Going into this year of training, I was very ambitious and fueled by a fiery vengeance. I could no longer compete. I could no longer workout with any of my friends/teammates. I had to do pretty much everything alone. Despite that, I decided I was going to do time trials and continue to try to set PR’s and break records. I knew they wouldn’t count but I didn’t care. I would to do it for myself.
My mental resilience has always been one of my strongest assets in training/racing. But honestly, there have been so many times during this last year where I felt that I had lost that mental resiliency altogether. On days where I didn’t feel great (which seemed to happen a lot more than usual) or on really challenging workouts, my mind’s positivity and confidence could quickly fade, turning into a full blown pity party. And no one ever runs well while having a full blown pity party.
Personally, I run my best and am my most confident when I’m happy, having fun, and finding joy in what I’m doing. Unfortunately, most of the parts I find to be the most fun and joyful about running just aren’t there right now. My ambition quickly went from PR’s and records to just trying to stay positive through the training and to let go and accept whatever my body and mind could give on the day.
I ended up doing 8 time trials this year. This winter/spring, I ran a 1500m in 4:03, a 5k in 14:47, and my first ever 10k on the track🥵 in 30:31.
This summer, a couple of 800’s in 2:03 and 2:01, and a few 1500’s in 4:01, 4:02, and 4:05.
The times I ran weren’t what I wanted them to be. A lot of them felt much harder than I thought they should’ve. I did my best to attack this year with the same sense of purpose I always have. I may not see the true results of this training now but I’m trusting it will pay off later.
This year has forced me to learn how to adjust the expectations I have for myself and to give myself more grace. I have had to continue to remind myself: This may not count but this still matters to me. I’m still here. I’m showing up and I’m doing the best I can with what I have right now. That’s something I can feel proud of.