I'm not a massively quick runner, but I'm frequently in the top 3 at parkrun, sometimes even finishing first. On the podium I tend to spray most of the champagne on nearby people like the Formula 1 drivers do, only taking a couple of sips myself. Most others at my parkrun seem to do the same with the idea that getting drunk that early on a Saturday morning isn't such a great idea. What about you?
I drink all of it and then say to 2nd and 3rd that they don't deserve theirs and I drink all of theirs too. Then I run round the course again shouting to the stragglers that I won and they're all losers.
This has been the ethos of parkrun right from its origins and it's not for me to question it.
I insert the bottle into my rectal cavity and do a handstand on the podium until the bottle has completely emptied . Then I bend over facing the crowd and unleash all 2 litres of champagne plus a little extra bodily fluid all over the front row.
I put out a notice saying that the parkrun might be cancelled due to an illegal encampment and that there will be no further updates. This puts most people off going but because some sneaky shysters will still turn up and be after my champagne, I add that the travellers have stolen all the champagne allocated to the parkrun. Then I keep it all for myself.