What is the funniest thing you have heard a coach yell at an athlete or a team?

Coach to puking kid: If you taste something fuzzy, swallow it back down. It might be your $sshole.

Coach to coach: That boy ain't got enough heart to keep a sparrow alive.

Lewis Carroll wrote:

What is the funniest thing you have heard a coach yell at an athlete or a team?

Opposing coach 'just hang on she is going to f@#$king exploded' she didn't and the guy was a national junior coach....a real dickhead.

Coach saw me buying and drinking a Coke from a soda machine at lunch. Tells me its bad for me and won't help my running and I'll be farting around the track [and he makes farting noises].

{Later that afternoon}

Coach makes farting noises to mock us during the 10x400 or whatever it was.

All or nothing much? wrote:

Mikeh33 wrote:

Maybe a better time? Coaches were in charge, not kids?

My swim coach from the 90s ended up exposing himself to young women in the locker room, so you tell me.

At least in the 90's that type of thing could be classified as wrong. Nowadays your coach could just say he feels like a woman before he does it and the school would give him an award for hi...HER bravery.

One time my high school CC coach told us he was pissed about our starting box because we started "out in the middle of @$$ F*ck!"

Canadian legend Dr. Steve Gersten, “YOURE CRAWLING!!”

My high school coach talked about "frailik". He was so straight and clean cut he didn't want to say "FARTlek." What a gas. This was late 60s, 1970.

At am indoor track meet heard another coach yell to on of his runners

"You know they do time these things "

My daughters coach told her. “Noelle when I see you I don’t see an athlete.” She went on to become league MVP and make all-State a few times. Years later when I became a head coach. I joking always told my runners. When I see you…..and they would always finish the rest. “I don’t see an athlete.

twistncrawl wrote:

At am indoor track meet heard another coach yell to on of his runners

"You know they do time these things "

Winner

"I don't know your time, a cloud came over my sundial. "

“Stop running like an old lady holding her saggy titties” , the guy was 80 years old. Coached a few ncaa champions as high schoolers but had zero filter by the end.

coahc wrote:

Lewis Carroll wrote:

What is the funniest thing you have heard a coach yell at an athlete or a team?

Opposing coach 'just hang on she is going to f@#$king exploded' she didn't and the guy was a national junior coach....a real dickhead.

We have a coach on an opposing team in our area that acts like this at every race along with her assistant.

Anyway, both of them were yelling that my athletes were finished during our state race this year. It had the reverse effect and now all of our state champion athletes think they are jerks.

HS XC race, there was a coach looking on through binoculars as the gun goes off. calls out a random split at 29 seconds (no markings on the course whatsoever), then looks down at his stopwatch and goes ... "there's no pace!!!"

who among us hasn't wanted to yell this?

bowbridge wrote:

Was running the New York City Marathon back in the 90's. Just dying the last few miles; made the turn into Central Park from 5th Avenue up that short steep hill (no longer part of the course, they took it out to make it easier), and started walking up the hill.

A woman runs out of the crowd, gets in my face and yells "I didn't come out hear to watch you walk!!". I started jogging the rest of the hill and when I crested it and was out of sight, I went back to walking slower than I was going up the hill.

That hill is still in the course lolololol.

iplod wrote:

My high school coach talked about "frailik". He was so straight and clean cut he didn't want to say "FARTlek." What a gas. This was late 60s, 1970.

What an idiot.

wespoop wrote:

All or nothing much? wrote:

My swim coach from the 90s ended up exposing himself to young women in the locker room, so you tell me.

At least in the 90's that type of thing could be classified as wrong. Nowadays your coach could just say he feels like a woman before he does it and the school would give him an award for hi...HER bravery.

What a moronic red herring.

Male-to-female sexual abusers of minors are incredibly rare.

Male abusers of minors are common.