33. Race is to the swift and the brave. Only the weak pin their number to their singlet. Man up and pin it through your nipples.
33. Race is to the swift and the brave. Only the weak pin their number to their singlet. Man up and pin it through your nipples.
37. Beast Mode
As you cross the finish line, turn around and fall backwards across the line while grabbing your crotch so the losers behind you know they just got Beast Moded.
38. Shoe selection
Your choice of shoes is the number one factor that will determine your race. It doesn't matter how hard you train, if you don't have good shoes you can't finish the race without getting injured. These days the only shoes any serious runner will wear are the Nike Zoom VaporFly Elite (tm). Without these shoes you'll waste up to 40% of the energy you exert running, and will have no chance of going sub 4.
38. Port-o- Johns at marathons are notoriously nasty places, but they can also be a prime pick up spot. Offer to share your Porto with the nearest honey pie you see, this is a chance for both relief and love.
rjcason wrote:
rcjason wrote:27. Pick out your tattoo design well before the race. It's a good ideal to go ahead and actually get the tattoo inked on your skin. You can add your finishing time the day after the marathon.
This is a marathon, only 26 tips are required. You should have numbered this as the final tip, 26.2.
Talk to myself much?
39. Don't Taper.
Perhaps the biggest marathon myth is that you should taper your mileage in the weeks leading up to the race. Do not do this! Evidence shows that tapering decreases aerobic capacity, capillary density, and mitochondrial functionality. For your best race, plan to peak your mileage quantity and workout quality during the final 7 days before the race. I like to have my runners do a final 16 mile "simulator" run at marathon pace the day before the big event. With this final shot of fitness you'll cruise past those fools who got soft by tapering.
40.
1 word: Aerodynamics
Shave & wax your entire body the night before the big race.
Reduced wind drag= Big gains!
41. A long long stride is important to running a fast marathon. You should stretch out your stride as much as possible to get the most out of each movement. Remember heel first, then pullllllll through.
http://www.bluemaize.net/im/mens-clothing/keep-on-trucking-1.jpg
41. If it's your first marathon, make sure to wear all white so it'll look really cool when they spray all that colored paint all over you after you cross the Finish line!
42. staying light on race day is key, and you can accomplish this without excessive dieting. The night before your marathon, cut off both your arms. That should allow you to shed some dead weight and smash your pr. Just remember to have someone standing by to cauterize your stumps.
Stay tuned for more tips!
n+1) Wear the race tee shirt and pin your bib on the back.
All those suckas behind you will know who schooled them.
43.
You don't really HAVE to run the race to be a marathoner. Just wear the kit and tell everyone you identify as a marathoner. Magically you are now the same as someone that ran 26.2 miles.
44. It's not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean. So don't let the fox guard the hen house. Just keep your eye on the ball.
45. Make Way for the Ph.D
If you hear someone running behind you yelling "out of the way, I'm a Ph.D" then get the fvck out of the way because I'm better than you or anyone else. Don't even think about trying to run faster than me.
45. Remember, THE WALL is real. Around mile 20 you will be exhausted as your body has burned most of your stored energy. At mile 19 have someone toss an entire pot of boiling water on you so you can just zip right on to mile 26.
45. Be Inflexible.
Do not under any circumstances deviate from your race plan. Trust the plan and your training, even if it hurts. The faster you get to the finish line, the sooner it will stop hurting.
46.
Don't be like everyone else. START with the mylar blanket, wear it throughout the event.
From a serious competitive standpoint:
1: Do enough consistent volume (high mileage baby)
2: Most of your runs on soft surface, specific work on the roads
3: Make sure your long run is at least 20 miles
4: Focus mostly on aerobic work (tempo your ass off)
5: Touch on faster stuff (10k pace or faster)
6: Have one long run where it simulates a chunk of your race
7: Eat healthy
8: Sleep a lot
9: Do core or gym work
10: On race day, don't be a bitch.
Number 10 might be the most crucial factor.
Former Sub 14:00 wrote:
From a serious competitive standpoint:
1: Do enough consistent volume (high mileage baby)
2: Most of your runs on soft surface, specific work on the roads
3: Make sure your long run is at least 20 miles
4: Focus mostly on aerobic work (tempo your ass off)
5: Touch on faster stuff (10k pace or faster)
6: Have one long run where it simulates a chunk of your race
7: Eat healthy
8: Sleep a lot
9: Do core or gym work
10: On race day, don't be a bitch.
Looks like Mr. Serious made an appearance.
rcjasan wrote:
25. For the more performance minded runner don't be tempted to try PEDs, but instead opt for PEZs. Down as many pez and you can fit in your mouth every other mile. Be your own superhero.
http://www.birthdayexpress.com/p/84008/the-avengers-pez-dispenser-assortment
OK this one actually had me on the floor laughing
