I'm 35 years old, and I'm not sure I really even want to ever "settle down." Would like some input.

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2 years ago 07/25/2023 2:24pm EDT

I recently turned 35 and have been reflecting on my life a lot. I've had a few serious long term relationships in my life, but even the longest one was only about 2 years, though I have had many less serious "relationships" of sorts with women last much longer than that. I actually have many women in my life, which is obviously nice, though it has made settling down and sticking to just one woman kind of difficult. It's kind of like I have 5-10 "sort of" girlfriends at any given time, and some of them are women I've known for more than 5 years. Most do not live here, so we spend time together infrequently, but when we do it's really great, passionate, etc, and we both genuinely like and appreciate each other, but then we go back to our lives and only communicate via sending memes and occasional messages to each other for the most part. Some of them have more or less told me they would like us to be married/partnered, but that's never happened due to me, but they still enjoy me enough to carry on with these "sort of" relationships knowing both of us date other people here and there.

I feel like I'm sort of at a cross-roads in my life now though because if I am going to marry someone and start a family, it should probably happen fairly soon now that I'm 35... But every time I start to get close to someone and our lives start getting intertwined, I feel like I don't actually like it very well and like I'd be happier not being tied down per se. I have also been living alone now for ~10 years outside of one of my serious relationships, and I honestly kind of struggle with the idea of living with a gf and seeing them every single day. I am very aware this is not normal/typical... It's just kind of how I am.

On one hand I do want kids, and I do like the idea of being a family man, but on the other hand, it feels like it's almost in my DNA to be a rambling man for life, like anything else is going against the grain of what's natural to me. Anyone have any advice? Anyone have the option of settling down and choose not to? How has life played out for you?

2 years ago 07/25/2023 2:32pm EDT

re: Johhn

Yeah, you probably shouldn't ever get married/settle-down. If you want kids, just knock one of them up and continue living your life. Not like you're the one that will have to give birth and raise them.

2 years ago 07/25/2023 2:52pm EDT

re: Johhn

Let the thumbs up and thumbs down be your troll rating.

2 years ago 07/25/2023 2:55pm EDT

re: Johhn

Johhn wrote:
I recently turned 35 and have been reflecting on my life a lot. I've had a few serious long term relationships in my life, but even the longest one was only about 2 years, though I have had many less serious "relationships" of sorts with women last much longer than that. I actually have many women in my life, which is obviously nice, though it has made settling down and sticking to just one woman kind of difficult. It's kind of like I have 5-10 "sort of" girlfriends at any given time, and some of them are women I've known for more than 5 years. Most do not live here, so we spend time together infrequently, but when we do it's really great, passionate, etc, and we both genuinely like and appreciate each other, but then we go back to our lives and only communicate via sending memes and occasional messages to each other for the most part. Some of them have more or less told me they would like us to be married/partnered, but that's never happened due to me, but they still enjoy me enough to carry on with these "sort of" relationships knowing both of us date other people here and there.
I feel like I'm sort of at a cross-roads in my life now though because if I am going to marry someone and start a family, it should probably happen fairly soon now that I'm 35... But every time I start to get close to someone and our lives start getting intertwined, I feel like I don't actually like it very well and like I'd be happier not being tied down per se. I have also been living alone now for ~10 years outside of one of my serious relationships, and I honestly kind of struggle with the idea of living with a gf and seeing them every single day. I am very aware this is not normal/typical... It's just kind of how I am.
On one hand I do want kids, and I do like the idea of being a family man, but on the other hand, it feels like it's almost in my DNA to be a rambling man for life, like anything else is going against the grain of what's natural to me. Anyone have any advice? Anyone have the option of settling down and choose not to? How has life played out for you?

Didn’t read one word.

Spell your name right and try again!

2 years ago 07/25/2023 2:58pm EDT

re: Johhn

Johhn wrote:
On one hand I do want kids, and I do like the idea of being a family man, but on the other hand, it feels like it's almost in my DNA to be a rambling man for life, like anything else is going against the grain of what's natural to me. Anyone have any advice? Anyone have the option of settling down and choose not to? How has life played out for you?

Actually it's scientifically in your DNA to reproduce but globalist financiers have convinced you to embrace your "individuality" and not reproduce so they can replace you

2 years ago 07/25/2023 3:04pm EDT

re: Smell ya later

I used to have the same problem. I had about a dozen or so different girlfriends who I would just see every now and then. Even though there was no commitment, we would smash like bunnies every time we met up. It was basically like being DiCaprio but without dipping into the barely legal territory and without having to pretend that any one girl was in a real relationship with me. I just seemed to have a knack for finding vapid girls who hated themselves enough to put out whenever we met while never insisting on lame stuff like a birthday card or a "heads up" text when I got a STD.

It all changed when I met my soulmate and realized that I could still get action on the side as long as I was discreet about it. I had to take a job in outside sales so I would be traveling a lot, which gave me a consistent alibi incase I brought home my burner phone that I use for hook ups or one of my smash-mates gets a bit too attached and shows up at the house. But a player has got to play.

2 years ago 07/25/2023 3:21pm EDT

re: Johhn

Everyone settles down. By their mid30s, most competent people have figured out a lifestyle that is both socioeconomically possible and agreeable to them. Your choice is whether or not you want to settle down with a family or with friends or alone. It sounds like you're happy as is. If having a partner was a big plus to you, you'd know by now. The only real question here is whether or not you want to be a dad. Do you like kids? Do you feel drawn to having kids?

2 years ago 07/25/2023 3:22pm EDT

re: Johhn

Johhn wrote:
I recently turned 35 and have been reflecting on my life a lot. I've had a few serious long term relationships in my life, but even the longest one was only about 2 years, though I have had many less serious "relationships" of sorts with women last much longer than that. I actually have many women in my life, which is obviously nice, though it has made settling down and sticking to just one woman kind of difficult. It's kind of like I have 5-10 "sort of" girlfriends at any given time, and some of them are women I've known for more than 5 years. Most do not live here, so we spend time together infrequently, but when we do it's really great, passionate, etc, and we both genuinely like and appreciate each other, but then we go back to our lives and only communicate via sending memes and occasional messages to each other for the most part. Some of them have more or less told me they would like us to be married/partnered, but that's never happened due to me, but they still enjoy me enough to carry on with these "sort of" relationships knowing both of us date other people here and there.
I feel like I'm sort of at a cross-roads in my life now though because if I am going to marry someone and start a family, it should probably happen fairly soon now that I'm 35... But every time I start to get close to someone and our lives start getting intertwined, I feel like I don't actually like it very well and like I'd be happier not being tied down per se. I have also been living alone now for ~10 years outside of one of my serious relationships, and I honestly kind of struggle with the idea of living with a gf and seeing them every single day. I am very aware this is not normal/typical... It's just kind of how I am.
On one hand I do want kids, and I do like the idea of being a family man, but on the other hand, it feels like it's almost in my DNA to be a rambling man for life, like anything else is going against the grain of what's natural to me. Anyone have any advice? Anyone have the option of settling down and choose not to? How has life played out for you?

If you actually took the time to write this entire post without Chat GPT then you are definitely ready to settle down for a mundane, pointless, long-term relationship.

2 years ago 07/25/2023 3:26pm EDT

re: Johhn

Just keep keeping on I don't see the family thing the best way to go for you.

Lot of x girlfriends at your funeral, how cool is that?

This post was edited 1 minute after it was posted.

2 years ago 07/25/2023 3:33pm EDT

re: Johhn

I'm 44 and still single. Never interested in settling down or having kids.

Most likely you'll want to be with someone who can take care of you when you're older. That's a need and expectation men have especially. The Golden Girls arrangement is becoming popular among women, but not so sure about men.

If you understand the consequences of your decisions, then you'll be fine.

2 years ago 07/25/2023 3:37pm EDT

re: Johhn

Don't get married if it doesn't feel right to you. Plenty of children's charities you can get involved in where you can mentor a child without having the full time commitment of being a parent.

2 years ago 07/25/2023 3:42pm EDT

re: Johhn

Johhn wrote:
I recently turned 35 and have been reflecting on my life a lot. I've had a few serious long term relationships in my life, but even the longest one was only about 2 years, though I have had many less serious "relationships" of sorts with women last much longer than that. I actually have many women in my life, which is obviously nice, though it has made settling down and sticking to just one woman kind of difficult. It's kind of like I have 5-10 "sort of" girlfriends at any given time, and some of them are women I've known for more than 5 years. Most do not live here, so we spend time together infrequently, but when we do it's really great, passionate, etc, and we both genuinely like and appreciate each other, but then we go back to our lives and only communicate via sending memes and occasional messages to each other for the most part. Some of them have more or less told me they would like us to be married/partnered, but that's never happened due to me, but they still enjoy me enough to carry on with these "sort of" relationships knowing both of us date other people here and there.
I feel like I'm sort of at a cross-roads in my life now though because if I am going to marry someone and start a family, it should probably happen fairly soon now that I'm 35... But every time I start to get close to someone and our lives start getting intertwined, I feel like I don't actually like it very well and like I'd be happier not being tied down per se. I have also been living alone now for ~10 years outside of one of my serious relationships, and I honestly kind of struggle with the idea of living with a gf and seeing them every single day. I am very aware this is not normal/typical... It's just kind of how I am.
On one hand I do want kids, and I do like the idea of being a family man, but on the other hand, it feels like it's almost in my DNA to be a rambling man for life, like anything else is going against the grain of what's natural to me. Anyone have any advice? Anyone have the option of settling down and choose not to? How has life played out for you?

It’s time to man up and contractually bind yourself for life to a refrigerator-shaped female roommate/supplementary income stream

2 years ago 07/25/2023 4:33pm EDT

re: Deno

There is something abut havng family around especially for the holidays, think what you are playing would be a bit lonely.

Got a pocket knife for my recent birthday from a granddaugher, on the handle.....Best Grandpa in the World. You will be missing out on a lot trying to go it solo.

2 years ago 07/25/2023 5:23pm EDT

re: Everydog

Everydog wrote:
Let the thumbs up and thumbs down be your troll rating.

Why do you think I'm trolling?

2 years ago 07/25/2023 5:28pm EDT

re: valjean

valjean wrote:
Everyone settles down. By their mid30s, most competent people have figured out a lifestyle that is both socioeconomically possible and agreeable to them. Your choice is whether or not you want to settle down with a family or with friends or alone. It sounds like you're happy as is. If having a partner was a big plus to you, you'd know by now. The only real question here is whether or not you want to be a dad. Do you like kids? Do you feel drawn to having kids?

Everything else about my life is going really well, is really solid. I am physically fit, have a good job, self-aware about my strengths and weaknesses, have friends, etc. And I wouldn't even say my love life is bad at all. It's actually great. It's just that I'm having a tough time deciding on which direction to take it. I've only ever known two different women I really wanted to potentially marry and be with "forever," and both of those relationships ended for various reasons. I've had about 5 or 6 different women in my life basically ask me to marry them, but I didn't want to with any of them... I feel like I would much rather be single than with the wrong person, but maybe that's not the best way to look at things.

2 years ago 07/25/2023 5:35pm EDT

re: Johhn

Yeh give it another 15 years when you get desperate for attention for desperate women and try to obtain a nurse with a purse. Good luck with that. It sounds like an exhausting kind of hobby to have but if thats the way you choose to spend your life...I know how women talk about men like you and its not good.

2 years ago 07/25/2023 5:39pm EDT

re: Johhn

Well your chances of fathering a kid with autism or some kind of birth defect goes up as you age so there's that.

2 years ago 07/25/2023 5:42pm EDT

re: Johhn

Nothing wrong with being a John forever.

2 years ago 07/25/2023 5:43pm EDT

re: dmm,m.mgb.,

Also I hate to say this but nowdays your probability of actually staying with anyone are not great, even if you really love her. Rather than screening for someone you could get along with as a primary criterion maybe lean towards a woman who seems like a survivor and has a good head on her shoulders and a supportive family. Then, whether or not you manage to stay together you'll at least know your kid(s) will have a good life with or without you.

2 years ago 07/25/2023 5:59pm EDT

re: Johhn

Johhn wrote:
I feel like I would much rather be single than with the wrong person, but maybe that's not the best way to look at things.

I think that this is a perfectly fine way to look at things. Finding the right partner isn't easy, and you've clearly had lots of opportunities to find her, so maybe the idea of partnership isn't a huge draw for you. If that's the case, then partnership is a high risk, low reward situation for you

What is it about the idea of living with a partner that you struggle with? And what is it about the idea of being a family man that's appealing? There are a lot of "correct" answers to these questions, but not all of them will lead you to good places

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I'm 35 years old, and I'm not sure I really even want to ever "settle down." Would like some input.

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I'm 35 years old, and I'm not sure I really even want to ever "settle down." Would like some input.

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