I'm old (31) and I want to compete at the Olympics. In which sports could I still qualify?

I would advise you to do a George Santos. Don’t do it but say you did it. Nobody cares anyway but you will impress a few morons.

Marathon. Pound back all the EPO you can like a Saturday night beer and run 140 mpw

Note: I don't recommend pounding back EPO

Buy the cheapest firearm you can find. Then do the armed robbery version of the dude who traded a paper clip for ___ and___ all the way up to a house. You’ll receive expert level shooting instruction in no time. Pro tip: you have to work an angle; you can’t pull that stuff on people who can actually handle weaponry. You come at the king, you’d best not miss.

Archery would be the only sport I can think of that women could beat a man in. Go for it.

Consult Coebra on the steeple. He’s an expert.

curling but you need to get good.

skip making the olympics and just get the rings tattooed somewhere visible

I did - great conversation starter

E-sports

Rowing, specifically as the coxswain. You don’t have to do anything except boss the rowers around. You just sit there and get a nice boat ride.

what are your PRs? if you could get citizenship in some obscure country you could run.

Find a new obsession. Your not going to find a new sport and beat everyone at it starting at 31.

I just saved you a lot of wasted time.

Sorry, no entry for late bloomers.

Archery, curling, equestrian. But they are harder than you think.

discus

Synchronized Swimming

vimeo.com

Synchronized Swimming

Claude Kerven

Classic SNL short starring Martin Short, Harry Shearer and Christopher Guest.

Link:vimeo.com/353695716

Priscilla Welch would like a word with you ...

Any individual sport if you can marry someone from a far flung country that would be willing to give you their charity spot on the team.

Only answer is to identify as a woman.