Hi there,
I am currently looking for advice, I used to be a County level 800m runner in my late teens. I then quit track during college and work as i struggled to juggle everything. I am now age 24 and always thinking about it, watching YouTube and podcasts on my favourite runners and I now wonder if I should take it up again, especially seeing all my fellow competitors on social media still crushing it. I know however my mindset is just not wanting me to get out and train. I always feel so exhausted mentally. I suffer from depression and fear I burnt out my enjoyment for it when i was younger. Over the last couple of years I joined various running groups but after a couple of months I quit again. This was due to the pressure i put on myself and I find the commitment hard around a full time job and part time studies alongside work. I always imagine myself making a comeback but then I just get a mental block before trying to get outside and train and then it never happens.
Also during the current unfortunate situation of COVID I can not find anyone to train with for track sessions and I would have to train on my own. I currently just lift regularly at the gym and have a goal to build my muscle and strength back up after being super underweight for the last couple of years due to mental health reasons. I also don't want the running again to affect the muscle gain I have spent so much time and effort trying to gain back.
Am I just lonely and want to hold onto my past and be apart of something or do I genuinely enjoy track? I just want to do something fulfilling and I usually don't see the point in putting myself through the hard work if I don't get anything from it. Or do I just stick to lifting now as this is what makes my happy and brings me joy and start a new chapter in my life.
How would you approach this constant mind battle?