Struggling with teenager in HS - Missing work and just makes excuses

everyone grows up. she'll be alright. does she do a sport? always helped me focus and get my energy out. my grades were always better when I was running

Community college is cheap. Be happy she is not expecting an elite private university !

Is she distressed about her situation? In that event , I would consider getting her tested by a psychologist- if she has ADD, anxiety , or depression it could be manifesting in school failure.
If on the other hand, it is lack of motivation, in my experience as a father of 5 and a pediatrician for 30 years , that you can’t make her care- it’s on her. Helicoptering as a parent doesn’t work. At the same time, don’t enable her by paying for her cellphone , car insurance, etc.

One of my boys told me he didn’t want to go to a 4 year college as he didn’t know what he wanted to do. Did very average in high school but had a great social life, part time job. Went to Community College, matured, ended up getting IT business degree from a State Uni, now makes close to 6 figures 2 years out.
Give her time.

studying is boring, there's more to life than it.

I don't really have advice, but was wondering if this all started around the same time as the covid. I know for my kids, they got out of the routine of doing a lot of school work because they were essentially home schooled for 1.5 years and teachers were just handing out A's to everyone, there was rampant cheating, etc. My kids thankfully got back in the swing of things academically, but my freshman is still socially having major issues. He lost all his friends and has no desire to make new ones. Every kid handled the pandemic in a different way, some are still really struggling, some are totally fine.

Reading depressing posts like these really cement my decision to not procreate.

Thanks LRC off topic posts for the validation!

Does she have a phone? Maybe take the phone away and/or restrict phone usage severely?

Thanks for the responses.

To the one poster, it was happening before COVID as well. I can see how that has affected a lot of kids though. I feel like it's a motivation/lazy issue. I had a conversation with her middle school teacher (few years back) and he didn't seem to see ADD as being a problem (just through his experience). Obviously, he isn't a doctor, so we also brought it up to her doctor months after that. Her Doctor didn't do any testing, but pushed it off as not being a big issue.

I have taken away weekends and rules on phone use, especially when she is missing work or not studying. It just doesn't seem to fix the issue long-term.

I also had a tutor helping her with a subject or two last year, but her issue has never been not understanding material. It's all about finishing classwork, doing homework, preparing for tests, and putting in some sort of decent effort.

I do think a big part of it is just not enjoying having to go to school and work hard. She's a great kid, but it's just the reality of what I see. She cares more about her phone and having fun with friends. I feel like we were all like that a bit, but a lot of us realize you have to put in the work even if you don't always enjoy it.

My mom took away my PlayStation for a whole year in 5th grade because I wouldn’t do my homework. Still got a 2.8 in high school. The child will always win in a power struggle. I recommend the YouTube channel healthygamergg. Has some great videos on this and has an adult coaching program for parents like yourself.

+1

Kids seem to make everyone poor and miserable. No thank you. Freedom is amazing. All these lazy a$$ kids, parents just blame Covid or ADD. Just admit you regret having kids and they provide nothing of value.

when you are old and have no one who loves you, you will know you were wrong

Lmfao

so you admit that your primary motivation for having kids is so you can feel loved and appreciated in old age?

kid insurance policy!!

No, he’s simply stating that you’ll realize you were wrong later

my purpose in life is to be love and be loved, by God and by my family and friends. Whats yours?

To be fair, this is dependent upon how an individual defines right and wrong, and what a person’s values are.

OP, what is your daughter good at? What are her talents?

Not everyone is cut out for academics. There are other lucrative paths she can take.

Is she pretty(objectively)? All she has to do is marry a rich/successful guy. Maybe she just wants to a trophy house wife and amazing mother. I know you think I'm trolling but my sister is objectively beautiful and dropped out of college to marry into a rich farming family. She has 5 athletic beautiful kids now and is super happy and content (the whole community adores her). Beautiful home too.

Brick the kid’s phone.