Now that we're only days away from the CAC, I'll reveal the real NESCAC predictions. Keep in mind we've been workshopping these all season, and Trinity's doping allegations will be taken into account. Without further ado:
1. Conn College. Since this race will be on their home course, the Camels are the obvious favorite. Rumor has it Sam Alexander has been laying Vietcong style traps throughout Harkness Memorial State Park (no swimming btw), and only the one-humped beauties know where they are. Hopefully Brendan Capodanno lets that beautiful flow loose and shows us those west coast moves at the finish.
2. Trinity. Another Connecticut killer is making what many have been calling their "breakout year" in the CAC, and the stage is set for them to run fast. The olive oil is flowing like wine, the mullets are sharper than ever, and Hartford criminals across the city say they've had fear stricken into their hearts at the sight of the shining yellow Bantam signal projected from the Capital. They busted out the Bantamrangs to whack nationals locks Westfield St. & Roger Williams off the pedestal at the prestigious Trinity Invitational and put their whole top 7 under 18:00! Who does that???
3. Amherst. If little Timmy Churchill refrains from any unsightly remarks around his teammates, the Mammoths should be near the top. They've been running everyday on the Norwotuck Rail Trail in lead up to the meet, and Ben Davis has entered a flow state after his 22 minute 6K at Little 3s. I feel confident that Gregory "The Nooch" Baldinucci and his ragtag group of misfits will finally find the keys to the bus on time and throw down on Saturday.
4. Wesleyan. Technically, they're the second closest team to the course, so they should be the obvious runner-up prediction, but no one knows if any of their top 7 are still alive, or if Coach Mayo has sent them into nuclear fallout bunkers to save them until the spring. Still, they should be able to ketchup to the rest of the field and place solidly off the muscular, perfectly shaped backs of Tate Celebi & Ben Jones.
5. Bowdoin. After placing so highly in the titular "mascot race" of 2025, the Brown Bears seem to be waking up from hibernation, and judging by their controversial 800m Time Trial, they may be ready to finally compete this year. If not, they've at least set the stage nicely for their nationally ranked, D1 Nordic team to step in and deliver the final blow. Has dark horse 100/200 runner Jonas Varnas finally answered the call of the plains and stepped up to run with the buffalo?
6. Williams. Can we all admit this team is finally washed? Their matador Dusty has been waving red at them all season, but it seems like their horns have gone flaccid. Bradley St. Laurent made the boss call to Yves and acquired all those fake followers on his photography IG account. Eli Welch
7. Middlebury. Under Zach Utz's soft and passionate leadership, the Midd Aura boys have to be a lock for a top 7 finish this week. Their bones have hardened after months of suckling on Zutz's teat, and they are ready for war. If Bruce still has eligibility, I could see them finishing as high as 6. But brother, a Klingle storm is brewing, and god forbid you are caught without an umbrella.
8. Colby. The Mules seem to have fully recovered from the legendary incident at the Oxford Casino. With one half of the Leachman Crime Family finally locked away at Wesleyan, Waterville, Maine residents can breathe easy once again. They've spent several mornings a week this semester at the local quarry shoveling rocks, so I doubt the terrain at Harkness Memorial State Park (no swimming allowed btw) will bother them. My only reservation with putting them higher is that the Chedda King, Thomas Speltz, has taken his talents south of the border to Holy Cross in fear of having his title stolen by UMaine Farmington Ethan Linscott.
9. Bates. True freshman Jack Crum has returned for another freshman season and is running with a vengeance in honor of Matthew Servin, the only man in the CAC who has ever rivaled his aura and grit. Their motto this year has gone from the fear-inspiring "Trust in Farrington" to "At least I haven't gotten that much slower." Is Max Hoffman still on this team? If not, I think they have a decent chance at toppling Hamilton. We all saw how well they handled business against nationals contenders Husson & Thomas College. Maybe if the stars align one day, they'll have the opportunity to put up a good fight in the GNAC.
10. Hamilton. Songs from the north say that the Continentals have already begun their long and arduous journey to New London. Many have counted them out already, but as Alex Badami always says, "The North Remembers." Here's to good winds and the hope that none of their covered wagons blow an axel on upstate New York's rough terrain.
11. Tufts. Let the record show, by putting them in the eleven-hole, I am not saying Tufts won't win it all---but there's one difference between me and Joey "All on black" Papanicholas, I know when to hedge my bets. The sordid streets of Medford have no doubt been sorry training for the Harkness Memorial State Park (no swimming btw), since the Jumbos get walk breaks every thirty seconds of their run. I've heard through the grapevine Jonah Reisner will again be absent as Jamie Norton has him in cryosleep for outdoor NESCACs 2027.
HMs: Vassar. If the Brewers get lost and end up on the NESCAC starting line Saturday, they have a good shot at taking the whole thing.