Saddest/Toughest Day of your life?

Been There, you really aren't getting it. The reason my wife and I are no longer together is that I'm gay. I'm sure her story of our marriage from her perspective would be much more powerful and tragic than from mine. I am finally who I was supposed to be all along, she was left to piece together her life without any control to save our marriage. Even with that, she forgave me and took such a beautifully graceful approach to coping with and dealing with me. She understands that when I said "I do" 18 years ago, that I really meant it, but I just could not "fix" what I was to suit our marriage. She told me on the day she confronted me that she was so sorry I had to try to deal with this alone for so many years....that she was the one I should have been able to talk to, but understood why I couldn't.

Now do you understand that I'm not stuck on her, I'm not a chump that can't let her go? I'm someone who was in love with my wife and the person she is. I am still in love with my wife, but I don't want our marriage back because it cannot work...i tried with all of my might to make it work and convinced myself that what I was feeling, I could control. In the end, I couldn't do that.

Please explain to me again why you are right about my circumstance.

Everyone on here except him has known how wrong he is for pages now. You've been more than clear. You and your former wife are extremely admirable for having avoided bitterness and for being such thoughtful parents, and your candor is all too rare.

I think that what makes the supposed "trivial" pain so significant is because at a young age we are not hardened to many of life's strifes. The saddest/toughest day for me came many years ago when I incidentally found out post-relationship that my first and only love (and best friend) whom I had been with for several years cheated on me during a rough spot. At that moment I felt as if a part of soul was audibly fracturing. Up was down, left was right, right was wrong, and I lost my favorite part of myself: optimism and faith in the goodness of people.Afterwards I abruptly distanced myself from this person. To add insult to injury, nearly a month later she claimed sexual assault to our university and the local police for reasons I still don't understand. For some time my entire future seemed to hang by a thread as I realized this person could easily destroy my life. Fortunately, these claims were relatively easy to disprove in court. A long time later her (former) best friend contacted me out of the blue to let me know that nobody believed my ex's stories at the time.The part that hurts the most is seeing all the ways in which my supposedly best friend and first love betrayed me at every turn and tried to ruin my livelihood.To this day I have been unable to trust or enter into a formally committed relationship. Not because I am not capable of commitment, but because I fear that if I place the expectation upon another woman that she "belongs" to me and nobody else, I will put myself in a position to be hurt.I apologize for the lengthy post, but it felt good to type it out.

bauhaus wrote:

And now for a different observation: the young people on here who post about the pain of breakups: i completely believe you that the pain hurts like hell. Just cuz you don't have 50 yrs of living doesn't mean yOur sad day doesn't also hurt. No reason to diminish those experiences vs. divorces, deaths, etc.

I fail to see how that changes the equation. First of all I don't believe in gayness or straightness. You love who you love. I've seen far too many people fall in love with someone they are "supposed to" due to their sexual gender. And I was never talking about marriage but a devotion to someone.

Your ex-wife does sound truly admirable and yes, even beautiful but I full believe that you should hold the HIGHEST praise for #1) Jesus #2) Your partner.

Sorry but nothing with convince me otherwise, no name-calling etc.

I wish you the best in figuring it out. Loss is tough enough

by the way I am fully aware that I might have an idealize naive way of looking at love... SO DON'T GO THERE!

bean there wrote:

by the way I am fully aware that I might have an idealize naive way of looking at love... SO DON'T GO THERE!

Man, I'm not going to criticise you for having an "idealize naive way at looking at love," brother. Why do you think I got, and stayed married for 13 years? I wish my my brain could convince the rest of me that your theory is right.

1. Mom died on Mother's Day last year.

2. Learning I had kidney failure, which led to dialysis, which eventually led to a transplant. So, worst day to best day over a period of years.

3. Thinking my wife was cheating on me a few months back. Still can't be sure, plenty of "evidence" says she was, but have tried to trust and work harder on the marriage. Things seem good now.

But personal bad days aside, the worst was going to my friend's house the night we learned his 17-year-old daughter was murdered. Honestly I don't know how to deal with other's pain and sadness.

How he has survived I don't know.

I was adopted at young age to a foster family. My adoptive parents were sometimes violent towards me. When I was 10 my \"mum\" went completely nuts and said I should pack my bags and leave. I\'d have an hour to do so. I thought she was joking (kind of). After a while, when I was just sitting in my room crying she kicked me out of the house (hitting, punching me).

At night I came back and she felt sorry for what she did. I stayed there and grew up. Things eventually got better but this incident always gets back to me and is probably the main reason why I was never able to completely trust my parents again.

My thoughts go out to everyone that has contributed to this thread. Especially the story of the two guys with wifes that were diagnosed with HD.

You both mentioned having to deal with massive guilt. Have you thought about group therapy? There might be groups out there for helping relative/friends of persons diagnosed with HD

I was signed up to give a bone marrow transplant to a 2 year old girl with Lukemia, and after a battery of tests all seemed in order- except 2 days before the surgery, I got a call that it had been unexpectedly canceled. They couldn't reveal details but I always just assumed she died. Other days have been tougher, but only this still haunts me. I never met her, but it made me feel anguish at the arbitrariness of the universe.

I have had a very blessed life with very few setbacks, but the one major one I have still gets me every day. A few years ago my then fiances father died in his sleep of a heart attack. I was sleeping over at her house and the whole family was there. We all watched tv that night and I went to sleep very content and happy. I was awoken in the middle of the night by my fiance saying something was wrong with dad. I went up to check and he was non responsive and cold. The sight will be in my mind forever. EMS came and took him to the hospital. He was pronounced dead shortly after. Seeing the love of my life in so much pain was the worst thing I could ever imagine. Seeing her walk down the aisle was happiest/saddest moment of my life. I think about him everyday, and pray for my wife and her family all of the time.

This thread is incredibly sad, yet very inspiring.

I'm still pretty young, but I feel like I've been through a lot over the last couple of years. I'm about to graduate college and I'm still with the girl in this story.

I met her at the beginning of freshman year, and she had a pretty bad past of sexual abuse and pretty bad PTSD. She had a lot of trouble doing anything sexual, at the beginning of the relationship she couldn't even kiss me. I decided to date her anyways because I thought she was an awesome person and that I should give her a chance because a relationship is about a lot more than sex. Over the next year or two, we developed a really good relationship and I was really in love...like head over heels, boyish crush in love. I had trouble dealing with talking about her past because I hadn't really had to deal with anything like that in my childhood; so it was hard to confront how hard some people had it. But the relationship was great, and her PTSD got a lot better because I was really patient; eventually to the point where we had sex. So at this point I was in a great relationship with great sex with a girl that I loved.

She went abroad her junior year, I didn't mind having a long distance relationship for a few months because she really wanted to travel. But then one night, about a month after she left go abroad, she calls me online crying. She tells me how she was out with some friends from her dorm and one of her friend's boyfriends slipped something in her drink and then raped her.

That completely shattered my world. I felt a lot of similar emotions to what you guys are talking about on here, my faith in the world was completely lost. She initially tried to press charges, but the police were assholes, and she ultimately decided that it wouldn't be worth it to have to stay abroad for however many more months for a trial, and she really didn't want her parents to know because she knew it would make them really sad.

Perhaps even harder than that day was the next few months where I was an emotional wreck and tried to support her from thousands of miles away. Longest four months of my life. Eventually she came back, and we rebuilt our relationship, but that was almost as hard. It took me over a year for me to deal with what happened and for us to deal with it together.

I love my girlfriend, but I feel like I don't have the boyish giddy crush I used to. I wish I did. I was just so numb after the whole thing happened, it took me a while to recover. Still, that one day where she called me - that's burned in my mind, and definitely was the worst day of my life.

There's definitely a lot harder things on this thread though, I can't imagine someone I love having a degenerative disorder. I've probably got a lot of hard stuff ahead of me too, but I hope not...this shit sucks. It does ultimately make you stronger though I think.

Had breakfast with my Dad on March 1st, 1998 to discuss helping with my Mom as my Dad was going into the hospital for a few days. He died later that day from a ruptured Anyurism (sp?) My Mom died 2.5 months later from kidney failure and basically a broken heart from my Dad's death. My brother committed suicide on his birthday on July 8th, 1991 after battling drug/alcohol addiction from severe burns he suffered in an industrial accident when he was 20. Had to put my favorite dog down when he was 12 years old. He was my companion that went everywhere with me, that was very hard to drop him off at the Vet that day. Was laid off this January from my job unexpectedly. I felt like I was kicked in the stomach that day as I and others cleaned out our desks.... but, life goes on.

Jeez, this thread is killing me...

Wish I could make you all a bowl of soup.

The amazing thing about all these stories is that life goes on. The police called me 9 years ago to say they found my dad's body. He had been dead for 3 days. I think of him every day, and have had great passions and joys since, but I always carry that day with me.

Just thought of something to lighten your day. Prayers goes out to all of ya'll!

http://m.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=%2F&gl=US#/watch?v=I-W5ND6wj_A

Just thought of something to lighten your day. Prayers goes out to all of ya'll!

http://m.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=%2F&gl=US#/watch?v=I-W5ND6wj_A

When I was 4 years old my father was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Being a kid and not really knowing what was going on or being able to completely comprehend the situation makes me angry today. I don't remember much about him but I have vague memories like when he took me to disney world for my 5th birthday. He died shortly after that. My mom did married again 2 years later to a great guy and he has been there for me for the past 14 years. He never misses a race (I'm in college and he travels a lot to watch) and has taken great care of me. I lost my dad when I was 5, but lucky enough to have my dad now be there for me.

The worst day of my life was when I was holding my ten year old son's best friend in my arms as he was sobbing uncontrollably. The police came to my house to inform us that his mother, my friend, had been murdered by his father. (My son's friend was staying with us for a week---his father asked us to keep him there because she had "ran away to her sisters". In reality, he was using my family to keep his son there while he cleaned up the crime scene). Part of her body was found in the freezer, the other was cremated in the backyard.

I will never forget that young boy's wailing. Even the two police officers were crying.

The day the Playstation Network went down.