Yes, always a good idea to seek legal advice in letsrun forum instead of Attorney first.
Yes, always a good idea to seek legal advice in letsrun forum instead of Attorney first.
gordanshumway wrote:
Yes, always a good idea to seek legal advice in letsrun forum instead of Attorney first.
Makes sense, no lawyer firm promises to make your dreams become reality
high school counselor wrote:
My advice is do whatever you can to not get a divorce. Even once you think you've tried everything keep trying. You are about to ruin your kids lives. Are you sure it is worth it?
This. Fight for everything for this kids. They should not be moving out either; that is their home. Your wife needs to figure out that she is being selfish and life will be much worse for her once she ruins the family. People are too rash these days, they need instant fixes, they can't except struggles in their live sand they just flee, even at the cost of their own children. Fight for your family for your kids. Do the best you can to be what your wife needs and try to fix things before you both take this too far or beyond the point of no return.
disagree.... wrote:
Out-of-Wedlock Danny wrote:
this is seriously one of the best posts to ever grace lr
no one has yet to ask the most important question to OP: OP, how old are the children?
I said this earlier but it didn't get much traction...
Has anyone who's grown up in a household where the parents clearly weren't in love, were possibly fighting a lot, etc. grown up and been glad they stayed together?
I have a memory from probably age 4 or 5 of hiding under the table because they were just yelling at each other. And one of my dad turning around the car on the way to some sort of family weekend outing before we even got out of the neighborhood bc of some sort of stupid argument with my mom. And being woken up by them arguing countless times from age 5 until 18 when I moved out and went to college. Actually, even when I went back home for Christmas during college breaks. etc. etc. etc.
I don't think it did any lasting damage to me, I don't feel traumatized or anything like that (although I'm 37 and have never married, so...), but I certainly don't think they should have stayed together because of me and my sister. I don't see what positives we got out of it, and she agrees.
tl;dr - staying together "for the kids" is stupid. it will make you miserable and possibly the kids as well.
+1. Grew up with dysfunctional parents who constantly fought. They finally divorced when I was a senior in high school. Wish they had done that a lot sooner. I'm 36, and have never married. Probably never will.
Well, this was about a year and nine months ago. I wonder how it turned out? Most likely she still lives in the house with the kids while he lives in a scrubby little apartment somewhere. Probably paying massive amounts in child support, alimony, as well as paying for the house plus her lawyer fees.
She’s undoubtedly feeling more herself, unencumbered by judgment and dread. It makes so much difference in her life not having to bow to his demands on her time and other tedious requirements, like cooking with olive oil and charging daily expenses to a particular card. For once, her money is her money. She buys what she wants and goes wherever she wants. The kids are doing great. He never really interacted with them anyway. They continue to come to her for help with homework, emotional support and life guidance. Her friends are taking her out for her birthday tonight, and have arranged for the kids to stay with them so she can have a night alone.
In summary, all is well! Nice of you to ask.
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Hello all, before I talk with a lawyer and as I still try to process everything I've come here for advice. I'll keep it short and sweet.
After 9 years of marriage my wife has asked for a divorce. I first realized how bad things were about a year ago. We've tried working through things but she isn't happy. She asked me to change certain things about myself, which I have done and she has recognized that I have done, but says she still isn't happy and wants to move forward with her life without me. I still love her very much, but over the last 3 months I've come to realize that our marriage is over. Neither of us have ever cheated or been involved in a domestic dispute or anything wild, we've simply grown apart.
I'm more introverted than my wife probably realized when we were dating (I had stopped running then). When I picked up running last year to help deal with all this stress it just pissed her off more as she only saw it as more time away from her. My wife wants a man that's going to sit on the couch all weekend and watch musicals and love stories, and that just isn't me.
Here's my dilemma....we have lived in Colorado for the past 6 years & my wife wants to take the kids and move back "home" to be near her family in Nebraska. I have a great job here and recently got my 2nd promotion. I make enough money to live comfortably which has (since we got married) afforded my wife the opportunity to be a "stay at home mom." In the last 4 years my wife has started her own business (she's an "artist") and makes about $25k a year (zero of which she contributes to any bills or living expenses).
I'm TRYING really hard not to be a jerk, but there is ZERO chance I'm letting her take our kids out of state, not a chance. Everything we own is in my name. I told her that I would sign her vehicle over to her so that it's in her name and that I will pay for a place for her to live for 1 year while she gets on her feet on her own for the first time in life. I also agreed that I would give her 50% of my 401k as of today, which would be about $15k (am I overreaching here?).
We are trying to do this WITHOUT spending a ton fighting in court. I'm trying to do the "right" things while at the same time not screwing myself over. The only debt we have is our mortgage. I make about $85k per year and save as much as possible. Really just looking for some guidance and where to start as my whole life has been spinning out of control lately and sadly, running is the only thing keeping me grounded right now. I'm 34 years old and my wife is 29. Never thought I'd be "starting over."
First, I’m sorry brother. This is a f*cked up situation, but your post suggests a calm and rational response. Kudos.
Second, do everything you can to stay in your kids’ lives. If that means fighting in court, do it.
Third, be careful with what you say from this point forward, as it sadly can be used against you.
Keep calm and prioritize intelligently.
OP it gets better. I agree with your stance on the kids (staying in state), if she wants to flee to some family home base, thats on her.
You'll look back at this time period and wonder why it lasted so long, you'll find someone better.
After watching some close friends try not to go to court and watching how bloody insane it is my wife and I have a pact that should we divorce we're going to the mattresses either way. Which is cleaner (and likely never happening).
As other poster said shut up and lawyer up.
justanotherstat wrote:
Hello all, before I talk with a lawyer and as I still try to process everything I've come here for advice. I'll keep it short and sweet.
After 9 years of marriage my wife has asked for a divorce. I first realized how bad things were about a year ago. We've tried working through things but she isn't happy. She asked me to change certain things about myself, which I have done and she has recognized that I have done, but says she still isn't happy and wants to move forward with her life without me. I still love her very much, but over the last 3 months I've come to realize that our marriage is over. Neither of us have ever cheated or been involved in a domestic dispute or anything wild, we've simply grown apart.
I'm more introverted than my wife probably realized when we were dating (I had stopped running then). When I picked up running last year to help deal with all this stress it just pissed her off more as she only saw it as more time away from her. My wife wants a man that's going to sit on the couch all weekend and watch musicals and love stories, and that just isn't me.
Here's my dilemma....we have lived in Colorado for the past 6 years & my wife wants to take the kids and move back "home" to be near her family in Nebraska. I have a great job here and recently got my 2nd promotion. I make enough money to live comfortably which has (since we got married) afforded my wife the opportunity to be a "stay at home mom." In the last 4 years my wife has started her own business (she's an "artist") and makes about $25k a year (zero of which she contributes to any bills or living expenses).
I'm TRYING really hard not to be a jerk, but there is ZERO chance I'm letting her take our kids out of state, not a chance. Everything we own is in my name. I told her that I would sign her vehicle over to her so that it's in her name and that I will pay for a place for her to live for 1 year while she gets on her feet on her own for the first time in life. I also agreed that I would give her 50% of my 401k as of today, which would be about $15k (am I overreaching here?).
We are trying to do this WITHOUT spending a ton fighting in court. I'm trying to do the "right" things while at the same time not screwing myself over. The only debt we have is our mortgage. I make about $85k per year and save as much as possible. Really just looking for some guidance and where to start as my whole life has been spinning out of control lately and sadly, running is the only thing keeping me grounded right now. I'm 34 years old and my wife is 29. Never thought I'd be "starting over."
1) It sounds like what your wife wants is a gay male friend. Good luck to her finding a heterosexual man who wants to sit on the couch and watch musicals and love stories. I'm a musician and I sing, and even I hate musicals.
2) Your wife is a b!tch for wanting to move with the kids back to Nebraska and away from their father. Unless you have been being abusive to them, then this is a huge b!tch move for her. Women don't just automatically get the children in a divorce. If you want custody, I would fight for that. You should fight for whatever you can with regard to where she can live with the children if she does in fact get custody of them.
3) If I were you, I would do whatever is legally your responsibility regarding financial support for her and then not a penny more.
4) I would get legal representation immediately.
sat and kicked wrote:
OP it gets better. I agree with your stance on the kids (staying in state), if she wants to flee to some family home base, thats on her.
You'll look back at this time period and wonder why it lasted so long, you'll find someone better.
yup. don't let her run off with the kids. the courts will absolutely NOT allow it. you probably want to get a lawyer this minute to make sure. but i understand not wanting to involve lawyers and courts if you don't have to. big money suck. just be very careful and very attentive to what she is doing.
Haven’t you posted this before?
sat and kicked wrote:
You'll look back at this time period and wonder why it lasted so long, you'll find someone better.
Actually you may not find anyone better. But you need to get away from her anyway.
deja vu wrote:
Haven’t you posted this before?
I've definitely read this exact post years ago
Interesting. I'm your age at 34, single and no kids.
Take this as an opportunity to get into sports again and hit some PRs!
Go to Vegas and blow your entire 401K on hookers and blow.
Your wife is nuts and a product of modern day feminism. It's sad to see really because you provide and WANT to be in your kids life and this wacko wants to ruin your family. Unreal man. Get a divorce, get back to running a lot and date someone 10 years younger.