Mary Cain claims in her new book she also was bullied by HS teammates and parents and the coach didn’t do anyting about it

It's really nice to read your first sentence. Thank you so much.

I don't know Mary or Bronxville, but I did experience drama and jealousy on a XC team. Even though making top 7 is black and white, I still had teammates who got jealous, bitter, and mean when someone they didn't prefer made varsity over their friend. Being the top girl on a team is not always glitter and limelight. I wouldn't be surprised if Mary was at least isolated or shut off from her teammates. Bullying is not always mean comments and hitting. It can also be being respectful when the coach is around and then talking bad about someone behind their back. She seems like a sweet girl, but probably socially sensitive and that might make her come off as aloof to some people. I wish she had been like Sydney and just tried competing in college, which I've heard is so much better than HS at least drama wise. Her teammates at NOP might have found her strange but keep in mind she was only 18 when she joined. I thought I was mature enough to handle the world at 18 and I found out quickly that I had a lot to learn and that the bubble I grew up in kept me naive from a lot of things. Overall, I think Mary is one of those people that needs a strong support system to thrive in. It's not a flaw, but I wish Alberto had never contacted her. She needed to experience the college life like Galen not be thrown in the isolating world of pro running where you're basically responsible for everything instead of having a college coach handle your schedule, training, and treatment.

And that first sentence is probably why she didn’t see leave NOP even when feeling miserable.

The general theme of promoting athlete well-being, including mental and physical health across all levels, especially youth sports is a good one.

She was a really young kid the first time she ran outdoor USAs. She showed up with a stuffed animal in the mixed zone.
How soon after that was she living out in Portland? Even part time?

I’d have to look it up but the answer seems to be “too soon” .

A more general point about this thread:
The main issue is I’m not sure we’re discussing the same set of “facts” because of the way the review is written.

Just read the review and this line stood out. “Despite her amazing early running success and the honors she helped the team win, the older girls on the team shunned and bullied her, and some of their parents were even worse. And the coach did nothing to stop the abuse.“

Look at the sleight of hand from the reviewer. First we have shunning (passive), then bullying (active) and then abuse (very severe) not being stopped by the coach.

But did Cain really allege “abuse” by her high school teammates not stopped by her coach? Prior to this book she is on the record saying “I was emotionally and physically abused by a system designed by Alberto and endorsed by Nike” but now are we alleging “abuse” by her high school team? Have we heard that word before with her high school team or is the reviewer taking liberties?

That is a severe allegation unless you define abuse differently than I do . But maybe we need to wait until we see what specifically she is alleging.

Yes she absolutely defines it differently. We have all encountered people like her who yell and scream at people all while claiming you are to blame for offending them. Abuse to people like this is merely not telling them how great they are.

She only ever said she was "bullied" on her team, but we'll have to see what she writes in the book.

I've always had a lot of respect for Mary and I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt until I read the book. but some of the accounts from this thread, really suggest that Mary is starting to point fingers at anyone who wronged her which isn't the purpose of speaking out on actual abuse. Kids gonna be kids. Sometimes both are in the wrong.

I coached the boys team at Bronxville for 4 years. I'm not going to weight in directly on MC or that situation, but I am going to weigh in on the Bronxville girls coach, Jim Mitchell.

Mitch is a legend, and someone I feel lucky to have watched coach. It sometimes amazes me he doesn't get more recognition for all he accomplished, I think you could argue he is the most successful middle distance coach in American HS history. I don't know the exact stats anymore, but the Bronxville girls under Mitchell averaged a season best 4x800 time of about 9:16 during his 35 year tenure. This is a public school with fewer than 100 kids per class. Yes MC was a standout, but he had no shortage of star runners, many of whom went on to run successfully in college and beyond. His relay teams were in contention for NY state titles every year, and often national titles as well.

The thing that amazed me about Mitchell was how simple and understated his coaching was. Practice for the girls rarely lasted an hour. They warmed up and got ready to go on their own, checked in with him, did the workout as he watched, offering the same simple advice and encouragement as they ran by ("good, stay relaxed, run smooth"), chatted with him for a few minutes, and then jogged off. There were no big speeches, no crazy long runs, no interventions into their personal lives that you hear about with so many other dominant programs. Just an expectation to show up on time, do the work, and be a competitor. Most of his kids ran about 30 miles per week and had very full lives off the track.

Mitch was someone his athletes looked up to, craved affection from, and wanted to succeed for. For the most part, from my observations, he succeeded by offering praise and positivity when he saw what he wanted (hard work and competitive drive), and simply not responding to behavior he didn't like. After one of his athletes pulled the classic high school collapse just before the finish and dramatically crawl across the line moves, I remember her looking up at Mitch and him shrugging and saying "I don't know, I can't help you" before turning and enthusiastically congratulating another runner on the team. She never did it again.

His approach worked. It let kids figure themselves out and decide for themselves to become tougher, faster, and more disciplined. There were no arbitrary rules that made kids feel like they were being micromanaged. Just clear signals that they were on the path to success or not. In particular, his approach worked for a town like Bronxville, where the pressure to succeed and stand out is immense, and many families expect a school system to drive their kid to succeed while also being immensely accommodating of their individuality. No easy feat in education.

I can see how when "bullying" starts, Mitchell's approach could be characterized as "doing nothing". But bullying, like all human behavior, is complicated. Making people change their behavior is never as simple as telling them what they can and can't do. In my experience, Mitchell always saw the bigger picture, and always worked, in his subtle way, to move his kids toward better choices and growth. I'm sad to see anyone taking shots at him, especially to sell a book, and sure hope most people in the running community aren't buying it.

Wasn't some of the story that Mary's parents did not want her to focus on relays and the coach has always focused on relays and team. Which to some extent would make girls not like her or "bully" if she thinks she is too good for their relay.

That's when she switched to the boys coach and training with the boys.

To me, as a coach, parents demanding what their kids do always leads to the kids being pushed to the outside of the social group of the team. Once a parent demands not running relays, other kids get made. Specifically, given bronxvill's long history with relays you could see where kids not like Mary if she thought she was too good to do their relays.

We are always hind sight 20/20 on these things. Do you recall being 16? I do. And if I was literally the fastest HS kid in the country and the pros came a knockin, I just don't know that i would have been able to say no. At 16 I liked girls, attention, sports and money. It's like saying an actor should say no to a movie role because they should go to college first? I agree with you, but I bet 95% of us would go pro. In this specific, best-ever circumstance.

I have also seen this first hand where whoever has a girl that is heads and shoulders better than the rest...god forbid they do a workout that different than others. They get shunned pretty quick. Running is different than football and other sports. RBs and QBs don't need their own practice. Some talented runners do more mileage and different workouts.

College WAY different than HS. All NCAA runners are at least good. HS mary cain is doing different workouts and getting way more national attention. With boys there is a tendency i think for that to go well. With girls it can as well, but commonly its not good to be different.

And this is why a 16-year-old needs a responsible adult to weigh all the factors, evaluate pros/cons, and make a well-informed decision for the long-term benefit of the child. Unfortunately in the case of Cain's parents, it seems that this was beyond their capabilities.

I think a lot of this Mary Cain stuff boils down to this:

She had an incredible amount of talent and it didn’t work out. Happens a lot actually.

No one wants to accept that result, Mary included so blame needs to be placed somewhere. No one wants to be responsible for it not working, Mary, Alberto, her parents, agent etc.

I think moving on is best for all involved.

That's what parents are for. To be the level headed advisors. Not participants in the glory.

Mitch sounds like a Mr. Miyagi type, with a bit of kaizen (continuous improvement) approach thrown in too.

It also sounds like he didn't play favorites.

Shocked by all of the upvotes on this.

What you are describing- the best being the bully- is more male behavior from my experience.

Are any of the upvoters female or have lots of experience with coaching females?

I don't know what others experiences are. Im a male, but I see this with my own daughter. She is on varsity, but often the 5-7 runner depending on the race. The top runners often make remarks about the tail end of varsity along the lines of if only "x" didnt suck we could have won. They aren't always invited to hang out or eat with the top girls after races, etc. I personally dont consider this "bullying". But the top girls on the team are the alphas and let everyone know it, similar to the boys team. I just tell my daughter to not take it personally, suck it up and get faster. When shes a senior and a team leader, she can decide how she wants to act to the younger, slower runners. But if anyone was a "bully" it could have just as likely been Cain as the slower girls.