Alcohol Use Disorder is classified by the government as a Disability. Your employer is required to provide reasonable accommodation.
Sure, but you have to request the accommodations in advance. If OP had told his employer two weeks ago that he is an alcoholic and needs to be excused from the event, they would have had a chance to accommodate him. You don’t get to demand accommodations after the fact, though.
An event was hosted by another consulting company from 5:30-7:30.
They were basically feeding us free drinks.
I stayed until almost midnight and an MD was there. Drank way too much.
To 1-2 guys on the side a bit before, I said "yo yo ni****a" jokingly once or twice and "that asian b***" when referring about a girl who was no longer there who kept getting us drinks. None of this was pointed at anybody, and they were white. But they were like "what are you saying..."
Then at the end, the one guy cuts me off in front of the MD saying i should go home because i'm drunk. And i respond super loud and tell him to stfu and let me give my opinion.
So now they opened up something with HR.
How screwed am I? I've apologized to all involved, and i'm fairly important for my team but not indispensible obv. Worked at the company for 6 years.
Basically never drinking again.
Another Nathan providing us with a made-up story. Boiler-room can get boring, eh?
I see what you did there. Yep. Definitely a Myron testing some things out. Story is BS.
As I said earlier in this discussion, I would never use that language no matter how drunk I was. Then I posed that the MD and company set up an environment that something like the Swaglord369 event was likely. I used a personal event as an example. Furthermore, I interjected what really is racism in behavior. Is it a word? Is it depriving opportunity even if that person is white?
An event was hosted by another consulting company from 5:30-7:30.
They were basically feeding us free drinks.
I stayed until almost midnight and an MD was there. Drank way too much.
To 1-2 guys on the side a bit before, I said "yo yo ni****a" jokingly once or twice and "that asian b***" when referring about a girl who was no longer there who kept getting us drinks. None of this was pointed at anybody, and they were white. But they were like "what are you saying..."
Alcohol didn't cause you to say those things, you did.
The words "Yo yo ni*****a" or "that Asian b****" have never even popped up in my mind, much less actually saying it. Not even in private. "That Asian b****"? Really? Why would you say that? So I dont understand why you would utter it in public? Even drunk?
Obviously its a learnt behavior. Ask yourself why you think that was OK and then just don't do it, even in front of your dog.
And don't ever listen to that "Baby Its Cold Outside" song. Thats an even worse sin.
As I said earlier in this discussion, I would never use that language no matter how drunk I was. Then I posed that the MD and company set up an environment that something like the Swaglord369 event was likely. I used a personal event as an example. Furthermore, I interjected what really is racism in behavior. Is it a word? Is it depriving opportunity even if that person is white?
That's what I said, the story that you're clearly still very bitter and angry about was definitely, categorically not about you.
Of course, you would never say such a thing because the story was about someone else, certainly not you.
OP, how old are you? people go through phases like this in their 20s. maybe early 30s. it's not okay, but it happens. for those with a decent head on their shoulders, it's a massive wake up call to grow up. If you don't have a good head on your shoulders, and possibly have a drinking problem, you may continue to make stupid decisions.
the level of trouble you're in will probably have to do with how you made the particular people there feel. if somebody there was really offended and really wants you gone, there's a good chance you'll be looking for another job.
really tough spot to be in, but as others have pointed out, it's not the end of the world.
Time to grow up. Good luck.
100%. I'm early 30s. It's straight up unexcusable behavior and I don't even drink that often, but in situations like this with basically free alcohol flowing and a festive behavior I can get out of control. Solution: do not drink anymore. Simple as that.
To summarize:
I said the "n***a* in what i thought was jest, basically privately to one white guy. Then I also said the "asian b***" to him and maybe one other person around the same time, also thought it was funny or edgy.
So I wasn't going around and saying it, and I also didn't discriminate anybody.
The thing that probably caused this to be an issue was that the same guy then tried to shut me up in front of the MD when the MD asked an opinion. THen I got very heated and basically yelled at him that he's not even on the team, and ive been on it for 7 years etc. So I think after that he brought up to the MD and group what i had said prior, and now it's an official case.
I'm not excusing my behavior, i'm 100% wrong. But I think that nuance should be considered. This is also my only issue in 7 years. I have built great relationships across a 100 person team.
I'm just trying to figure out the best way to get past this, make permanent positive changes in my life, and keep rolling forward.
As I said earlier in this discussion, I would never use that language no matter how drunk I was. Then I posed that the MD and company set up an environment that something like the Swaglord369 event was likely. I used a personal event as an example. Furthermore, I interjected what really is racism in behavior. Is it a word? Is it depriving opportunity even if that person is white?
Sheeeeet, I don’t need to be drunk to keep popping those words off. All y’all are lame for using alcohol as a crutch.
100%. I'm early 30s. It's straight up unexcusable behavior and I don't even drink that often, but in situations like this with basically free alcohol flowing and a festive behavior I can get out of control. Solution: do not drink anymore. Simple as that.
To summarize:
I said the "n***a* in what i thought was jest, basically privately to one white guy. Then I also said the "asian b***" to him and maybe one other person around the same time, also thought it was funny or edgy.
So I wasn't going around and saying it, and I also didn't discriminate anybody.
The thing that probably caused this to be an issue was that the same guy then tried to shut me up in front of the MD when the MD asked an opinion. THen I got very heated and basically yelled at him that he's not even on the team, and ive been on it for 7 years etc. So I think after that he brought up to the MD and group what i had said prior, and now it's an official case.
I'm not excusing my behavior, i'm 100% wrong. But I think that nuance should be considered. This is also my only issue in 7 years. I have built great relationships across a 100 person team.
I'm just trying to figure out the best way to get past this, make permanent positive changes in my life, and keep rolling forward.
I don’t think “do not drink anymore” is sufficient or necessary. I don’t see how you could in today’s world consider it okay to use the n-word in the workplace or for that matter pretty much any place. I don’t see alcohol as a valid excuse as alcohol only reduces inhibition for what you think deep within is acceptable. It’s irrelevant whether you think societal mores around that word are justified or not. It’s like glorifying Hitler or pedophilia for a white person to use that word; the social contract is that such people are fools at best if not racist or worse.
”Asian bi*ch” is not a big deal but not at all acceptable around work colleagues. Even outside work, it’s low-life lingo. Respectable adults just don’t talk like that. So you have some growing up to do.
As I said earlier in this discussion, I would never use that language no matter how drunk I was. Then I posed that the MD and company set up an environment that something like the Swaglord369 event was likely. I used a personal event as an example. Furthermore, I interjected what really is racism in behavior. Is it a word? Is it depriving opportunity even if that person is white?
That's what I said, the story that you're clearly still very bitter and angry about was definitely, categorically not about you.
Of course, you would never say such a thing because the story was about someone else, certainly not you.
And yet you allgedely live in the UK yet constantly whine about Trump. The woke mind virus has poisoned your brain
I don’t think “do not drink anymore” is sufficient or necessary. I don’t see how you could in today’s world consider it okay to use the n-word in the workplace or for that matter pretty much any place. I don’t see alcohol as a valid excuse as alcohol only reduces inhibition for what you think deep within is acceptable. It’s irrelevant whether you think societal mores around that word are justified or not. It’s like glorifying Hitler or pedophilia for a white person to use that word; the social contract is that such people are fools at best if not racist or worse.
”Asian bi*ch” is not a big deal but not at all acceptable around work colleagues. Even outside work, it’s low-life lingo. Respectable adults just don’t talk like that. So you have some growing up to do.
I'm not trying to make excuses, but the context of who I said it to (two 35 year old white colleague in basically private) and how I said it (playful, like yo yooo what's up... plus with the "a" and not hard r) -- clearly my intent was not maliciously directed at a person.
And probably part of the reason I thought it was silly or something, was that millions of people are essentially ok to say that word to anybody in public just based off how they look. And other people can't say it. So that to me is always peculiar and maybe in my stupor i thought that was funny.
I think I was completely wrong, but that's possibly what happened.