When our old friends get together and we all have kids except one couple, that couple seems to be lacking something. Sure things were easy for them in their 30's and 40's but now they are missing out. I can't imagine life without my kids.
I have to wonder if they regret their decision.
I am sure some would have loved to have kids. I could have gone either way. But I am so glad I didn't have to deal with school boards or shuttling the kids around to sports practice.
Not to mention the $555000 for all of it until College and beyond.
dad of none wrote:
I am sure some would have loved to have kids. I could have gone either way. But I am so glad I didn't have to deal with school boards or shuttling the kids around to sports practice.
Not to mention the $555000 for all of it until College and beyond.
No question about it, not having kids is easier and cheaper.
Was it a decision, or were they unable to conceive?
Some but not all. If it was infertility then my heart goes out to them.
But my wife and I do not at all regret not having kids. I suppose at 51 or 59 that could change. I would be a little surprised. But life is full of changes and surprises, so we'll see.
Definitely curious to hear what other say, but I would imagine some regret it, and some don't.
and then you die alone.
For that reason alone, you might want to have a kid.
dad of three wrote:
When our old friends get together and we all have kids except one couple, that couple seems to be lacking something.
Some probably do but it sounds like you're projecting onto them.
My wife has been in the hospital since the 18th. Elective surgery, then an emergency re-do, followed by ICU. It would have been hard to handle with out our two children. That said, neither have children of their own.
Coroner wrote:
and then you die alone.
For that reason alone, you might want to have a kid.
We all die alone. The number of kids I know who live hundreds of miles away from their parents is substantial.
We all die alone in the end
It goes both ways.
My adult brother has mental health issues and always have. Drugs, run in with the law, lawyer fees, drama, violence, etc.
Growing up was tough.
If you ever seen the 'other side' to having kids you have a different view on it.
It's not all rainbows and sunshine.
Amelia Boone just wrote a column for Outside all about how she regrets not having kids, even though she doesn't actually regret it, and doesn't even know if he wants kids, and doesn't even think she likes kids, but she wishes it was up to her to decide, even though she's already decided by not having kids.
so yes, I think they all regret it, even if they didn't ever want them.
https://www.outsideonline.com/2423714/amelia-boone-motherhood-essay
Maybe. People sometimes change their minds about things and it could be this one couple does regret it. I could see a couple who doesn't have a lot going for them getting a little bored in their 50's when going out isn't as fun or they aren't doing as much. Not for all, but I could see for some.
But to be fair, I also have to wonder if maybe a small part of you wishes you didn't have kids, didn't have to make the sacrifices to yourself and your wife. It goes both ways, and this hypothetical could be you projecting your own regrets onto someone else. Who knows?
The number of times I've heard someone who has older kids tell me how they used to travel, be active, have a serious hobby, have a more passionate relationship with their spouse...but then kids came and took over their lives and they had no time for themselves or their romantic life anymore and never really regained it.
Kids can be wonderful and meaningful at times, I have no doubt. But they also compromise your ability to create your own life and affect other important relationships, whether it is your spouse, other family members, or close friends. Independent of when people have kids, the most likely time for divorce is 7 years after the first kid. It puts a big strain on your marriage and your life. Like I said though, for some it is worth it. But for others, there were so many other possibilities to invest in that kids would have rendered impractical.
live in WA wrote:
Coroner wrote:
and then you die alone.
For that reason alone, you might want to have a kid.
We all die alone. The number of kids I know who live hundreds of miles away from their parents is substantial.
This is such an oddly selfish way of looking at procreation. You do understand most people don't have children so that they have people around them when they die. People actually want their children to be successful, independent beings. That is something that brings many parents happiness.
My longtime girlfriend and I had a few discussions over the last year about whether we should have kids. We're rapidly reaching the age where it won't be possible (and maybe we're already there).
Well we found out yesterday that she has stage IV lung cancer. So she's somewhat thankful she doesn't have to worry about the kids.
semantic antic wrote:
But to be fair, I also have to wonder if maybe a small part of you wishes you didn't have kids, didn't have to make the sacrifices to yourself and your wife. It goes both ways, and this hypothetical could be you projecting your own regrets onto someone else. Who knows?
For any decent parent, the answer to this, and everything you wrote below it is this:
ZERO.
highhoppingworm wrote:
live in WA wrote:
We all die alone. The number of kids I know who live hundreds of miles away from their parents is substantial.
This is such an oddly selfish way of looking at procreation. You do understand most people don't have children so that they have people around them when they die. People actually want their children to be successful, independent beings. That is something that brings many parents happiness.
No, it's not. Not necessarily, anyway. They were responding to someone saying that having them around at the end of life was a reason to have them (and that may have been tongue-in-cheek). And the reply was correct - If someone DOES have kids so that they're there when they're old, there's a pretty good chance of that not being the case.
I think a lot of couples underestimate how difficult it is to either get pregnant or carry a baby to term especially when they don't start until their 30s. There is such a stigma towards talking about infertility and miscarriages nowadays that until you find yourself dealing with it you have no idea how much time, money and stress goes into just getting pregnant.
I'll say this, having a kid is like nothing else in the world and the love you have for them is like no love you've ever felt. Because of this and its affect on me, since becoming a dad a couple years ago, I find it more and more difficult to relate to and hang out with childless folks my age. Maybe it's because they don't regret it.
Not one bit.