I am completely different from everyone else in my family.

White Sheep · 2015-12-29T12:56:04-05:00

(Mods, please don't delete. I received great input from people with my last thread on this subject that was very helpful to me (and likely others), but it got deleted, and I now I don't have the content. If a thread is not hateful or inflammatory and people are giving genuine responses, why delete the content? This sort of thing is why letsrun has lost many of its better contributors.) Anyway... I'm definitely not adopted as I look just like my dad, but I'm totally different from everyone else in my family. I have a brother and a sister, 5 and 7 years older than me, and a mom and a dad. My mom, brother, and sister are all three disasters of human beings. Neither of my siblings can even hold down a minimum wage job, and my mom barely can. I think both of my siblings will either end up on the street or on disability or something. My brother is an alcoholic, and my mother and sister are obese. All three are pretty redneck and smallminded. My dad is much more successful but doesn't really like to do anything besides work and watch Fox News. He has no desire to go anywhere, do anything, learn anything, or talk to anyone. He has pretty much lived under a rock the past 40 years and it's definitely evident when you spend time with him. He might as well be 90 years old or something as he has no idea what's going on in the world, who celebrities are, what can be done by modern medicine, etc. I, on the other hand, was a runner and am still very fit at 28, have traveled to 11 different countries, and am currently in a chemistry PhD program. This post was motivated after going back to my hometown for Christmas. It's been obvious to everyone for quite awhile that I'm different, but this is only the second time I've been back in two years, and I couldn't help but feel totally detached this time around, like I just have nothing in common with these people anymore, to the extent that there's not even any point to spend time with them as we have nothing to talk about or do together. They just complain about their effed up lives (that they've screwed up) and want to just sit around and drink, and I can't talk about books, politics, or anything going on in my life. They don't really want to hear, and they wouldn't understand even if they did. It feels a bit isolating, but more than that I think I mostly feel nothing, which kind of puzzles me. I know I should feel sad, but I've gotten to the point where I feel like there's no reason to maintain any sort of relationship with them as they all have a negative impact on my life, and I could enjoy Christmas much more doing something different. I'm posting here not to vent but because I really am puzzled by the whole thing. I don't understand why I'm so different from everyone else in the family. Is there anyone else like this? Feel like you're totally different from everyone else? How does this happen?

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3 years ago 11/01/2022 10:12pm EDT

re: Conundrum

Im 15, and Im going through basically the same thing as them. Except, even my deep personality is different too… im nothing like my family, even genetically. Fast metabolism, skinny, tall. My younger brother is gaining weight badly, lung problems, and outrageously rude and has no anger management. My dad is basically exact same, alcoholic, fox, but - cant keep a date for even 2 weeks without beating them or making them cause suicide(my mom did because of his threats), my grandparents, grandma, dirty minded and boasting about herself, likes to make others feel low about themselves.

basically I should try and sum up by saying, no one in my family is -

Skinny, fit, fast metabolism, family has health issues, a furry, kind, extremely understanding, calm towards anything, patient(extremely too), willing to listen to explanations, good at coding, good at computer stuff(know lots about apple,Samsung,windows,Mac,consoles), and I accept EVERYONE of who they want to be without spreading the word(Unless they choose to).

this guy is no troll, even if hes 28, im going through the same thing and im 15.

3 years ago 11/02/2022 12:19am EDT

re: Wolf the floof

Wolf the floof wrote:
Im 15, and Im going through basically the same thing as them. Except, even my deep personality is different too… im nothing like my family, even genetically. Fast metabolism, skinny, tall. My younger brother is gaining weight badly, lung problems, and outrageously rude and has no anger management. My dad is basically exact same, alcoholic, fox, but - cant keep a date for even 2 weeks without beating them or making them cause suicide(my mom did because of his threats), my grandparents, grandma, dirty minded and boasting about herself, likes to make others feel low about themselves.
basically I should try and sum up by saying, no one in my family is -
Skinny, fit, fast metabolism, family has health issues, a furry, kind, extremely understanding, calm towards anything, patient(extremely too), willing to listen to explanations, good at coding, good at computer stuff(know lots about apple,Samsung,windows,Mac,consoles), and I accept EVERYONE of who they want to be without spreading the word(Unless they choose to).
this guy is no troll, even if hes 28, im going through the same thing and im 15.

Nobody is impressed with the "skinny, fit, fast metabolism" of a fifteen year old. If manage to reproduce, don't be surprised if spawn think you're the old, fat, intolerant, ignorant, loser with health problems, and that he/she has a "deep personality" while been super cool for being into whatever the trendiest perversion is.

3 years ago 11/02/2022 12:24am EDT

re: You "Accept EVERYONE," so Tolerant

You \"Accept EVERYONE,\" so Tolerant wrote:
Wolf the floof wrote:
Im 15, and Im going through basically the same thing as them. Except, even my deep personality is different too… im nothing like my family, even genetically. Fast metabolism, skinny, tall. My younger brother is gaining weight badly, lung problems, and outrageously rude and has no anger management. My dad is basically exact same, alcoholic, fox, but - cant keep a date for even 2 weeks without beating them or making them cause suicide(my mom did because of his threats), my grandparents, grandma, dirty minded and boasting about herself, likes to make others feel low about themselves.
basically I should try and sum up by saying, no one in my family is -
Skinny, fit, fast metabolism, family has health issues, a furry, kind, extremely understanding, calm towards anything, patient(extremely too), willing to listen to explanations, good at coding, good at computer stuff(know lots about apple,Samsung,windows,Mac,consoles), and I accept EVERYONE of who they want to be without spreading the word(Unless they choose to).
this guy is no troll, even if hes 28, im going through the same thing and im 15.
Nobody is impressed with the "skinny, fit, fast metabolism" of a fifteen year old. If manage to reproduce, don't be surprised if spawn think you're the old, fat, intolerant, ignorant, loser with health problems, and that he/she has a "deep personality" while been super cool for being into whatever the trendiest perversion is.

"Skinny, fit, fast metabolism, family has health issues, a furry"

Furry would seem to be the latest and greatest and trendiest perversion.

3 years ago 11/02/2022 11:41am EDT

re: vurryfurry

Yes, I'm confused by the furry comment. And your dad is a fox?

OK, well, anyway... to the original post - I think personally that there is a lot of good advice in this thread but the OP was keen to rebuff it. It seemed like he was very defensive and reading anything that didn't fit in with what he thought, things that were posted in order to try to help, he got angry at. I can understand why he is angry but he shouldn't be angry at the poster who tried to help. Yeah, maybe he didn't get it perfectly right (or maybe he did) but he was trying to help. I can sort of see where these family dynamics are replicated.

OP is different because he's a different person. Genetics and environment are one part of things. They're not everything, I don't think. A lot of families have very different people in them and often it can cause problems.

I guess I'd say to OP that if he's looking for an answer he's asking the wrong question. It doesn't really matter why he's different. He just is. What does finding out why help??

Secondly, and most importantly, what's OP or anyone else in this situation going to do about it?

I think you have a few choices:

- Disassociate from them completely
- Maintain a bit of contact, via phone, text, email but distance yourself in person
- Try to sit down and talk with them about it and change your approach. Say you're their family and you want things to be different. Ask their opinions on it. Obviously they're not happy either. Listen to what they have to say, how they want things to be different and how they think you could go about this. Find something you all like - e.g. going to the park. Do that. It can be anything but you all have to like it. You need to find some common ground.
- If they are sh!!tty people and are not going to change, you can't really do much about that. It's unfortunate but if they don't want to change you can't actually make them. However, they don't sound happy, so here's hoping they do want to change.

I'm aware the OP was six years ago so what I've written above applies to him but to anyone else in this or a similar situation. It is sad when people don't get along. I wish that wasn't the case.

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