Not greg wrote:
This is also extreme. Things come up. But there are many apps where communications can be done that are public.
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10
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Getfast69 wrote:
My coach texts out team and individuals a lot and sometimes at rather odd times, but the texts are strictly running related, nothing wrong with being close with your coach but talking about a bunch of non running related stuff might be crossing the line. There is also the chance that your daughter initiates the conversation and he is just being a nice guy. I would say it’s something to watch but necessarily weird.
Assuming a minor, a coach should never be sending a communication just to that person. Copy another adult ideally the parent, but another coach is good as well.
Look up the SafeSport MAAPP (Minor Athlete Abuse and Prevention Policy).80 -
Thread Killa wrote:
0/10. The original poster has replied a few times to keep this going. The message did not indicate the gender of the coach.
This is a real concern, and there have been some bad examples of coaches grooming kids, and your making a bad joke of a serious issue.
Anyone in USATF has to go through SafeSport training and a NCSI background check for working with youth. Ask you high school principal or AD if there is a similar requirement.
The genders of the parties involved does not matter one bit.
SafeSport training (I have been through it numerous times) is specific on this, but someone who wants to do something bad is not going to deterred with a 90 minute course or a 15 minute refresher.
NCSI is great and anyone coaching high school will get a background check done, but that will only catch people who have been convicted or maybe charged. Most abusers are not caught the first time they abuse.
Regardless the best practice is not to do what the coach is doing (assuming there is not another person involved or it is private).20 -
samcallan wrote:
Assuming the daughter is in HS or under 18, this is a clear violation of SafeSport principles and I bet HS policies. In short, there should never be communication only between the two. Another adult (parent) should be included on the texts or it should be public in some way just as you would not meet with a minor behind closed doors.
You need to share this information with the school or club and even to SafeSport. Even if there is nothing untoward going on, it needs to stop.
Thank you. Surprised it took this long. This isn't a judgment call, it's flat-out prohibited.
15 years ago you could've reasonably asked this question. Heck, I had very occasional text exchanges with my athletes back then (usually over stuff like, "hey, I can't make practice."). The rules were put in place to prohibit this because we learned that this kind of private, 24/7 communication is the ultimate tool for groomers. It's not that 1-on-1 texts were inherently sketchy; it's that they allowed for sketchy behavior and there are perfectly reasonable alternatives, like including parents on the text chain.
Now that we have these rules, however, you can pretty much assume anyone who is breaking them is up to no good.
FWIW, I was really impressed with the SafeSport class. I expected it to be silly, but it's mostly about recognizing grooming behavior in others, along with rules that prevent you from doing things wouldn't have normally raised red flags for most people, but which are appropriately prohibited because experience has shown that those normal things can be abused.
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randomcoach wrote:
I'm a father of girls, a teacher at a high school, and have coached for a couple decades now.
I give my cell number to athletes with the instructions not to text me about anything not directly related to the sport in question, and only if it's something that can't wait until the next practice or for me to see and reply to an email (usually shortly before or during competitions). When I coached a Sr. Girls team sport this school year, I also told them that if it's after 9pm, I wouldn't reply until the next day. I'm very direct about this and tell them flat out it's not appropriate for a middle-aged man to be texting with teenage girls late in the day.
When I'm on school trips and directly responsible for them (acting in the place of a parent), I will text them later into the night as needed for logistics or safety concerns.
It would raise alarm bells to me if a coach is texting with my daughter "late into the night", though it could be harmless and an example of a coach who hasn't thought out or yet learned about appropriate boundaries.
I assume you are not texting individuals.
Even if something is directly related to the sport, you should not be texting a minor 1:1 but should be including another adult. This is pretty basic and I would be shocked if your school system does not make that clear.
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800 dude wrote:
samcallan wrote:
Assuming the daughter is in HS or under 18, this is a clear violation of SafeSport principles and I bet HS policies. In short, there should never be communication only between the two. Another adult (parent) should be included on the texts or it should be public in some way just as you would not meet with a minor behind closed doors.
You need to share this information with the school or club and even to SafeSport. Even if there is nothing untoward going on, it needs to stop.
Thank you. Surprised it took this long. This isn't a judgment call, it's flat-out prohibited.
15 years ago you could've reasonably asked this question. Heck, I had very occasional text exchanges with my athletes back then (usually over stuff like, "hey, I can't make practice."). The rules were put in place to prohibit this because we learned that this kind of private, 24/7 communication is the ultimate tool for groomers. It's not that 1-on-1 texts were inherently sketchy; it's that they allowed for sketchy behavior and there are perfectly reasonable alternatives, like including parents on the text chain.
Now that we have these rules, however, you can pretty much assume anyone who is breaking them is up to no good.
FWIW, I was really impressed with the SafeSport class. I expected it to be silly, but it's mostly about recognizing grooming behavior in others, along with rules that prevent you from doing things wouldn't have normally raised red flags for most people, but which are appropriately prohibited because experience has shown that those normal things can be abused.
What a lot of coaches don't realize is that the training serves as protection for them: don't do these behaviors and it reduces the risks of false allegations or the appearance of something bad going on. It raises the awareness of others.
A pedophile is not going to be stopped by the training, but knowing eyes might be on him/her can help. If someone is going to do bad things, they are going to do them. Keep in mind that SafeSport for NGBs has been in place for a while now so lots of coaches/admins who has been found to have had sex with a minor have been through the training.40 -
If you are a coach who communicates by text, just include the mom/dad of the kid in the text. Problem solved. Better, if a matter needs immediate attention, talk to the parents directly.
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Iron Bars wrote:
If you are a coach who communicates by text, just include the mom/dad of the kid in the text. Problem solved. Better, if a matter needs immediate attention, talk to the parents directly.
I don't think mom or dad are going to appreciate the dic pics so that won't work.
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yes
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I will say my high school coach texted me plenty.. never did anything weird with any of his athletes. But I will say I had known that coach since I was like 9 my whole family knew him. etc. Things weren't always about running but almost everything was about running or logistics around meet travel etc. Sleep is the absolute best way to improve at running over running itself. late night texting isn't a good thing and a coach knows that!
This is where he seems creepy. Your Child may not understand when someone is trying to take advantage of them. Very few adults seem to understand that too. I somehow understood that basically my entire life. It means I don't trust many people nor do I have faith in much of humanity but man is it freeing to be able to take care of myself and not put myself in a situation where another human can let me down.
So lets run through some scenarios:
1. Coach is a future or current predator:
a. You tell your daughter to never reply post XPM: creeper ignores that and continues or continues to groom the rest of the day or moves on to next victim. Your daughter may backlash a little that you should trust her etc...
b. You tell the coach stop: coach moves on to next target daughter wonders why coach won't talk to her she losses faith in her training and maybe doesn't break a record. then you get blamed for not telling others and complicit in other kids getting touched or 2. Coach eventually finds another target until they can do what crappy thing they wants to do with someone else's kid. then you get blamed for not telling others and complicit in other kids getting touched
c. you tell the school: He gets a slap on the wrist or moves schools and then goes after the next kid. He gets fired and can never work a job around kids again unless in a place with no background checks (like a church)
2. the coach genuinely wants to be the best coach he can be and get their athletes to the highest level:
a. You tell your daughter to never reply post XPM: Your daughter def loses trust in you and may want to rebel a bit.
b. You tell the coach stop: The coach stops coaching your daughter or kicks her off the team because he can't handle crazy parents he has to deal with. quits and your daughter has no more trust in coaches and see them succeed at another school.
c. you tell the school: He gets a slap on the wrist is constantly getting monitored feels like he is getting targeted and can never live it down. Or gets fired and you are the single person who ruined his life.
Good luck on your choices! Very thankful to not have to be a parent at the moment03 -
Sleep is the most important thing to improve running except for running itself*
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Very weird. Running is THAT serious, there’s no reason to be texting late at night with things that can’t get covered in school/practice
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It's WRONG that the coach replies
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Best case scenario: the coach has developed a wildly inappropriate emotional attachment to your child and may never act on it and may not intend to.
Worst case scenario (and sorry, maybe most likely): this is an active grooming situation.
even worse case scenario: something has already happened.
You need to shut this down.
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If you are concerned about this, and I hope all are.
This training module will greatly help identify what is innocent and what is not.
Then you can figure this out for yourself.
Don't gamble with your children.
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I've been through SafeSport several times. It's kind of like a how to guide for potential groomers. Not sure it really stops anyone or saves anyone. Might as well have a form that all coaches sign that says I promise not to molester anyone and that would serve the same purpose except not show the bad ones how to groom, setup parents, isolate kids, etc.
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It is a better tool to identify bad behavior and grooming techniques. It is not intended for you to school yourself in accosting anyone. Nice try trying to deflect the true value of this training PERVERT!
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#98
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Is he BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
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this coach isnt arrested yet?
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