You know all those 5K’s we run that benefit some seemingly random cause? Pick one of those causes that seems interesting and volunteer your time. Oh, and don’t tell anyone about it, keep it a secret. Focusing on and helping others disrupts our little existential ennui feedback loop…..even if you do it for selfish reasons.
- Make friends in a new age range. They bring different things to the table. Yes, families in their 30s can be wrapped up in the responsibilities of kids. So meet some college kids at a group run. Befriend the 70 year old on your street. Friends don't have to be your age.
- Many people suggested hobbies. Absolutely! Watch piano lessons on Ebay. Become a card shark. Start roller skating. Write a kid's book. Get really good at homemade ice cream.
- Set goals. New, different things. Things with milestones on the way that truly challenge you.
- Read a great book!
- Volunteer. Help with GOTR, or local races, or even a local high school track team.
- Go to church. For real. Clearly as a Christian I am biased, but the RIGHT church is the ultimate community, place to make friends, activity venue, and place to volunteer.
- Hard workouts take a longer time to recover from
- Injuries tend to happen more frequently and take longer to heal
Finances/career:
- Retirement is a long way off
- Inflation is rising faster than wages
- Further career advancement isn't worth the additional stress, responsibility, and working hours
Personal:
- Friends and most other people in the same age-range are too busy with their families and don't have time to hang out
- Grandparents have all died, parents are in their 70s and might not have much time left
Politics/world affairs:
- Both the left and the right are getting too extreme
- The easily extractable fossil fuels have run out. If we can't find more, the lack of dense, reliable energy will throw us back into a 19th century standard of living. If we do find more, the effects of climate change will throw us back into a 19th century standard of living.
Tech advances:
- Social media is a net negative
- Cool futuristic adventures like space tourism are only available to the ultra-rich
- Technology is slowing down, 1972 to 2022 had a lot less change than 1900 to 1950.
I feel you. I struggled mentally after blowing Cbus by going out too fast, but one thing that helped me recover was finding out a month later my friend was inspired to start walking 5ks and losing weight because of her following my marathon training, as crappy as it was. I had no idea...it changed my attitude about running and although I want to break 3:15 it may not be linear like I thought.
I have some of the same negative thoughts--38 and recovering from some PF and my retirement is 27 YEARS away. The OCD part of me hopes it comes here fast, hoping to to blow through the 40s and 50s, earn more, and get to the fun parts of life after retirement with my wife and family. But at the same time, the calmer part of me knows I need to appreciate the cool parts that come along from time to time as I go through life.
Life is a mother f'r at times. Your 30's are a tough time for many people. You didn't envision yourself where you're at.
There's a lot of life to go. It may take awhile to get there but keep trying new ways to get out of the rut and eventually good things will happen.
Short version: I think a lot of millennials thought if they worked hard in HS, worked hard in college, stayed out of trouble, met good friends and a good spouse and got a good job they could settle into a Boomer or X-er life from the '50s to the '90s and steadily climb their way to a safe retirement...but that didn't happen.
Not married (been in a relationship 5 years), no kids. Healthy, financially middle class. It's depressing. Parents getting to the age where you realize mortality exists. Your own mortality starts to surface as you get little hints here and there that you aren't peak self anymore. You realize any surprises or life choices are already mostly played out. Chances that you could have taken at 20 just don't present themselves the same when you're 38. You've worked long enough to hate it, but the end is nowhere in sight.
And before anyone says some philosophical BS like "you own your destiny" or "it's all in your attitude" it's not. If everyone had an epiphany and quit their job to sail the globe, everything would fall apart overnight. These are facts of life that are ingrained in biology, chemistry, and the very physics of the universe.
The key is to network and think outside the box. I work from home but found a freelance opportunity writing (which is what I went to school for) and that's changed my attitude toward even my formerly boring 9-to-5 job (outbound calling).
I think you are kinda right about life chances but it depends on the job and your location too.
I do think there are days in our 30s where you feel like retirement is decades away and you want time to speed up.
To all the people suggesting OP keep himself busy, plan trips, take up hobbies, keep training hard, etc. - it's true that these are wonderful things that help make life worth living, but ultimately they're just pleasant distractions that will come to an end. No single earthly thing will make you happy forever, no matter how great it is.
My $0.02 is that OP needs to find deeper meaning in life. Spend more time in prayer/meditation/nature. Spend less time on the Internet. Connect with your community. Find someone to talk to and/or seek professional help. Bring peace into your life.
This post is on the money. It's good to be active, but that alone won't solve an existential crisis. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle is a good read for anyone in a position like this. Simply "being" is purpose enough alone really, once you arrive back at place of true awareness.
OP, sounds like you need to go for a long hike. I'm not talking a day or two. Do a thru hike of some trail. Maybe 150-200 miles. Take 10-14 days doing it.
Gathering the needed gear is part of the fun, and figuring out the logistics. The hike is fun too, but can also be difficult. It will change your perspective on every day life, though, and help appreciate the modern luxuries in a different way.
After that, find another trail to make a goal out of.
Out of all the comments on here, I think that this one resonated the most. A day trip isn't going to cut it, but 10-day hike may be just what I need. I definitely understand what you mean by appreciating the modern luxuries in a different way.
A few years ago, I did a somewhat long hike from Onion Valley to Mt. Whitney (~50ish miles). It was great to be away from the daily grind, but more importantly, I needed that experience to reflect on what were the important things in life. When I got back, quite a few people said something to the effect of "I don't know what you saw or did out there, but you've come back a changed man." Perhaps the effect faded after a few months, but in any case, it does look like I've got to do something like that again.
Oh, I've been in your shoes! One day, in my mid-thirties, I simply got sick & tired of being sick & tired. And, I asked myself: Am I a person that I would like to hang-out with? I answered, "No." Who would want to be around that negativitiy!?! And, I started trying to view the world as a glass half full.
It sounds simple, but it wasn't. I stumble into negativity again & again. But, I try my best to be positive.
I, too, know how important exercise is to my mental well-being. Thirty of minutes of running increases your hormones--including anti-depressant hormones--by 550%! (I got that statistic from Steve Magness' webpage.) Get your run in! I can feel the difference between getting a run in before work & when I don't. Yikes!
Hope this helps.
I'm late 30s and SO negative...it sucks. Like I wake up in the morning and don't want to do anything. This post really helped.
Read the book of Ecclesiastes (yes, in the Bible). The author was king of Israel, one of the wealthiest and wisest men who ever lived, and yet he found himself struggling with the exact issues that so many have talked about in this thread.
See what conclusion he reached, then reach your own.
OP is clearly missing meaningful social connection and without it, much of life loses meaning. Focus on making a meaningful connection to others. Join a run group. Plan a fun runcation in a fun location without all the PR pressure. Go get laid. I can tell by your post that you need to get laid bad and I'm not making fun of you when I say that.
When considering purpose and meaning in life, ask yourself: What is my contribution? To myself, to my loved ones, to my community, to humanity. Find your purpose in your contribution, and if you can't think of how or what your contribution is, figure it out and in it you will find purpose. Look at the world in terms of what you can give to it, not what you can take from it.
1900 had no heavier-than-air aircraft, and 1950 had supersonic flight. And that's just one example out of many.
Life in 1972 wasn't that much different than today. We had cars, color TV, microwave ovens, nukes, spaceflight, rubberized tracks, 1200' tall skyscrapers, and even basic video games like Pong. It's not even close to the difference between 1900 and 1950.
Not true at all. You need to read more tech/scientific literature. We can edit genes, we can compute, communication are far more advanced. Lots more things recently.
American life expectancy went up a lot more from 1900 to 1950 (48 to 67) than from 1969 to 2019 (70 to 79). I'm excluding 2020-22 for obvious reasons.
The 20th century "promised" us flying cars, moon colonies, and a 15 hour work week. None of them are even close to being fulfilled.
OP is clearly missing meaningful social connection and without it, much of life loses meaning. Focus on making a meaningful connection to others. Join a run group. Plan a fun runcation in a fun location without all the PR pressure. Go get laid. I can tell by your post that you need to get laid bad and I'm not making fun of you when I say that.
If you’re married in a dead bedroom situation you’ll understand
Do we appreciate what we have more as we age? Having been injured for months at a time, I find joy in going on a 4 mile run! I recently ran a 200m race and finished 14th out of 30 but it was an incredible experience just to get in the blocks and hear that gun go off. If you feel like crap - go help someone who is worse off than you. Do something with your life to help someone else.
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