My wife wants to divorce but stay in the house together for the children

I live on a cul de sac. Dude lives across from me with his two teenage girls. Mom just moved back in, even though they've been divorced for years. They're not back together, she's just living there. They've been divorced the whole time I've lived here, at least 7 years. Shrug.

Read the “Post nuptial shut off” thread.

Your kids are in elementary school, they'll roll with the punches. I think it would be more life-changing if they were in middle school or high school.

Go ahead and get the full divorce and get your new life setup before the kids get too old. You don't want them having to adjust their lives when school gets more difficult, high school is a bigger deal than 5th grade. Don't live in the same house as her, that's dumb. Hopefully you don't get screwed on child support, good luck to you.

Consult an attorney immediately.

Do not move out. You will lose leverage with the judge in regards to custody and asset disbursement. She can move out if she is that miserable.

Do not engage in arguments with her. Assume you are being recorded at all times. Do not post anything about this on social media and block her for your own mental well-being.

This will be the most critical period of your life. Run more, eat well, drink less. Stay alert and motivated. You are playing chess now.

You guys try counseling?

Also, if she wants to live in your house, bring a different woman home every week to bang after the divorce.

You can't live in the same house. Your kids will think that you either aren't really divorced or that you will get back together any day. Your kids will not do well if they hold on to fantasies about reconciliation.

The only way I have ever seen this situation work is when the dad/main breadwinner takes one for the team and lets the mom live in the house with the kids. The dad moves into a cheap apartment and keeps paying the mortgage with a big credit towards child support and alimony obligations. This can work if the dad is on a good trajectory income wise and will eventually be able to afford to buy another house or gets remarried with enough income from the new spouse to buy a house.

On the other hand, kids don't usually get attached to a house the way adults do. If you can keep them in the same area so they will be able to see their friends, your kids probably won't care about losing the house.

As a woman I will tell you this: The answer on the house is NO. She wants a divorce from you but she wants retain benefits of being married to you (a house she cannot afford on her own). She is going to start dating another guy while living in that house that you mostly pay for. Don’t stand for it. Stay in the house with her now for custody purposes but make sure part of the divorce agreement is selling that house.

StevePrefonDead wrote:

Consult an attorney immediately.

Do not move out. You will lose leverage with the judge in regards to custody and asset disbursement. She can move out if she is that miserable.

Do not engage in arguments with her. Assume you are being recorded at all times. Do not post anything about this on social media and block her for your own mental well-being.

This will be the most critical period of your life. Run more, eat well, drink less. Stay alert and motivated. You are playing chess now.

This

Subjects like this breaks my heart.

I don't know how people go through divorces with kids.

Let me help you wrote:

As a woman I will tell you this: The answer on the house is NO. She wants a divorce from you but she wants retain benefits of being married to you (a house she cannot afford on her own). She is going to start dating another guy while living in that house that you mostly pay for. Don’t stand for it. Stay in the house with her now for custody purposes but make sure part of the divorce agreement is selling that house.

I agree 100%.

Divorced people, ESPECIALLY when it's really one side pushing it, should NOT cohabitate. Anger, temporary insanity, just some bad decisions, can get the better of one of you. Sucks, but you two need to be apart.

I know one couple who got divorced when the man confided that he was gay and couldn't be married to her any longer. They were both uber liberal and remained super close friends after the divorce. She made the bulk of the money, and they owned a very large house that had a rentable apartment in the back of the house. He moved there, and she met and married another guy who moved into the main house with her. IF that's your situation OP (it's not) then it could work. Otherwise, nope.

This bish is cold. She wants to keep looking living with you while she's out with Chad and Tyrone? Geez.

America's fury wrote:

You guys try counseling?

Also, if she wants to live in your house, bring a different woman home every week to bang after the divorce.

Ye$!

StevePrefonDead wrote:

Consult an attorney immediately.

Do not move out. You will lose leverage with the judge in regards to custody and asset disbursement. She can move out if she is that miserable.

Do not engage in arguments with her. Assume you are being recorded at all times. Do not post anything about this on social media and block her for your own mental well-being.

This will be the most critical period of your life. Run more, eat well, drink less. Stay alert and motivated. You are playing chess now.

Simply outstanding guidance here. You've already decided on the divorce; MOVE AHEAD on it, and be sure to have an experienced attorney who's worked in your jurisdiction for years.

I'm terribly sorry--for your whole family--that this is your situation. Best of luck to *all* as you move *quickly* to resolve the situation.

That would be a weird setup wrote:

Your kids are in elementary school, they'll roll with the punches. I think it would be more life-changing if they were in middle school or high school.

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Disagree.

Friends just got divorced, Kids recognize (they're all at least 12) that mom is the one with issues and they accept her for it but don't blame dad and thats that. Older kids and teens will grasp/understand. Younger kids are the ones who will be more impacted because they can't understand.

Don't be a simp.

She needs to file the divorce papers and GTFO. If that means living in a 1 BR crap apartment, so be it.

Tell her you get to bring other women home, then.

This happened to my brother more or less. His wife cut off all affection and started berating him in front of the kids. They tried counseling. He moved to another room to avoid constant fights but continued to try "for the sake of the kids". His wife ran up huge credit card debt in a sneaky way and hid money with her relatives, then filed for divorce. This ended up being the best thing. Once apart, they could all live a life without a toxic environment in the house every day. Well, the ex-wife still undercuts him at every opportunity with the kids, but they can see him and he can show by example.

The oldest kid was near the end of HS, left for college during all this and was relatively unscathed. The youngest was elementary school and is very insecure due to living in an unstable home, but seems to be recovering. The middle was emotionally destroyed. Went from A student to C student, overweight, no ambition, angry at the world.

Cut it clean. Both of you need to move on. It won't be easy financially for either of you. But kids survive divorces. They don't do well in unstable and toxic households.

Good luck.

Stay in the house until the divorce is finalized.

The house will have to be sold.

Then you will get hit with alimony, child support, and possibly day care expenses.

She will also try to get you to pay her attorney fees as well.

Good luck to you!

I actually have a running friend how lived in the same house with his ex wife and his son. It didn't work that great and at the end the adult son took his live. Now they are divorced.

While every case is different, I would not stay in the same house ever. You will be always be part of the negative vibes and it drags you down.

Best of luck for all of your tough decisions.