dad of none wrote:
I am sure some would have loved to have kids. I could have gone either way. But I am so glad I didn't have to deal with school boards or shuttling the kids around to sports practice.
Not to mention the $555000 for all of it until College and beyond.
Those numbers are a crock! You don't have to spend anything like that amount to raise good kids and help them get through college. I've had 7 and we were a single earner middle income family and have done just fine.
counting my money wrote:
Get real losers!
You self righteous dweebs.
Kids are terrible! 👎👎👎👎
People love to ask, “ do you have kids” , and when I emphatically say “no way”, the immediate reaction is “ oh good for you. I mean.,,,don’t get me wrong, kids are great...” hahahaaa. Admit it, kids are a financial drain and there goes any freedom you once had. They smell funny too. Glued to their phones and devices. Lazy useless kids are just an eyesore. And these days they’re all fat. No thank you. I like being rich in California and traveling and having whatever we like. And we can run anytime we’re not working. Not taking some grubby little beggar to soccer ⚽️ games, Enjoy your minivans suckers!!!
Enjoy your lonliness. Wouldn't trade my kids or grandkids for anything.
blamb61 wrote:
counting my money wrote:
Get real losers!
You self righteous dweebs.
Kids are terrible! 👎👎👎👎
People love to ask, “ do you have kids” , and when I emphatically say “no way”, the immediate reaction is “ oh good for you. I mean.,,,don’t get me wrong, kids are great...” hahahaaa. Admit it, kids are a financial drain and there goes any freedom you once had. They smell funny too. Glued to their phones and devices. Lazy useless kids are just an eyesore. And these days they’re all fat. No thank you. I like being rich in California and traveling and having whatever we like. And we can run anytime we’re not working. Not taking some grubby little beggar to soccer ⚽️ games, Enjoy your minivans suckers!!!
It is nice having something worth sacrificing for.
Enjoy your lonliness. Wouldn't trade my kids or grandkids for anything.
dad of three wrote:
dad of none wrote:
I am sure some would have loved to have kids. I could have gone either way. But I am so glad I didn't have to deal with school boards or shuttling the kids around to sports practice.
Not to mention the $555000 for all of it until College and beyond.
No question about it, not having kids is easier and cheaper.
I have 2
One lives close, the other 12 hours drive away.
I love having kids, I worry about them all the time, but the closer I get to the end, the less that happens.
IN a country where a lot of people move relentlessly, I can imagine a lot of old people ending up in a place with a lot of old strangers.
I don't regret the money educating my kids, I'd likely have spent it on something anyway
semantic antic wrote:
umm, nope wrote:
Marriages don't fall apart because of kids. Marriages fall apart because of parents who happen to have kids. If you regret having kids because they changed your life, you screwed up by having kids. It has ZERO to do with them.
Stating an outrageous claim multiple times doesn't make it any more true. It's always suspicious when someone speaks in absolutes (e.g., always capitalizing ZERO). It sounds sort of like when people say that masks and social distancing have NO effect, or that a vaccine carries ZERO risk. Perhaps the risk is 0.00001%, but it's not zero, just as maybe social distancing wasn't the only solution but was part of it...not to get distracted by COVID, but it shows how claiming absolutes is just a way of trying to overstate a weak position.
If you think that raising a kid, which takes up more time than training for a marathon, has absolutely ZERO affect on the quality of a relationship between two people, I don't know what to say.
None of this is to say that some people don't absolutely adore their children. Their marriage may suffer and they have less time to travel or to get that promotion and may still be perfectly happy that they chose to have kids. That's fine. But it has an effect on those other parts of your life, clearly.
"For around 30 years, researchers have studied how having children affects a marriage, and the results are conclusive: the relationship between spouses suffers once kids come along. Comparing couples with and without children, researchers found that the rate of the decline in relationship satisfaction is nearly twice as steep for couples who have children than for childless couples. In the event that a pregnancy is unplanned, the parents experience even greater negative impacts on their relationship."
"Worse still, this decrease in marital satisfaction likely leads to a change in general happiness, because the biggest predictor of overall life satisfaction is one’s satisfaction with their spouse."
https://theconversation.com/have-children-heres-how-kids-ruin-your-romantic-relationship-57944
semantic antic wrote:
umm, nope wrote:
Marriages don't fall apart because of kids. Marriages fall apart because of parents who happen to have kids. If you regret having kids because they changed your life, you screwed up by having kids. It has ZERO to do with them.
Stating an outrageous claim multiple times doesn't make it any more true. It's always suspicious when someone speaks in absolutes (e.g., always capitalizing ZERO). It sounds sort of like when people say that masks and social distancing have NO effect, or that a vaccine carries ZERO risk. Perhaps the risk is 0.00001%, but it's not zero, just as maybe social distancing wasn't the only solution but was part of it...not to get distracted by COVID, but it shows how claiming absolutes is just a way of trying to overstate a weak position.
If you think that raising a kid, which takes up more time than training for a marathon, has absolutely ZERO affect on the quality of a relationship between two people, I don't know what to say.
None of this is to say that some people don't absolutely adore their children. Their marriage may suffer and they have less time to travel or to get that promotion and may still be perfectly happy that they chose to have kids. That's fine. But it has an effect on those other parts of your life, clearly.
"For around 30 years, researchers have studied how having children affects a marriage, and the results are conclusive: the relationship between spouses suffers once kids come along. Comparing couples with and without children, researchers found that the rate of the decline in relationship satisfaction is nearly twice as steep for couples who have children than for childless couples. In the event that a pregnancy is unplanned, the parents experience even greater negative impacts on their relationship."
"Worse still, this decrease in marital satisfaction likely leads to a change in general happiness, because the biggest predictor of overall life satisfaction is one’s satisfaction with their spouse."
https://theconversation.com/have-children-heres-how-kids-ruin-your-romantic-relationship-57944
Kids help marriages stay together during rough stretches because there is motivation to stay together.
blamb61 wrote:
counting my money wrote:
Get real losers!
You self righteous dweebs.
Kids are terrible! 👎👎👎👎
People love to ask, “ do you have kids” , and when I emphatically say “no way”, the immediate reaction is “ oh good for you. I mean.,,,don’t get me wrong, kids are great...” hahahaaa. Admit it, kids are a financial drain and there goes any freedom you once had. They smell funny too. Glued to their phones and devices. Lazy useless kids are just an eyesore. And these days they’re all fat. No thank you. I like being rich in California and traveling and having whatever we like. And we can run anytime we’re not working. Not taking some grubby little beggar to soccer ⚽️ games, Enjoy your minivans suckers!!!
Enjoy your lonliness. Wouldn't trade my kids or grandkids for anything.
Some folks can't have kids and that is understandable, they can have fullfillment in other ways. Your attitude is pathertic though and is very shallow.
If you're not prepared to be committed to your partner and the kid for the next 18 whole years at least, then don't do it. Out of wedlock single parent kids have a high rate of "failure" in life because they are set up to fail by their incompetent parents. We are a product of our environment and poor or absent parenting will set kids up to fail not only as kids but also as adults.
I see it all the time exemplified with single mothers that I fornicate with and dump like trash, their kid(s) are poorly behaved due to no father figure to fulfill their emotional needs. The kid has no respect for the mothers authority and is stuck in a cycle of bad behavior and the punishment just sets the kid back further and exacerbates the poor behavior and results. People who have kids need to be more responsible and prepared to have kids so the kids have a good opportunity rather than being destined to fail.
My mother greatly appreciated having a loving husband and myself, her only child, to take care of her in her home with hospice care coming in once a day for about an hour. She went through two prior treatments for brain cancer over the prior 10 years and developed cancer elsewhere. Chemo would not have helped as her conditioned worsened daily and she died within 2 weeks of her first oncologist appointment. She did not want to go through chemo a 3rd time and did not want to go to a hospital again. She died after about 10 days of hospice care.
My father appreciated me living with him for 4 months last year to care for him. Unfortunately after 4 months his dementia worsened and he longer trusted me or anyone else to care for him. He thought he heard and saw strangers in the house and that they are stealing his money. He never wanted to go to any long term care facility but I could not care for him as he needed medications to keep him from becoming physical with even the staff. He died within 4 months of being put in long term memory unit care. He had been doing okay for years prior to this even though Parkinson's was slowly progressing.
I hate to think what happens to those who have no one to help them navigate the healthcare system when they are frail physically or mentally or both. I hate to think of what happens with those without the insurance and financial means to get the care they need.
I am not sure what I will want or do when I reach the point of greatly diminished quality of life. The last few weeks were terrible for my mother and I lost my father 4 months before he died due to the dementia and the effects of the medications used to prevent him from becoming verbally and physically aggressive with staff. Long term care facilities will have violent residents removed if behavior issues are not controlled with medication. Good luck finding a psychiatric hospital that will accept someone. One that I contacted was full and another would not accept him based on report from local hospital intensive care unit. Local hospital had to but him in an intensive care bed just so they could keep him controlled and safe and their staff safe. I had to get my father in psych hospital to get on meds before any memory care facility would accept him. He spent about a month in the only psychiatric hospital in the state that would accept him. He almost never swore before dementia and he was never physical with anyone before his dementia worsened. I was shocked when I saw my father after a month in the psych hospital. He was about 230 lbs 3 months before I moved in. He was 195 when I was staying with him. He was 180 or less after a month in the psych hospital. Looking at his legs and chest after death I would guess he weighed 140 to 150 lbs.
You better have a plan on what is going to be done to you once your quality of life worsens and you are no longer able to care for yourself. If you do not have a heathy and loving spouse or children then who will help you. Others may just walk out on you.
their 50s
not
their 50's
In my mid 50's with no kids - not even in a relationship. I had a chance to marry a gal and she wanted kids. For whatever reason, i walked away from her back in my mid 30's. It's my biggest regret in life.
I have an uncle with a kid who is in prison and will probably never get out. My best friend has 3 adult kids and he told me " I love my kids and would do anything for them. But if I had it to do over again, I wouldn't have had them." All 3 of his adult children got worthless degrees and have been a financial noose around his neck. Plus, he stayed married to a woman he wanted a divorce from to give his kids a stable home life. I know he loves his kids and probably made that statement in frustration. But it does raise the point: If your kids are failures, does that make you question your parenting skills or have regrets about having them in the first place?
Waaaahhhhhhh wrote:
This whole thread is a classic case of “I am not sure about my life decision so I go on a message board full of strangers asking them to offer cases of people who regret making the opposite decision so I feel better about my life”
+1.
The answer is obvious. Some do, others don't.
Some parents also regret having kids, and others don't.
If you cannot accept that other people are not like you, you are insecure.
Learn to live your own life. It's not too late to start.
No one we know irl has ever told us that we're missing out or that we'd be happier with kids or some such, but a few of my friends ( who are all great parents and love their kids) have told me that they're jealous. It's only on the internet that I ever ancounter some anonymlous rando who wants to lecture all us child free folk about our bad decisions.
Mid 50s Hobby Jogger with wife and 2 adult age kids wrote:
My mother greatly appreciated having a loving husband and myself, her only child, to take care of her in her home with hospice care coming in once a day for about an hour. She went through two prior treatments for brain cancer over the prior 10 years and developed cancer elsewhere. Chemo would not have helped as her conditioned worsened daily and she died within 2 weeks of her first oncologist appointment. She did not want to go through chemo a 3rd time and did not want to go to a hospital again. She died after about 10 days of hospice care.
My father appreciated me living with him for 4 months last year to care for him. Unfortunately after 4 months his dementia worsened and he longer trusted me or anyone else to care for him. He thought he heard and saw strangers in the house and that they are stealing his money. He never wanted to go to any long term care facility but I could not care for him as he needed medications to keep him from becoming physical with even the staff. He died within 4 months of being put in long term memory unit care. He had been doing okay for years prior to this even though Parkinson's was slowly progressing.
I hate to think what happens to those who have no one to help them navigate the healthcare system when they are frail physically or mentally or both. I hate to think of what happens with those without the insurance and financial means to get the care they need.
I am not sure what I will want or do when I reach the point of greatly diminished quality of life. The last few weeks were terrible for my mother and I lost my father 4 months before he died due to the dementia and the effects of the medications used to prevent him from becoming verbally and physically aggressive with staff. Long term care facilities will have violent residents removed if behavior issues are not controlled with medication. Good luck finding a psychiatric hospital that will accept someone. One that I contacted was full and another would not accept him based on report from local hospital intensive care unit. Local hospital had to but him in an intensive care bed just so they could keep him controlled and safe and their staff safe. I had to get my father in psych hospital to get on meds before any memory care facility would accept him. He spent about a month in the only psychiatric hospital in the state that would accept him. He almost never swore before dementia and he was never physical with anyone before his dementia worsened. I was shocked when I saw my father after a month in the psych hospital. He was about 230 lbs 3 months before I moved in. He was 195 when I was staying with him. He was 180 or less after a month in the psych hospital. Looking at his legs and chest after death I would guess he weighed 140 to 150 lbs.
You better have a plan on what is going to be done to you once your quality of life worsens and you are no longer able to care for yourself. If you do not have a heathy and loving spouse or children then who will help you. Others may just walk out on you.
Similar experience with my mother a few months ago. Fortunately one of the few that would take her was near a few of her children. We were able to reduce her agitation for the 1 or 2 hours a day we were there. The residents who have no visitors have the worst experiences. Loneliness is the biggest killer.
Of course there's no guarantee my wife and kids will put me in a home and visit but at least I'm not alone to make the decisions you brought up.
dad of three. wrote:
Nothing, no experience or trip or expensive meal or beach vacation or party available to the childless couple couple can match the joy of love between a parent and their child.
I am sorry but its true. Sure childless couples can lead happy and meaningful lives, but they can never have this rich sense of deep commitment, love and sense of purpose that occurs between a parent and child. No amount of money can make up for that.
End of thread.
But if you have never had this experience, you don't know what you are missing. And...you have to have some inkling that this bond exists in order to want a child. If you didn't experience this bond growing up, then there is no motivation to have a kid. How do people not get this? you have to have and idea that having a child will be a deeply satisfying experience.
such a troll thread... even people who have horrible terrible kids (children that grow up to drug addicts and criminals), will not say they wish that person didn't exist.
and such an A-hole attitude to project on to other people you don't know at all.
I dont have kids, don't want kids, never really even considered having kids and do not even think about "not" having them.. when you have no desire for something you don't miss it.
Well, I’m in my 30s ( barely 😥) and my wife and I often regret having kids. Of course just as often it’s super fun and rewarding too. When I hit 50, the kids will both be in high school. Hopefully by then I’ll know if its worth it. Looking like they’ll both at least be somewhat good at track, so there’s that...
No I'm so glad as a conscious person I didn't bring a child into this toxic world.
No desire to have kids. I'm extraordinary, and that is my purpose in life.
As a general rule narcissists make terrible parents. Having a child means making someone else the center of your own life. Many people are incapable of this which is why we have so many complete scumbags loose in the world. It is FAR better for people to not have kids at all than to have them when they can't be bothered to raise them properly. Half the US is essentially feral as there are multiple generations of teenagers crapping out kids they don't want which are "raised" by their 45 year old single grandmothers. Everyone should be sterilized at birth and you should need a permit to have a kid.