I am in my late 30s and started dating a woman a couple years older than me about 1.5 years ago. We were both recently out of serious relationships (marriage for her) and were both viewing this as something light and fun and probably temporary, no expectations really. However, our relationship has grown tremendously over the last probably 8-9 months, and she has openly told me she wants to have my babies. I feel like I have found a life partner in her, and if she was even 5 years younger, this would be a total no-brainer as she is a great partner, and we both feel like this is the best, easiest, and healthiest relationship either of us have had.
However, if I am being honest, I am very hesitant to try to have a baby with a woman 40+ years old. Even if it happens, the risk of birth defects is much higher, and I know I would not want to have a child with DS or full blown autism etc. Anyone here have a kid at this age or know someone who did? How did it go?
If you don't already have kids at nearly 40 yourself, do yourself a BIG favor and stay childless.
I had my first baby at 40 and second at 44, both perfectly healthy. It is more common now for women to have babies later in life and they can be safely monitored. Talk to a doctor, but I don't think you need to be overly concerned just because she is 40. Good luck!
I am in my late 30s and started dating a woman a couple years older than me about 1.5 years ago. We were both recently out of serious relationships (marriage for her) and were both viewing this as something light and fun and probably temporary, no expectations really. However, our relationship has grown tremendously over the last probably 8-9 months, and she has openly told me she wants to have my babies. I feel like I have found a life partner in her, and if she was even 5 years younger, this would be a total no-brainer as she is a great partner, and we both feel like this is the best, easiest, and healthiest relationship either of us have had.
However, if I am being honest, I am very hesitant to try to have a baby with a woman 40+ years old. Even if it happens, the risk of birth defects is much higher, and I know I would not want to have a child with DS or full blown autism etc. Anyone here have a kid at this age or know someone who did? How did it go?
If you don't already have kids at nearly 40 yourself, do yourself a BIG favor and stay childless.
Doing that would have been the worst mistake of my life and would have cost me the best experiences I've had.
My wife’s mother was 41 at her birth. Her two younger sisters turned out to be turds, did very little positive, in fact often negative as their parents aged.
Just use donor eggs. If her body is healthy enough to carry the baby then her odds would be the same as the 22 year old college kid who donated to have any issues.
It’s super cheap at cny fertility here in the states or abroad in places like the Czech Republic, Spain and Greece as well. Not sure if you are in the US, Canada or Uk but there are lots of options for her to have a couple of kids with young healthy donor eggs. I’m in my late 30s and I plan on doing that soon too. I have severe adhd anyway which has been a nightmare and I don’t want to pass it on
The problem is more about how your kids will do and how you will cope with advanced age if you have your kids in 40's. Sure, having a kid at 40 who is healthy is one thing. But what do you foresee the quality of life for the kid as they get into their middle and high school years, relative to what your age allows.
If you can be in top health through your 50's then it should be more manageable to deal with teens as a 50+yr old. But the 50's and for some even the 40's are when big health issues start to surface. Those could impact your ability to financially care for the kids and even be participatory in the many activities they'll want to do.
Ideally, having kids in 20's through early 30's is the way to go to maximize your ability to be actively involved in the kid's life while they're still a kid and while your health is in peak form.
If you're someone who keeps in top health and fitness, your odds of managing these things will be better than most in your 50's. But again, 50-yr old DNA that has likely sustained lots of damage due to free radicals and other things over time can make it more likely for catastrophic health events to occur our of thin air. Various forms of cancer, brain cancer, etc.
My brother was born when my mom was 40 and he has no issues lmao
This is an important point worth emphasizing. If it's a first child situation, I advise against it. But if the kid will have older siblings who can help out as the parents deteriorate through age, I see it as a much better outcome. I advise against having a first child in your 40's.
This is an important point worth emphasizing. If it's a first child situation, I advise against it. But if the kid will have older siblings who can help out as the parents deteriorate through age, I see it as a much better outcome. I advise against having a first child in your 40's.
Idk
I think it depends on the person. My grandma had her last child at age 41. basically 20 years after her last child. So, practically different generations. She had her previous kids when she was a teenagers, age 15, 16, and 18. They were already out of the house and she already had her first grandchild before my aunt was born.
Had our last baby when my wife was 41 and I was 50. Pick of the litter, he’s beaten all the other age group family records every step of the way…come to think of it, maybe that’s because he’s not all there, if you know what I mean.
The risk of having a child with some sort of issues has a lot more to do with your combo of dna or something going wrong during development in the womb than her age. Granted her age will increase the chances a little bit, but I wouldn't say that is a main worry. Having a baby that has some sort of issues is always a small risk no matter what. If you aren't prepared for the low possibility of something like that you probably shouldn't have a kid. At the very least go talk to a doctor about it, rather than getting advice on letsrun lol. Then after you talk to a doctor, talk to her. Those are the only two people you need to be talking to about it.