Do childless couples regret it when they reach their 50's?

TheAdultInTheRoom wrote:

As a general rule narcissists make terrible parents. Having a child means making someone else the center of your own life. Many people are incapable of this which is why we have so many complete scumbags loose in the world. It is FAR better for people to not have kids at all than to have them when they can't be bothered to raise them properly. Half the US is essentially feral as there are multiple generations of teenagers crapping out kids they don't want which are "raised" by their 45 year old single grandmothers. Everyone should be sterilized at birth and you should need a permit to have a kid.

I hope you were intoxicated when you posted this. If sober, you are mentally ill.

“I see it all the time exemplified with single mothers that I fornicate with and dump like trash, “

Jeez...aren’t you a gem. I don’t believe you’ve earned the roght to philosophize about much of anything.

right

Mrthon Rnr wrote:

When I was 35 I found out I was pregnant. I was about to start my taper for Boston and was sick as a dog; not having that baby was an easy decision for me. Now I’m 46 and my husband and I are so relieved not to have kids! We love coming home from work to a peaceful house and spending our money and time on anything we want. Yes it’s possible that some day I’ll end up in a nursing home with no one to visit me.....but so will many of you who DO have kids!

You were a married 35 year old woman who became pregnant. I assume you were impregnated by your husband. You voluntarily terminated your pregnancy for Boston Marathon? Is that correct? You failed to label your husband an ax murderer type. Wow!

browski wrote:

I think a lot of couples underestimate how difficult it is to either get pregnant or carry a baby to term especially when they don't start until their 30s. There is such a stigma towards talking about infertility and miscarriages nowadays that until you find yourself dealing with it you have no idea how much time, money and stress goes into just getting pregnant.

I'll say this, having a kid is like nothing else in the world and the love you have for them is like no love you've ever felt. Because of this and its affect on me, since becoming a dad a couple years ago, I find it more and more difficult to relate to and hang out with childless folks my age. Maybe it's because they don't regret it.

This x 1000. I would add that your view towards your kids and parenting in general is likely largely shaped out of how difficult it was to conceive. If you are able to pop out 3 kids in 4 years without even trying and no hiccups, I would argue you may take parenting for granted and not truly appreciate the miracle of giving life. It's a bit like have a nice first car given to you vs. working a crap job, saving up, and buying it on your own. A bad analogy, but I think you get the point. Most parents I know love their kids deeply, and I don't expect them to share my perspective on pregnancy difficulties and how they change your outlook because fortunately for them they haven't lived through it.

you could start the same thread about anything you are already into...

I bet people that dont run wish they were runners

I bet people that aren't Christians wish they were

I bet people that never went to college wish they did..

whatever you want to insert... it's a self affirming statement.

do people who deliberately only have one kid regret it later. Does the kid. I guess some people maybe lucky to get one. I just wonder why anybody would decide to have just one. I think I'd rather have none than one. But then my wife and I were super fertile .

YersiniaPestis wrote:

you could start the same thread about anything you are already into...

I bet people that dont run wish they were runners

I bet people that aren't Christians wish they were

I bet people that never went to college wish they did..

whatever you want to insert... it's a self affirming statement.

This is a terrible take. There are legitimate substitutes for everything you cited - biking, Buddhism, skilled trade. There is no substitute for having a child.

Childless people live less meaningful lives. And I’ll prove it. Name one thing you’d trade your life for without thinking for a second? Your children is the only answer. That’s how meaningful they are. Nobody would trade their life for a quiet house and more free time.

If you mean that to be funny, then I will chuckle along with you. If you mean it to be serious, well, I don't ascribe to such domino/connection nonsense.

My partner and I had very selfish parents He was abandoned in his early teens and later reconciled with his parents. I ended up with a teenage stepmother when my brother was 1. We became more certain we didn’t want kids as we got older and looking back we have no regrets. We support each other in our careers, live a comfortable lifestyle, and travel a lot. I feel like I had the parenting experience helping raise my brother. It’s a rough job with a ton of responsibility and one I couldn’t commit to. I don’t know how you all did it during COVID. I’ll always look back at this time as being a gift with my partner. I worry about him being along when he outlives me by 2 decades based on our family life expectancy, but we’re going to enjoy it until the end and hopefully he settles down with a hottie who’s a fast runner and all of our money when I’m gone. Maybe he’ll decide to have kids then. I’m all slow twitch and he’s the speedy one.

Women used to tell me I'd be a wonderful father for whatever reason, but I'm glad I didn't reproduce. Addiction and mental health issues run strongly in my family, and I'd hate to put anyone through the life I've lived. I suppose I'll live on through my art, so there's that.

dad of three. wrote:

Nothing, no experience or trip or expensive meal or beach vacation or party available to the childless couple couple can match the joy of love between a parent and their child.

I am sorry but its true. Sure childless couples can lead happy and meaningful lives, but they can never have this rich sense of deep commitment, love and sense of purpose that occurs between a parent and child. No amount of money can make up for that.

End of thread.

Hahaha...you can assert this but it doesn't make it true. Maybe for you this is the case, but I don't need to reproduce to give me life meaning.

Again, YOU personally be fulfilled, but it doesn't necessarily fulfill everyone. But when you get angry and lash out that NO ONE could possibly think differently it seems like you are just having an overreaction to justify your costly decision to live for your kids. If you love your kids, great, but it seems like people who make other choices make you angry, perhaps because you have a bit of envy anger is strange.

dad of three. wrote:

hey kitty girl wrote:

I have a good relationship with my mother. She once confided to me that she regrets having children. And if she could do it again, she wouldn’t.

I’m one of four.

She ONCE said that to you. So how many times did she communicate to you that she loved you and was happy you were around.

I don’t think she ever once communicated that to me before I got to my 30s. Not as a child, not as a teenager.

I think she felt pressured into having a family. I think she wanted to pursue a career but couldn’t with 4 kids for whatever reason.

I don’t fault her. She was the product of her generation. I just know she did not want children. My dad did.

dad of three. wrote:

Nothing, no experience or trip or expensive meal or beach vacation or party available to the childless couple couple can match the joy of love between a parent and their child.

I am sorry but its true. Sure childless couples can lead happy and meaningful lives, but they can never have this rich sense of deep commitment, love and sense of purpose that occurs between a parent and child. No amount of money can make up for that.

End of thread.

Lol.

"End of thread."

For you, perhaps. Not for everyone else. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent, not everyone desires it, or has the patience for it.

Your word is not law.

I will never have children. I do not want children. I'm an awesome uncle and that's the extent of the time I want to spend with children. My life would be much more miserable with children and it is a life I have no interest in.

Flagpole wrote:

dad of three. wrote:

If your life is very good right now, would you really want go back and change something in your history like not eating the burrito? If you didn't eat that burrito, probably everything would be the same, but who knows what unexpected changes in your life that might precipitate?

If you had to do it again, I think you should eat that burrito again with no regrets.

If you mean that to be funny, then I will chuckle along with you. If you mean it to be serious, well, I don't ascribe to such domino/connection nonsense.

Well both. I posted it to be entertaining because I thought it an interesting idea although applying it to your example was an exaggeration.

Now I was quite clear that you not taking the burrito probably would change nothing.

But here's where I differ with you. Changing something in your past could have unintended consequences that might be quite surprising. I am doing well in my life, but I am who I am and where I am based on all the experiences, successes and failures in my life. You don't know the effect of even something small.

Personally I wouldn't want to tinker with my history because I don't know of the ramifications. I would keep my failures. Selecting a bad dishonest girlfriend resulted in me really appreciating the great girl I met and married. Also while dating the bad girlfriend I didn't meet anyone the would interfere with my future meeting and hooking up with my wife.

bladerunner wrote:

I had a chance to marry a gal and she wanted kids. For whatever reason, i walked away from her back in my mid 30's. It's my biggest regret in life.

I have an uncle with a kid who is in prison and will probably never get out. My best friend has 3 adult kids and he told me " I love my kids and would do anything for them. But if I had it to do over again, I wouldn't have had them." All 3 of his adult children got worthless degrees and have been a financial noose around his neck. Plus, he stayed married to a woman he wanted a divorce from to give his kids a stable home life.

Biggest regret? You didn't just dodge a bullet, you dodged a cannonball.

Yeah, I hope his kids grow up to be better people than their father.

I think almost all people over 50 regret they don't have children. It's our instinct to reproduce. My mother's cousin always enjoyed his single life, but at 52 he realized that he wanted to have a family. Then it took him about two years to find a woman who had the same goals and desires. Fortunately, he joined the canadian dating sites for over 50 https://seniordatingwebsites.ca/dating-sites-for-over-50/ And fortunately, these sites are used by younger people. So, he met a 36-year-old woman there, they are married and have a son.

Lots of families are utter disasters.

Feral women in 'blended families' i.e., letting some scumbag walk all over everyone, seems worse than no family.