Getting enough guts to approach my crush...(D1)

You seem like a decent enough bloke so I'll take you under my cool and confident wing for a moment.

First things first: STOP PEDESTALIZING her. She will smell this a mile--yes, full mile--away. She's just another fellow human being.

I generally will not 'cold approach'. I suggest that you not approach unless and until you receive choosing signals. And when you do, ACT! Right then. On the spot.

When you do, and you better or we will all take you to the woodshed over this, you need to remind yourself to not put her above you. I don't care if you have to keep repeating to yourself, "Do not pedestalize her... Do not pedestalize her..."

Keep this simple. "Hi, there. How's it going?" Give your name and get hers. If you absolutely need a scripted ice breaker just mention that you've noticed her around and that she's on the softball team. Segue from there. BRIEFLY segue from there.

Finally, and here is where personal preference admittedly comes in and there are those who would suggest against this, you GIVE HER YOUR #. Have a pen handy and something to write on. Just tear off a sliver of paper and write it down. As you're doing this, simply say, "Hit me up if you'd like to grab a coffee sometime."

You do this ONLY if you like how the convo went. If you don't like how it went you do not offer your #. You just tell her to have a good one and move on. Point being, this is all your call. You're calling the shots on this. You're deciding to reject her or not by deciding to offer your # or not. You're not asking her for anything, regardless.

Guess what? Pressure is off you. If, and only if, you like her, ball is in her court. You've initiated the dance. You've put her in a position to chase you. You've presented yourself as a potentially receptive challenge.

If she's interested, she will contact you. If she doesn't, for any number of reasons, let her be the one to kick and second guess herself. Either way, you continue to navigate your way through life being the fly cat that you are.

Got it?

coolness instructor wrote:

Finally, and here is where personal preference admittedly comes in and there are those who would suggest against this, you GIVE HER YOUR #. Have a pen handy and something to write on. Just tear off a sliver of paper and write it down. As you're doing this, simply say, "Hit me up if you'd like to grab a coffee sometime."

The rest of your post had solid advice but the part about him giving her his number couldn't be more wrong, and works about as often as Ric Flair going to the top turnbuckle, which is to say never. Nearly all women find that a huge turnoff, and they won't respond even if they had initially been interested in the guy. If a woman is genuinely interested in a guy she will gladly give him her contact info, but if she refuses or is even hesitant that's a sure-fire indicator that she isn't interested. If our hapless hero give his crush his number, on the other hand, then he'll be in limbo for months until he eventually realizes she's never calling. Better he finds out what's what right away and either moves on or actually goes on a date with this softball player.

Love this advice. Everything about it is something I would actually do. I agree on me giving her my number because the ball is in her court now. And she doesn't feel pressured to say yes if she passes along her number. If she is actually interested she'll text me and we will go from there.

How do i know when I'm receiving signals? All we do is pass and such. How would i get a bigger signal than that if I don't know her / see her other than that?

I like the idea of me giving her my number. That way she doesn't feel pressured into it, and I can also know if she's actually interested. But..its going to be hard to get to that point and really hoping I can have something in my favor to make a conversation happen "out of the blue" rather than coldly approaching her..

MWRunner wrote:

I like the idea of me giving her my number. That way she doesn't feel pressured into it, and I can also know if she's actually interested. But..its going to be hard to get to that point and really hoping I can have something in my favor to make a conversation happen "out of the blue" rather than coldly approaching her..

Very low t talk here, here is some better advice.

Im not an expert by any means but a thought,

given that the longer this gets put off the more it will probably just make the whole thing seem insurmountable, what if your initial meeting simply broke the ice. Dont ask her out, just ask her something extremely normal like: wheres this building/ room, what time is it, did you just see that, is this happening today, etc.

If you come through and string some conversation out of it like, arent you on the softball team, great. But either way you cant fail because your only goal is words to her. Hopefully youd feel more comfortable approaching her again possibly to ask her out, but if nothing else you can now say hi when you see her.

Its something.

Six pages and no pics?

If you see her eating by herself just sit down and say "may I join you?"

she will say yes

then introduce yourself.

easy

So how did you chicken out today?

Just take a few shots before you want to go up to her. It will help you relax.

MWRunner wrote:

I've seen her by herself a couple of times (walking, eating, etc.), but never have had the guts to properly go up to her and introduce myself; even with her being new she'd probably enjoy that.

6 days later and you're still at step #1. Is that how you race?

When you see her eating by herself, then go over, sit across from her, say hello and introduce yourself.

Ask how she's doing, listen, and pay attention to what she is saying.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Take the first step and do this the next time you see her.

MWRunner wrote:

I like the idea of me giving her my number. That way she doesn't feel pressured into it, and I can also know if she's actually interested. But..its going to be hard to get to that point and really hoping I can have something in my favor to make a conversation happen "out of the blue" rather than coldly approaching her..

You have plenty of advice now. don't come back until you've talked to her. Once you have, update.

epicTCK wrote:

MWRunner wrote:

I like the idea of me giving her my number. That way she doesn't feel pressured into it, and I can also know if she's actually interested. But..its going to be hard to get to that point and really hoping I can have something in my favor to make a conversation happen "out of the blue" rather than coldly approaching her..

You have plenty of advice now. don't come back until you've talked to her. Once you have, update.

Thanks for your advice. I decided to talk to her at dinner tonight. We had a long conversation. As it turns out, her mother was married to my uncle; they got divorced twenty years ago. Anyway, long story short, she’s sort of my half first cousin. I’m not very smart on this genetics stuff, but I think we’re not really related. Do you think I’ve just been friend zoned?

MVRunner wrote:

epicTCK wrote:

You have plenty of advice now. don't come back until you've talked to her. Once you have, update.

Thanks for your advice. I decided to talk to her at dinner tonight. We had a long conversation. As it turns out, her mother was married to my uncle; they got divorced twenty years ago. Anyway, long story short, she’s sort of my half first cousin. I’m not very smart on this genetics stuff, but I think we’re not really related. Do you think I’ve just been friend zoned?

A wise man once said: "Girls love it when you only talk about Death Grip and 4chan"

I would follow this advice

This is turning into the attempted-dating version of the Coebra thread...

MWRunner wrote:

Update:

Saw her at the dining hall today (usually do) and lost confidence based on the sole fact of how good she looked...Extremely nervous to do it now, and confidence has dropped. Really don't know what to fucking do with this situation tbh, and its on my mind 24/7 which sucks.

Stop being a loser. Hate to break this to you, she going to be riding somebody elses dick, might as well make it yours, but you're NOT MAN enough to handle her. You will settle for a desperate mediocre chick someday. Sad.

MWRunner, do you mind telling me what school you go to?

I'm a D1 athlete looking for a better school to transfer to next year. I broke up with my girlfriend at my old school a while back and I feel like it's time I get a new girl. From everything you're saying this softball girl sounds adorable and I'd factor that in my decision on what school to transfer to. I'm interested in having her as my girl seeing as your not going to do crap. I have no problem talking to girls so if she's available I'd definitely ask her on a date if I do end up transferring to your school.

Cheers mate!

I had an epiphany last night. Since I ultimately want to marry this girl, I went to the mall and bought an engagement ring. That way, if I freeze up while trying to talk to her today, I figure I can just get down on one knee and present the ring and then she’ll get the point. If she doesn’t see any future with me, she’ll say no. If she does...well then this will be a great story for our grandchildren.