here going out with all my classmates, kind of congregating with a slowly definable group of people (including girls...). Once classes started (and even a little bit before that) I felt busy as hell and overwhelmed. It takes a toll on things, and it's definitely taking a toll on my relationship. From my point of view, I have no idea why my girlfriend would accuse me of cheating, but on the other hand, looking at it from a different perspective I guess it could appear that way.

If it makes you feel any better, I have not, and will not cheat on my girlfriend. But to her I'm sure I feel distant and different. Graduate/professional school is a pretty big jump, and it's a huge commitment.

having been in a long distance relationship for almost 3 years, i can tell you that you are not nagging him. the phone IS your relationship. if he can't be bothered to talk to you, then he is saying that he doesn't have time to be your boyfriend. you need to either insist on speaking on a certain schedule (maybe every other day, although my boyfriend and i spoke every day) or you need to break up. otherwise you will feel like you are getting strung along and drifting apart. even if he is busy...if he has time to go out, he has time to call you, even if it is only for like 20 minutes. don't sell yourself short by thinking his distance is your fault.