Wife of 4 years wants a divorce

Sorry to hear that, but when a woman says she wants out, it's over. She has emotionally divorced you already, so you need to do what is best for you. I'm 8 years past my divorce now, and looking back, I can say 100% it was for the best.

It's not going to be easy, but remember "all things pass." You'll get through this and you'll find happiness on the other side.

Poster above me is exactly correct...when a woman says its over, its over. This was not an impulse decision on her part. Their is obviously a communication break down in your marriage if you two are at this different of viewpoints (her wanting out. You thinking its honeymoon phase still). If all of a sudden she is acting or dressing different, my guess is there would be another guy involved. You could go down the route of hiring a PI, but you might be able to do some recon on your own before shelling out that expense.

My advice is fight like hell. Offer to go to counseling both separate and together. Begin protecting yourself and your money. If she is dead set on separation/divorce check your state laws regarding filing official separation. In some states, if a legal separation is requited, it protects one party from any debts incurred by the other party during the separation.

Went thru this not too long ago myself but had been married 13 years. It will get better. You will be better for it.

I'm sorry to hear this. Here is some advice that I wish I had received...

Call a lawyer. Now.

Do not move out, even if she asks you to. She can move out.

Do not think that by being nice or giving into her demands, you will win her back. You come first now.

Do not engage in any emotional arguments. Keep your voice cool and calm. Assume that you are being recorded. If she raises her voice or gets too close, walk away.

Do not respond or engage on social media. Don't stalk her profiles. If you say something stupid, it will be used in court.

Try to stay away from alcohol, especially when you're around her.

I know it sucks but you will survive and this will be the beginning of a new and better chapter in your life.

Really sorry to hear that.

I agree that you can’t beg your way back. If anything show her that you are strong and ready to move on.

I would suspect there is someone else if this is out of left field. Sorry, but it happens to the best of us. If she did, you’re better off without her.

I disagree with hiring a lawyer right now. If you can split amicably and avoid huge legal fees, that would be great.

I hope it works out.

Are there kids involved? If not it will hurt for a while but you'll rebound and be better off. She might be seeing a woman.

..lots of other great pvssy out there ... don’t worry and don’t be one... move forward bro..don’t fight as the idiot said above ..just get out and get back in the game with more knowledge than you had 4 years ago.

StevePrefonDead wrote:

I'm sorry to hear this. Here is some advice that I wish I had received...

Call a lawyer. Now.

Do not move out, even if she asks you to. She can move out.

Do not think that by being nice or giving into her demands, you will win her back. You come first now.

Do not engage in any emotional arguments. Keep your voice cool and calm. Assume that you are being recorded. If she raises her voice or gets too close, walk away.

Do not respond or engage on social media. Don't stalk her profiles. If you say something stupid, it will be used in court.

Try to stay away from alcohol, especially when you're around her.

I know it sucks but you will survive and this will be the beginning of a new and better chapter in your life.

Isn't it a sad indictment on where we are as humans that you would have to do all of the above. But in reading them I can't help but finding myself agreeing with almost every point you made. Wow.

1. Pray about it.

2. Ask her to go to counseling

3. Hire a lawyer.

4. Don't fight with her. It's not worth it.

5. It WILL get better. Hang in there.

On the bright side, you're probably still fairly young so dating hopefully won't be too difficult.

Been there unfortunately wrote:

1. Pray about it.

2. Ask her to go to counseling

3. Hire a lawyer.

4. Don't fight with her. It's not worth it.

5. It WILL get better. Hang in there.

Wear a mask!

Get tested!

Emotional distance always

Social distance never

I have seen male friends go through this including two who committed suicide.

Do not, Do NOT think you can win her back. The sooner you get to the point of where you can't stand her and want to be away as much as possible, do so. She is past that point and for your sake you should be as well. Very fortunate you don't have kids. Makes it easier because no reason for further contact.

Work hard to get to that point. It is actually healthy. Much more than having lingering longings for her.

Any body care to share what led to their divorce? I'm curious.

Would you ever get married again?

StevePrefonDead is absolutely right. If it's over, get a dam good attorney and PROTECT yourself and don't give away what she does not deserve.

Do you have enough cash so that you can immediately move into an apartment and continue to live there for the foreseeable future ? If so, then move out now. Get away from her ASAP. The faster you purge her from all aspects of your life, the better. You will be single again soon. Try to live as a single person in every way, shape and form. Find a girlfriend and be sure that your wife sees the two of you together, but only after the divorce.

The same thing happened to me. Happily married for 5 years, or so I thought, and then one day she disappeared saying she needed space. My in-laws were as baffled as I was and gave me great emotional support over the next few weeks. One evening I was over for dinner and they told me they found out there might be another guy.

Eventually it came out that my wife left me for a guy from her work who also left his spouse. The other guy and his wife were a devout church going couple and taught Sunday school while trying to get pregnant with their first child. His ex-wife and I actually became friends and occasionally met for lunch or dinner over the next few years, maybe unusual but good support for both of us when needed.

In the beginning there is numbness. It's a shock because you were building a life with your spouse and you thought it would last forever. In my experience it happened so fast there wasn't an opportunity to "fight" to save the relationship. You feel like a failure.

Once I realized there was another guy I was able to let go and focus on myself. I was able to dive into running and work. Professionally I was on fire for the next few years, my most productive period ever. Eventually I met my current and forever wife who is a million times better than version 1.0. We are approaching 25 years married and raised some great kids.

OP, 100% your wife has found someone else. Women don't divorce without a backup plan. The 10pm thing just confirms the obvious. 97.599% of the time when women want a divorce there is someone/something in the wings.

Everytime I drive my a construction site and I see the one token woman holding the flag or whatever, I always think about how the whole crew probably bangs her. Probab;y the case here.

Take most of the liquid marital assets and pay off debt asap. She'll get the assets. You'll get the debts. How that stuff works.

Isn’t illegal to marry a four year old?