Top level high school runner...feel like a loser

Try and hang out with your teammates, or just chat with classmates at school. Keep your head up man.

Try tinder, bro. Arrange something with your team mates. Life isn’t a movie. You can’t make cool. You either are or aren’t. HS will be over soon and if you’re like most people, you won’t see them again until the 10 year reunion.

Do you know that people are purposely excluding you from activities/parties outside of school, or are you assuming that? They may very well assume that, since you are a serious athlete who likely even trains in the off season (something very foreign to most HS kids in my experience), you have no interest in partying or hanging out because you need to train/rest/recover. You might need to deliberately make it clear that you want to be social. For most of high school I was not social at all outside of school/practice, and my friends had to pretty much force me to start hanging out our senior year. I could have had that all along, but I didn't deliberately seek it out.

All that said, DO NOT start getting drunk every weekend. It will not be good for your health or your running. Trust me, it doesn't seem like it now, but alcohol is not going anywhere - it will be there long after your best running days are behind you. I know it sounds cliche, but the "runner's high" is the best drug there is. Getting drunk with your friends is fun, but nothing will ever beat the feeling of crushing your opponents in a race. I'm completely serious about that.

I'm 40. So hopefully that is old enough to respond.

Life is weird and hard. Many people get stuck in positions they 'should' be in and they don't know how/why they got there. This doesn't mean it's bad. It's just something to realize. And then if you want, it's something to change.

It sounds like you probably want to run fast, but you maybe don't want it to be your everything. I actually think that is totally possible. Read up about the dudes in the 70s. They hammered their runs, and then they hammered some beers. Rinse and repeat.

Not that such an approach is necessarily the path for you. I'm just using it as an example. But it sounds like you might need to experiment. If I were in your shoes, I'd keep running a lot if I liked it. Just make sure you get it in every day. But if you want to do something else with the 22 hours of the day you're not running, give it a go. If it's fun, do it again. If it's not, skip it and try something else. It's a long process figuring this stuff out. There are not right or wrong answers, either, which doesn't totally help. But if you're into it as a process, then sculpting your life into what you want it to be is very enjoyable. And what you're doing at 16 doesn't have to be what you're doing at 26 or 36 or anything after that.

I am 59. I got drunk several times between ages 16 and 24. I am quite happy that I have never been drunk since then and regret that I was ever drunk. It’s important to make the best decisions possible and over-consuming alcohol impairs good judgment.

Keep working smart and hard. Life for me has been more difficult than I expected as a teen, but I’m determined to suffer in pursuit of just causes and goals.

Sub 9:20 as a high school junior or younger is very good.

You are so right. People on here comment as if a fractional track scholarship was their best way out of poverty.

Join the wrestling team senior year. They're very insular and take care of each other because they're tough guys.

Join ROTC in college. Pays tuition, books, and provides a stipend. Built in group of friends for getting drunk with and brawling on the weekends.

Just remember that there are guys who are exactly like you, minus the fast times.

You can always find time. You typically run at 5pm but everyone is doing something fun then? Run before or run after. You know something might get in the way for a whole day? Then change your weekly schedule. You want to go to a party and drink a few? It won’t kill you.

Quit being so rigid and live life.

maybe nottt wrote:

You can always find time. You typically run at 5pm but everyone is doing something fun then? Run before or run after. You know something might get in the way for a whole day? Then change your weekly schedule. You want to go to a party and drink a few? It won’t kill you.

Quit being so rigid and live life.

It's not the time that's the problem, it's that I don't ever get invited to do stuff. I wish it was just that easy.

Maybe other people think that you ate excluding them and that's why they don't invite you?

needsomehelp wrote:

maybe nottt wrote:

You can always find time. You typically run at 5pm but everyone is doing something fun then? Run before or run after. You know something might get in the way for a whole day? Then change your weekly schedule. You want to go to a party and drink a few? It won’t kill you.

Quit being so rigid and live life.

It's not the time that's the problem, it's that I don't ever get invited to do stuff. I wish it was just that easy.

After reading your comment I realized that I never socialized with fellow track or cross country team members either. There was one exception and that was because of comic books not running. Running was the most important thing in my teenage life and I never wanted to socialize with any of my teammates. Other than members of the girl's teams. Then again, we spent a couple hours together every day after school and ran and went to meets together on the weekends.

Have you tried talking with them and connecting

Snapping them and getting to know them etc

Hell try talking to your own track teamates. Good chance there’s some cool dudes there

Just a suggestion, but instead of waiting to be invited to do stuff, maybe think of something you want to do and invite others to do it with you. I know that it's not the same, but if you're true goal is to do stuff with other people, that's a possible option.

If what you really want is to be "wanted," to be invited by other people... totally reasonable feeling... but then your happiness is in the hands of others so it's definitely a hit and miss kind of thing.

Anyway, all of the other stuff is true, too... about how it's not going to matter someday, but it does matter now. There's not any easy answer.

Just like in races/workouts, there are times when it feels really sucky, but then you get past it and get a second wind. Or you puke. You'll figure it out.

Looking ahead, if you love running but don't want it to be the only thing in your life, you might want to consider D2 or D3 schools rather than D1, if you can find a good financial and academic fit. I'm sure others can give you more informed advice, though.

When you get to college you get a reset.

You get to make changes in your lifestyle and personality.

Most people do not make changes...but it’s up to you. Imagine mixing in with thousands of kids your age who don’t know your high school personality. You can adjust yourself.

The downside is that many kids make poor decisions in the transition and foul themselves up.

So be wise. Wait for college.

I seem to have made the mistake of thinking running fast would make me happy. I remember being a 10:30 guy thinking 9:15 runners were superhuman. Now I am one and I still feel like a loser. Will running 8:59 change that? Idk honestly. I just feel pretty lost. Social media certainly doesn't help because there no way to deny the fact that my friends are doing stuff without me. I just want to feel accepted and I don't.

Disko Eric wrote:

Try tinder, bro. Arrange something with your team mates. Life isn’t a movie. You can’t make cool. You either are or aren’t. HS will be over soon and if you’re like most people, you won’t see them again until the 10 year reunion.

Tinder is 18 plus

What also bothers me is that without the running, I would just be an even bigger loser. The idea of going to college and not at least having that to fall back on terrifies me. People at school at least respect me because of that, even if they don't invite me to stuff. I just need some help, really down.

needsomehelp wrote:

What also bothers me is that without the running, I would just be an even bigger loser. The idea of going to college and not at least having that to fall back on terrifies me. People at school at least respect me because of that, even if they don't invite me to stuff. I just need some help, really down.

You aren't a loser if you don't fit into the approval of others. Better off being alone or just talking to girls. I don't have any friends and it's fine. I didn't have friends starting in college and towards the end of high school when people started drinking alcohol. If anything just find a girl to be with, if not be alone or spend time with family.