47. Homosexuality is a sin and against God's will. If you are a homosexual lead a celibate lifestyle or the Lord shall smite you at Mile 18.
He may not get to you until mile 19, if there are a lot of homosexuals in the race that need smiting, he could run behind. But lo, you will be smitten at some point.
To be a better runner, start by being a better runner...uh, who runs better...by running better, uh so you can be a better runner....OK?
http://run-fit.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/bannerquote1.jpg
Make sure you appear at the starting line dressed for success, in your best '80's prom attire.
Natty Threads wrote:
Make sure you appear at the starting line dressed for success, in your best '80's prom attire.
https://www.prlog.org/12267381-dr-jason-karp-is-the-new-head-track-and-field-coach-at-la-jolla-high-school.jpg
Nice Hammer Pants.
48. Know How Far Your 'Thon Is.
Marathons come in many distances. Some marathons are 5 or maybe 10 kms. Others are 10 miles, 13.1 miles, 26.2 miles or even further. Whichever marathon you choose, remember which one you are running and that even special snowflakes like you must compete the prescribed distance to get a participation medal.
48. Remember, you will always regret what you didn't do, rather than what you did. So go for it. Start at 6:50 pace with the goal of breaking three hours no matter what your training indicates. No one ever had regrets about going out too hard in a marathon, only regrets about going out at a reasonable pace.
37. Eat Carbohydrates Before The Race
Beginning six months before the race, raze your entire backyard and plant a crop of wheat. In four months time harvest the wheat, and make several hundred pounds of pasta (good source of carbohydrates) out of the wheat. Make sure to consume all of the pasta the week before the race - eat it for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and even snack time. Store any remaining pasta in your rectum so it can be "ingested" during the race. Remember, it might seem counterintuitive to carry dozens of pounds of pasta inside your rectum during the race, but it will absorb very fast due to your maximal race effort. I have a PhD and know this is true.
More great tips on the way!
49. Spend the first 200 meters building to terminal velocity. Thanks to Newton's 7th law of thermodynamics, once you have reached theoretic maximal speed, you can't be slowed down absent some sort of gravitational disturbance.
rcschmason wrote:
rcjason wrote:32. Read the Blog!
I'm sick of posting here. Let me wave something shiny in front of you monkeys. I'll post the link directly to the blog:
http://run-fit.com/top10marathontips/LOL
Some of the real posts are worse than the troll posts...
I hope this thread continues.
How can you tell the difference?
Hey screw all of you! I am "A prolific writer who is more widely published than anyone in the fitness and coaching industries", how many of you can say that?
And, and my masters team came is 2nd place at something called the World Maccabiah Games.
More over the top statements mediocre accomplishments coming soon!
50. Hire not one but two hookers to visit your motel room the night prior, so you are nice and relaxed on race day and have plenty to think about while running.
39. Remember to charge into the crowd once you turn around at the 26.2 mark. Aint nobody going stop you, you have to be the dominant in that race.
rcjason wrote:
I am "A prolific writer who is more widely published than anyone in the fitness and coaching industries"
Napoleon, like anyone can even know that.
What is your PR and how many sub-3 hour races have you completed? I did not know that Jeff Galloway had a twin brother. The insight is really awesome.
Man, I feel kinda bad for this guy. He's got his thing going and wanted to promote it.
In fairness to him, if I didn't know any better "Letsrun" sounds like a total hobbyjogger website.
51. Run With Your Eyes Closed.
The constant wind in your face for 26.2 miles will cause your eyes to water, which can lead to premature dehydration, disorientation, and in severe cases, death. Do not let this happen to you. Keep your eyes tightly closed during the race and do not open them until you feel the weight of the participation medal being hung around your neck.
Stay tuned for more tips!
Bonkers wrote:
Man, I feel kinda bad for this guy. He's got his thing going and wanted to promote it.
In fairness to him, if I didn't know any better "Letsrun" sounds like a total hobbyjogger website.
He promoted it alright. His site probably got more hits from this thread than he has had in the last 6 months.
I clicked it just to see if it was a real. Thought maybe we had a master troll that created a website just to get a higher score.
Make sure your kids are there to see you complete your 'thon. I don't care if their principle says it's an unexcused absence, this will be an experince that will teach them more that they could ever learn in school.
51. Apparel of choice for 6+ hour women is capri leggings, TuTu and Hoka's. Best to be 175-200 lb range
rcjason wrote:
n+1) Wear the race tee shirt and pin your bib on the back.
All those suckas behind you will know who schooled them.
n+1
+1
