The best and ridiculous complements/remarks you recieved before and after a race

ps the mexipole likes to take it in the anus. i know this because his boyfriend told me. and i hear that if he tries to fight you, it means he wants to smoke your pole.

So this guy mizzy decided one night to go for a run atfre he just got out of the hot tub. He told me this sotry today. IT was really cold on this beautifull night but he forgot to wear alot of warm clothing. Anyway he got running, and thinking about stuff, who knows what. But anyway he popped a stiffy, while running, which i spretty difficult to do. Anyway it was so cold the stiffy wouldnt go down and he got home and decided to take a warm shower to see if anything would happen. Unfortunately his weenie was frozen and turned really blue. He thought it would be a go idea to "thrown down a beat" but it turned out to be no good because it hurt really badly. Anyway he had to ask his momy for medical attention and she gave him some hot chocolate and told him to sit by the fire after about an hour it thawed and he was revived but he is still unable to get a boner.

I know of this one guy "White Tornado" who is 18 years old and has no hair on his body atleats in visible places. So were streching one day in the weightroom and werelaughing pretty hard because he keeps farting. Anyway hes like he guys check this one hes like pull my finger dude so some other guy named "bugs" is like alright man sure. He pulls it and the guy squirts out a turd. All the girls on our team are there and theyre disgusted by him, but they dont know he squirted one. He tried to disguise it but there was a really nasty smell it kind of smelt like someone crapped their shorts. White tornado walks out and "Bugs" follows him. By complete accident white tornado squirts another one and it pops out of his liner and bugs following ever so closely steps in it and yells out really loudly int he hallway, "YOU SLOB."

OK, this thread has officially gone to hell. It was funny and entertaining, but it's time to put it out of it's misery.

ok, well i've got some good ones, and it's not anything retarded like the last few posts.

the thing i hate hearing the most before a race, and i hear it all the time: "Are you ready?" WHAT THE FREAKIN HECK DUDE?!?! DO YOU THINK I RUN 85mpw SO THAT I'M NOT READY?!?! AND WHAT IF I WASN'T READY? I NOW HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT NOT BEIN READY!!!

ok, rant over.

at XC camp this year we decided to write our coache's sayings down. he's a nice guy, but has wierd things to say:

1. I didn't fall of the turnip truck last week...i've been coachin for a while.

2. [in reference to a workout we were going to do the following day]: this will put some beans in your jeans!

3. we have no idea what this means, and i forget the context, but here ya go: "I'm not gonna be a policeman, and grab you by your stock and swivels!"

4. it's your meat and potatoes

5. run like you're churnin butter!

6. that's it girl, run like you're stirrin puddin'

7. do you waffle?

8. you done laughed me out of the barn.

but the best by far was outdoor season 2 years ago (2002)

B: "coach, am i gonna do some 400 repeats today?"

coach: "no B, you're gonna run some 200's. you know, even a good hunting dog will lose his hunting capabilities if he doesn't get out and chase the mulberries once and a while...you're job is to get out there and chase them mulberries today!"

at this point, B and i looked at each other, and lost it, and laughed for the whole afternoon. we still laugh to this day.

hope you enjoyed this as much as i enjoyed reading the others!

loser or liar wrote:

you are so full of crap Willy.

the only race you'd win is a special olympics 100 yards and i have my doubts about that too.

loser or liar,

Why the doubt brother? Training with the great Doug Latimer in the early 90s did wonders for my racing even in the shorter distances, and besides, a 14:58 5,000 PR runner will win a TON of road races if he so chooses. I've won more races than I can count. As far as the Special Olympics go, NO I never raced there although I have volunteered as a "Hugger". Those kids were dealt a disadvantaged hand, and it should be your job to help them out whenever possible instead of using their plight as an insult toward others.

Looking back at all the times women have approached me for some straightforward reason (and it wasn't to play Canasta!), I myself find it somewhat hard to believe, but those were the days - honestly I wish I would have done things differently then, but the past is the past. I now just use my religious base to guide me and pray that I am forgiven for my inappropriate relationships as a young man.

JonnyO wrote:

Flagpole Willy wrote:

Trust,

While not one to use this kind of language, in my early 20s after winning a road race, a 30-something attractive woman came up to me and said, "I've got a van over there, will you f*ck me?"

I said, "I'm married." She looked at my wedding ring and said, "I can see that." I told her no, she touched my shoulder and I got the hell out of there.

hey flagpole I'd love to know, was she an attractive nymphomaniac, or an ugly one or what?

JohnnyO,

She was pretty attractive, but I've always been attracted to people my own age, and I was 23 at the time, so I thought she was a little old for me. Now of course, it is my opinion that you've got to be AT LEAST 30 to be attractive - younger than that and you're just a girl.

Not race related, but in the same vein as some of the others, I think...

I was in Ottawa buying shoes last weekend and went into my favourite shoe store to get a couple of new pairs, as I was suffering from injuries (runners' knee) I believed to be associated with too many miles on the last couple of pairs. I had bought two pairs there that summer during Bluesfest, and was surprised and disappointed with how quickly both those pairs had worn out (got less than 250 miles on a pair of Grid Omnis and a pair of NB 764s, each).

So I'm chatting with the sales guy, who looked like a runner, and talked like he actually understood shoes. He's looking long and hard at the wear pattern of my old shoes, and asks me about my training. I said I had averaged nearly 60 MPW for the year, with some higher weeks, and a few lower weeks during injuries.

I gave him a bit more detailed background, and then he launches into a five minute lecture about how I shouldn't run that much (!!), and I should take at least a couple of days off each week.

Now I know he was just trying to help, and maybe with my 147 lbs on a 5'7" frame I look like a fitness jogger, but I had to restrain myself from telling him to shut the hell up and just find me some good shoes.

My wife and son, both sitting beside me, bust a gut during the episode.

In college at the end of the year after track season was over, the University was sponsoring a triathlon - 400 meter swim, 10 mile bike, 10k run.

About 100 entrants. I was dead last out of the water, and by a good stretch too - I'm just not a fast swimmer. Well, the bike course and the run both had lots of turn arounds so you would be passing the leaders. The guy way out in front was a professor at Ohio Wesleyan who was at the time the best triathlete for his age group (50-54) in the country - he got out of the water so quickly that no one else even had a chance. I knew I would not catch him. The second place guy was a student I had seen but didn't know too well - apparently he didn't follow the CC or track teams or he would have known who I was. He kept giving me words of encouragement as we would pass - "Good job", "Keep it up", "you can finish". Well, I started to pass a lot of people on the bike, and by the time the run came around I still had at least 50 people in front of me. I was easily the best runner in the field though and quickly started picking people off in front of me, all the while noticing I was getting closer and closer to Mr. Encouragement.

At the last turnaround with about 2 miles to go, he noticed I had edged up into third place, and he offered no encouraging words this time. I tracked his ass down and busted past him the last 100 meters to take second place overall. Moral of the story - "Shut the hell up and race" He was shocked beyond belief and he told me I should go out for track! I said, "I'm the No. 1 distance guy here". He said, "Oh."

Stupid Jogger... wrote:

When I was doing a 5 mile this Thanksgiving I was passing the slower runners at about the 4 mile mark (It was an out and back course) by now I was locked in a head to head battle with this other guy, as we passed the galloway and penguin worshippers I heard one of them say "See? Atleast WERE the ones having the real fun." I'll admit, right then with a mile to go wasnt that fun, but afterwards getting my award was. And I hope that guy had fun running his 50 minute 5 mile.

O.K. You say you passed the "slow" runners at 4 miles of a 5 mile race. What does that make you?

I was a freshman at UT Arlington and I was in the process of running my best 5 miles at North Texas. I hit 4 miles in 20:55 when I pass my coach and he yells..."You've run well this far, don't f**k it up now. I didn't really know how to take that, but it did help me focus somewhat on not f**cking up the last mile. I went on to run a 26:08 for top freshman honors.

If you would go back and re-read that, you'd understand that he was at the 4-mile point and the "slow" runners were at the 1-mile point. It was an out-and-back course!

Joe C. wrote:

If you would go back and re-read that, you'd understand that he was at the 4-mile point and the "slow" runners were at the 1-mile point. It was an out-and-back course!

Well, I'm sure there is a way to explain it, but that can't be it either. Let's assume the slow runners were running 12-minute miles - that's pretty slow. So, he got to 4 miles when the slow runners were at the 1-mile mark; that's 4 miles in 12 minutes! Logic and math tells me that just ain't so.

"Wow, I really like the way your underwear hung out of your buns..."

Again, if you go back and read the post in question, you'll see he referred to them as penguins/gallowalkers. Therefore, I doubt they were at the mile mark in 12 minutes. More like 18-20, and that makes it certainly believable that the lead runners were going past 4 when the back of the pack was at 1. I see that type of scenario in road races all the time, don't you? At nearly every 5K I run, for example, there's always someone crossing the line in 50-plus minutes. Therefore, that has got the be the explanation for it.

Joe C. wrote:

Again, if you go back and read the post in question, you'll see he referred to them as penguins/gallowalkers. Therefore, I doubt they were at the mile mark in 12 minutes. More like 18-20, and that makes it certainly believable that the lead runners were going past 4 when the back of the pack was at 1. I see that type of scenario in road races all the time, don't you? At nearly every 5K I run, for example, there's always someone crossing the line in 50-plus minutes. Therefore, that has got the be the explanation for it.

Joe C.,

As you have made a good case for your position, I will say that YES it is possible. More than likely though I would guess he is fudging a little on the 1-mile mark and perhaps he was closer to 1.25 or even 1.5 mile mark on the way back. While I have seen gallowalkers and penguins at races, I don't see to many who just WALK the whole way. Even gallowalkers and penguins do run, and for just 5 miles, they even run the whole way most of the time.

But, you could be right - a couple of people could have been walking and hit the mile mark at 20 minutes just as the lead runners were hitting 4 miles - seems a bit too slow to believe though as walking a mile in 20 minutes is a very slow stroll, but again within the realm of possibility.

my senior year we were running a low key xc meet at princeton (i was a half miler). the park at the princeton course has a few historical plaques noting the movements of george washington vs. the british in the revolutionary war. as we're lining up and the official is giving us the final instructions, he asks if we have any questions. a wise-ass kid on our team says: "yeah, i'm confused. did general washington attack from the south or from the west?"

we all lost it.

I was on a message board once and all the good looking chicks kept saying "Back Door you're so fast, so smart and so so handsome." I could only reply..."yes I know" Happens to me all the time.

Sulus wrote:

The following spring, once again at a regional 1600m race. The pack went out very slow in 2:18. I had been opening my 3200m's faster than that. So I threw in a big surge and ran away from the pack. I still felt very comfortable and after 100m of surging I heard the coach from the team that hated me yell to his runner "Don't worry Nick, he can't hold it. Just keep your pace." He did, and he finished in 4:36. I finished in a leisurely 4:30. I guess that coach just didn't look at the county lists that season, otherwise he probably would've known that I could hold that pace no problem.

Hahah. Its funny because I know this story!! Good times, good times.