The rural runner wrote:
Growing up under such conditions is devastating. In a legal system, there may not be enough evidence to convict the accused, but that doesn’t make the act any less destructive.
I found this quite fitting post by Inga Marthe Torkildsen on Facebook:
“Decades ago, a groundbreaking statement was formulated by some of the world’s leading experts in child psychiatry.
It goes like this:
*Children attach to their parents no matter how they are treated. They must, in order to survive* (Bowlby and Killén).What does this mean?
It means children will do everything they can to survive in their relationship with their parents (or other caregivers).
👉 They will adapt over time—even to what harms them.*
👉 They will submit*—to avoid scolding or to avoid burdening a family already stretched thin. Some may try their hardest to become invisible.
👉 If it gets bad enough, children may even "disappear" from their own bodies.* All you see is a distant gaze, a physical shell, but no one is "home" (dissociation).
👉 Some will fight back*, often starting in adolescence after years of submission.
👉 Some will strive to be "perfect"*—hoping that one day, they *must* be accepted, seen, or perhaps *not* seen. If they’re just good enough, maybe they’ll avoid the questions that could shatter the facade.These are just a few of the many survival strategies of children, and this is far from new knowledge.
Abid Raja writes in his poignant and painful book *My Shame*:
*"Parents should not own their children, should not burden them with guilt and shame (...). Guilt and shame cover the entire brain and heart. I carried endless guilt for everything I couldn’t manage, everything I couldn’t break free from."*
Why didn’t you just leave?
Why didn’t you report it?We ask and ask, without thinking further, without even reflecting on what it means to be a child. What it means to feel unsafe—to be afraid—in your own home.
When children are constantly scolded, controlled, ridiculed, or threatened, their sense of self crumbles. They lack the foundational security they need to face life.
In fact, chronic stress and insecurity can alter physiological processes and the immune system, leading to lifelong consequences.
A young boy once explained to me how yelling and humiliation feel. He said it was worse than being hit—and he likely knew the difference:
*"Words stick in your heart, you know,"* he said.
And I say—no, I *shout* it, in caps lock:
**CHILDREN ARE AT THE MERCY OF ADULTS!❤️ Can we truly grasp what that means? Can we listen more to the children? ❤️”
Thank you for your post. I just hope all posters in this thread might read it without prejudice.
