Do childless couples regret it when they reach their 50's?

I think regret about anything is rare.

And it’s weird to ask if someone regrets making a choice different than you made.

Everyone thinks their way is the best.

Plus, in your 50s is the time kids start moving out.

So everyone is childless then.

I know a lot of other women who have told me they regret having kids. A surprising number. (I'm a woman). They will just turn to you, randomly, and sort of whisper "Don't ever have kids Jane" or "I wish I'd never had kids" but in a very non-joking, intense way. Their lives seem pretty miserable, as the the ones married to average income men have to work and raise the kids and have no time to themselves, and the ones married to wealthier men have to either work in a career in case he leaves them or spend their time running around after him in case he leaves them; in either case, it seems more often that the average income guy is most likely to leave the woman as a single mom.

I feel more sorry for men who don't have kids; those single guys in their fifties on Tinder are truly pathetic when you see them write about how they don't want a serious relationship or kids as if they were still twenty. In reality, I know the few men I know that age who are single are single because they had quite a nice girlfriend when they were younger but split up with her because she wanted to get married and/or have kids. And now they can't find anyone at all, other than their computer and a long term relationship with dating sites.

The childless women I know by comparison all seem very happy, whether single or not single. Quite a number of the women with children I know are really terribly boring. Not all of them, but there is definitely a type of woman who deliberately sets out to make her life all about getting married and having children and be a sort of Stepford Wife.

Interesting take. I doubt women like a typical life available for a childless woman unless they're rich and very privileged. It really is the only purpose available for most people. Virtually anyone doing otherwise lacks orientation, unless they're some big social leader.

I have a good relationship with my mother. She once confided to me that she regrets having children. And if she could do it again, she wouldn’t.

I’m one of four.

hey kitty girl wrote:

I have a good relationship with my mother. She once confided to me that she regrets having children. And if she could do it again, she wouldn’t.

I’m one of four.

Would she if she needed to downgrade a lot the man she married if so and would not have much money or status?

It's wrong to expect the counterfactual of a married, respected and high income/status life with only the children removed.

More likely, different men will want to marry you, you will not live with much hh income without an awful job, no one will really think anything of you or want you around. A poor, lower class life with mostly perverts, losers and druggies around is the realistic alternative.

Star wrote:

I think regret about anything is rare.

And it’s weird to ask if someone regrets making a choice different than you made.

Everyone thinks their way is the best.

Plus, in your 50s is the time kids start moving out.

So everyone is childless then.

I really wonder what planet your living on. I don't anyone who doesn't have regrets. And no, it's not weird to ask people on a message board about the decisions they made and why. Getting responses from others gives us a different perspective. It's one of the few good uses of the internet.

Your last point is spot on. An interesting news story came out this week regarding women in their 50's in Colorado. It seems that a large majority of women in their 50's say they consume more alcohol now than in their 20's. Reasons given are a recent divorce or becoming empty nesters.

Entertainment is always available.

Meaning comes from social responsibility.

Eating cheetos and shooting drugs is available for anyone and I think obviously not the most refined optimal life experience.

I despise people like this, and they're obviously living the opposite of actual life affirming experiences. They're huddled in a hospital bed begging to the nurse for more knock off snacks.

Most people can be good parents, but it takes a lot of hard work, sacrifice and investment. I was in my late 20s when I had my first one, and I was as green as they come. I'm sure many people who never had children, either by choice or biology, could put other parents to shame.

While I understand the sentiment that childless people have claiming a deeper and stronger connection than those couples with children, that just isn't true. Having children adds an extra dimension to the love between you and your spouse. It multiplies the love. Sure you might not be able to jet set off to Palm Springs or Jamaica as often, but there are plenty of beautiful and more rewarding things that you can do with your family and children. Teaching my sons chess, to ride their bikes, to read, to throw a punch, tickling them, watching them learn and solve problems: that is greater than another trip to Sandals or going on an adult cruise.

Having children and procreating is a central purpose of the human species. Maybe THE central purpose. And that fuses religious belief to biology beautifully. Couples that choose to not have children are purposely withholding love from their lives, and living a flat dead end relationship that contributes little to society. Raising responsible young men and women in love is what pushes humanity further, one generation at a time.

The ONLY and I mean ONLY 2 married couples that I know of in my lifetime that are truly happy have no children. They travel, they enjoy each other all the time.

Coincidence, I think not. I'd love to see the divorce rate stats for couples with vs. without children.

Not good for human race, but it is clear to me what I observe.

You're trying quite hard to push a certain viewpoint, but it's pretty dated and limited in its ambit.

Most studies show that single women without children are happier than those with children, either single or not. Even without wealth or privilege, there's sufficient ways of travelling cheaply or doing certain sporting hobbies that make life great, which having kids would almost totally prevent if you're not wealthy.

There's so much to do. I guess thats why people send their kids away to school or for the summer right?

Theres a sort of moderate, middle of the road type of person who will be stuck in the sort of limited mindset that you describe possibly because they lack the imagination or confidence to do much else with their lives. I can't imagine being married and having kids with someone like that would be much more than an everyday set of never ending mundane chores.

I guess we're lucky that most people don't think about it too much, otherwise the human race would slowly go extinct. Maybe its the sort of women you meet that makes you think like this? I know plenty of single, childless women who have a great time but I also know men who seem to aim at the lower levels, probably rightly given their rigid views on what women can/should do with their lives.

My kids were so much fun at 0-14 years-old.... and 18+ I cannot imagine willfully not having them.

I am certain about what I said.

People celebrating the child free life are dangerous psychos. Most single no rulez women are.

40iq men who think their take on debauchery is somehow so grand and imaginative are probably even more.

Some would regret it,others dont.In some cases couples probably didnt want kids,others tried,but couldnt have them,and others tried,couldnt have them,and didnt discuss it with other people.Then there would be couples who would be blase about the whole thing.If it happens it happens,if it doesnt oh well.

No, they have dogs and delude themselves into thinking that in a way, they're parents too.

Jane Doe Goes wrote:

I know a lot of other women who have told me they regret having kids. A surprising number.

No you don’t.

No one dedicates a great portion of their life raising their own from an infant to adult hood and then wishes they were never born.

bladerunner wrote:

Star wrote:

I think regret about anything is rare.

.

I really wonder what planet your living on. I don't anyone who doesn't have regrets.

From what I observe on the message board, everyone thinks their choices were always right and judge the choices of others as wrong.

Like Flagpole.

Star wrote:

bladerunner wrote:

I really wonder what planet your living on. I don't anyone who doesn't have regrets.

From what I observe on the message board, everyone thinks their choices were always right and judge the choices of others as wrong.

Like Flagpole.

Um...I reconsider my choices and thoughts all the time and say so here even. For example, prior to the 2016 election, I honestly did not think Americans were as stupid as I now KNOW they are. I have said that before here. While Americas got it right in the 2020 election, I was further surprised that even more idiots voted for Trump than did in 2016. I tend to give Americans more credit than they deserve. At least the majority have proven to be smart. Going back to pre-2016, I was absolutely WRONG in my general opinion of Americans. I did NOT understand that the stupidity and racism was as strong as it apparently is. For that, I apologize unreservedly.

Also, I often declare when I have been wrong about something here, and when I do, I often (but not always) use this phrase - "I apologize unreservedly".

You can do a search for "unreservedly" on this site and see how many times I have admitted to being wrong about something. Game. Set. Match.

I will preface this comment ahead of time as being genuinely curious and not insinuating anything...

What studies? I am interested to read. Can you link them? I did a quick search and found some total crap that look basically like advertisements to r/childfree so interested if you have seen anything that is moderately reputable.

Coroner wrote:

and then you die alone.

For that reason alone, you might want to have a kid.

My perspective on this view of life changed a little when I was with my father in his last days. It felt that as he lost consciousness that time had no more meaning for him. And the things I would do the next day and the things I would do in 20 years would all just be like looking at one big picture in the present if he could see it. Don’t know if that makes sense but it is to say— no one wants to die sad or alone but is avoiding regret in that particular moment of life any more valuable than living your best life all along?