Do childless couples regret it when they reach their 50's?

TheAdultInTheRoom wrote:

As a general rule narcissists make terrible parents. Having a child means making someone else the center of your own life. Many people are incapable of this which is why we have so many complete scumbags loose in the world. It is FAR better for people to not have kids at all than to have them when they can't be bothered to raise them properly. Half the US is essentially feral as there are multiple generations of teenagers crapping out kids they don't want which are "raised" by their 45 year old single grandmothers. Everyone should be sterilized at birth and you should need a permit to have a kid.

Right. And the world would lose Ashton Eaton, Lebron James, Robert De Niro, Jodie Foster, Keanu Reeves, Jon Stewart, Leonardo DiCaprio and countless other extraordinary and plain ordinary people raised outside of a traditional family setting.

Yes, broken families are a serious problem for modern society. There are many ways to address this issue. Security state eugenics is not a good option, even in a joke.

highhoppingworm wrote:

I will preface this comment ahead of time as being genuinely curious and not insinuating anything...

What studies? I am interested to read. Can you link them? I did a quick search and found some total crap that look basically like advertisements to r/childfree so interested if you have seen anything that is moderately reputable.

Plenty of other studies out there, just google.

Star wrote:

Jane Doe Goes wrote:

I know a lot of other women who have told me they regret having kids. A surprising number.

No you don’t.

No one dedicates a great portion of their life raising their own from an infant to adult hood and then wishes they were never born.

Erm...do you have any idea how women talk to each other and the sort of things they discuss?

No, thought not. Many women have pretty miserable lives spent running around after other people with no time to themselves. Some kids can be ...challenging. Its not all sweet smelling flowers.

Incidentally, I got banned from posting on my phone on here for the first two posts I posted on this thread. Someone really doesn't like women discussing these sorts of things, or its a glitch in the system. I'm posting on my laptop right now.

Star wrote:

Jane Doe Goes wrote:

I know a lot of other women who have told me they regret having kids. A surprising number.

No you don’t.

No one dedicates a great portion of their life raising their own from an infant to adult hood and then wishes they were never born.

Ummm... just because you don't know of any women who regret having children, that does not mean those women do not exist. In fact, you have probably met some of them. They just do not confide such a private matter to you because they can sense your dogmatic view.

On average, women sacrifice more for having kids than men do. That's just a simple fact.

lookism wrote:

hey kitty girl wrote:

I have a good relationship with my mother. She once confided to me that she regrets having children. And if she could do it again, she wouldn’t.

I’m one of four.

Would she if she needed to downgrade a lot the man she married if so and would not have much money or status?

It's wrong to expect the counterfactual of a married, respected and high income/status life with only the children removed.

More likely, different men will want to marry you, you will not live with much hh income without an awful job, no one will really think anything of you or want you around. A poor, lower class life with mostly perverts, losers and druggies around is the realistic alternative.

I hope this is just a poorly attempted trolling. But if it is not, you need to stop living in the 20th century.

No one can look their children in the eyes, have a conversation with them and wish they did not ever exist.

Flagpole, do you have any regrets?

Do you wish your life was different than it turned out?

I don’t have those kind of regrets.

I have children.

I don’t regret having them.

I know people over 50 that never had children and do not regret it.

Star wrote:

No one can look their children in the eyes, have a conversation with them and wish they did not ever exist.

You are switching the subject. Just because some mothers regret having children, that does not mean they will tell that to their children. Most of them only confide that feeling to other adults.

Stop living in your bubble, and realize there is a big world outside of it.

Star wrote:

Flagpole, do you have any regrets?

Do you wish your life was different than it turned out?

I don’t have those kind of regrets.

I have children.

I don’t regret having them.

I know people over 50 that never had children and do not regret it.

I do not have any major life regrets no. I regret eating a bean burrito from Taco Bell back in 2002 due to the war inside of me that followed, but no life regrets, no.

I too have children, and not only do I not regret having them, I knew from an early age that I wanted children, so I would likely greatly regret NOT having children if that had become a reality.

I didn't particularly like a couple of my past jobs, but those were necessary to bring home the bacon, and all of my jobs honed my abilities to do what I do now, working for myself, sitting at home in shorts and a t-shirt every day.

I regret that I had a torn meniscus that required surgery and led to several years of way more sedentary life than I would have wanted, but that was beyond my control, and I am past that now.

So again, no, I do not have any regrets about any major life decisions. Part of that is that I make good decisions almost 100% of the time, but it's also because I am a grateful person...grateful for what I have (because, really, I have it better than the vast majority of people on Earth, and it would be selfish beyond belief to not be grateful), and I'm never disappointed about what I don't have.

Jane, maybe these women were just trying to not let you feel bad because you don't have kids.

Just Another Hobby Jogger wrote:

Star wrote:

No one can look their children in the eyes, have a conversation with them and wish they did not ever exist.

You are switching the subject. Just because some mothers regret having children, that does not mean they will tell that to their children. Most of them only confide that feeling to other adults.

Stop living in your bubble, and realize there is a big world outside of it.

Actually you are switching the subject on Star. Star never mentioned telling the children, Star only mentioned the feeling of not wanting them.

hey kitty girl wrote:

I have a good relationship with my mother. She once confided to me that she regrets having children. And if she could do it again, she wouldn’t.

I’m one of four.

She ONCE said that to you. So how many times did she communicate to you that she loved you and was happy you were around.

I have no doubt there are some people who do regret having children. Certainly that is far from the normal experience.

If your life is very good right now, would you really want go back and change something in your history like not eating the burrito? If you didn't eat that burrito, probably everything would be the same, but who knows what unexpected changes in your life that might precipitate?

If you had to do it again, I think you should eat that burrito again with no regrets.

Hola, muchachos!

I was on the fence re: having biological kids for awhile, and my husband has joint custody of 2 from his previous marriage. They are great kids and it is fulfilling most of the time - but holy cow, after the whole corona-zoom-school-at-home situation….definitely not adding more.

I’ve also seen more relationships fall apart due to the stress involved with having children vs regret in those who chose not to have kids. Some people think it’s all rainbows and sunshines and fluffy bunnies, and they end up shocked when things go wrong - physical issues at birth requiring surgery, mental health challenges, etc. And sometimes, even if you do everything right as parents, your kid could still end up becoming the next zodiac killer.

That’s a long way of saying more people should think long and hard about all the risks and responsibilities involved with kids before they just “choose parenting” or go for it because they don’t want to die alone / seem like they are “lacking something” at a dinner party in their 50s.

Choose burritos.

Considering I was in my early twenties at the time and they were in the main over 40, I think this highly unlikely.

They really meant it. Of course, no-one but the most vile tempered person would actually say something like that to their children, but women like to confide in other women from time to time. I know thats probably beyond the remit of your entire imagination, but there you go.

There will be some people that don't have kids and regret it, some smaller sunset that do have children and regret it, and some people that regret their decision but lie to themselves about it.

The vast majority, provided that the decision was a deliberate one not forced on them, will be happy with whatever they choose.

I have a son and can not for the life of me imagine regretting having him. I'd consider anyone that truly regrets it as opposed to just having a bad moment as a **cki*g monster.

Jane Doe Goes wrote:

dad of three. wrote:

Quite

Jane, maybe these women were just trying to not let you feel bad because you don't have kids.

Considering I was in my early twenties at the time and they were in the main over 40, I think this highly unlikely.

They really meant it. Of course, no-one but the most vile tempered person would actually say something like that to their children, but women like to confide in other women from time to time. I know thats probably beyond the remit of your entire imagination, but there you go.

Interesting that "a lot of women" told you when you were in your early twenties that they regret having children. I wonder what made so many women say that to you in a period of a few years?

Interesting that you know "quite a number of woman with children who are terribly boring". You can see how others might question the accuracy of your memory considering your bias and demeaning view of these " terribly boring" mothers.

Let me venture a guess, you don't have any kids.

PS I asked my wife and she doesn't know anyone who told her they regret having kids.