Interesting. I found this draft on Harambe’s computer.
Ladies and gentlemen, posters of LRC, my fellow P.E. teachers,
After weeks of cowardly avoidance, rhetorical squirming, and pretending that muttering “Djokovic isn’t the GOAT” counts as analysis, I, Harambe, stand before you today not to debate, but to surrender.
And after dodging debates like I’m playing dodgeball with my 3rd period class, it’s time I face the music. I bring no evidence, no counter-GOAT, no coherent stance. Just vibes, weird “hey look, Covid” outbursts and an obvious denial that’s aged worse than Nadal’s balding head.
So, with a bowed head and an empty argument, I concede: Novak Djokovic is undoubtedly the GOAT. The debate isn’t just over, it’s cemented in history for all to enjoy for eternity.
I thank my opponent, Da Joker, for relentlessly dismantling every shred of my credibility with the precision of a zookeeper’s rifle shot to an out of control gorilla’s brain. You brought receipts, I brought a thread full of empty posts.
I’ll now slink back to my cage, not with Djoker-like grace, but with the posture of an ape who’s just been aced, bagelled, and memed out of tennis history.
Yours truly,
Harambe