lunatics agree wrote:
the Holy Quran and American conservatives agree - big no no. it is not haram, you'll burn in hell.
it is not "Halal" you mean? it IS Haram.
lunatics agree wrote:
the Holy Quran and American conservatives agree - big no no. it is not haram, you'll burn in hell.
it is not "Halal" you mean? it IS Haram.
Kiddo in collego wrote:
Do you guys believe in sex before marriage? Why or why not? Asking for a friend.
Sex makes women crazy and clingy. In other words, she will think that she likes you because she is having sex with you. Then after you get married, she'll realize that the only thing the two of you had in common was that you were having sex with each other. This will make her feel trapped and she'll leave you and take your money. Consider yourself forewarned.
If you are a single guy and like sex, then you need to get in touch with your feminine side, you know the side of you that cares about about "relationships", having things in common, and having a good "foundation". Do this so that you can end shallow sexual relationship on your terms, not hers and her lawyer's.
The-Truth wrote:
Kiddo in collego wrote:
Do you guys believe in sex before marriage? Why or why not? Asking for a friend.
Sex makes women crazy and clingy. In other words, she will think that she likes you because she is having sex with you. Then after you get married, she'll realize that the only thing the two of you had in common was that you were having sex with each other. This will make her feel trapped and she'll leave you and take your money. Consider yourself forewarned.
If you are a single guy and like sex, then you need to get in touch with your feminine side, you know the side of you that cares about about "relationships", having things in common, and having a good "foundation". Do this so that you can end shallow sexual relationship on your terms, not hers and her lawyer's.
Or alternatively...don't make the poor decision to promise monogamy to anyone, and ideally don't get married.
It serves no benefit. If you absolutely must get married, do so as an open marriage, and make DAM sure you get a pre-nup signed at least 6-12 months before the marriage, where a judge witnesses the signing and explains the terms of the prenup to her (still won't make you 100% safe, but gives you a decent chance when things go south).
The-Truth wrote:
Kiddo in collego wrote:
Do you guys believe in sex before marriage? Why or why not? Asking for a friend.
Sex makes women crazy and clingy. In other words, she will think that she likes you because she is having sex with you. Then after you get married, she'll realize that the only thing the two of you had in common was that you were having sex with each other. This will make her feel trapped and she'll leave you and take your money. Consider yourself forewarned.
Caveat: IF the sex is good. And if it is, she will actually like you, or rather, the way you make her feel...because you make her feel amazing.
I don't agree with the last part though. I think it's just inevitable that women get bored biologically with the same guy after around 3-5 years. See:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12049023-Main finding, female sexual desire begins to dive sharply at one year until at 4 years it drastically lower. Moreover, this is drastically slowed when couples do not live together...again, boredom.
In the vast majority of cases sex frequency goes way down and she is no longer sexually attracted to you, shuts down, and the marriage gradually goes downhill until she (82% of divorces are female initiated) pulls the plug and peaces out.
Need to see what's under the hood and take for a test drive. What if she's got a wang? ;-)
Sexual incompatibility is or could be a huge problem down the road.
I'm on the fence. Wouldn't want to be married to a frigid dead fish for the rest of my life.
LM wrote:
Caveat: IF the sex is good. And if it is, she will actually like you, or rather, the way you make her feel...because you make her feel amazing.
I don't agree with the last part though. I think it's just inevitable that women get bored biologically with the same guy after around 3-5 years.
-Main finding, female sexual desire begins to dive sharply at one year until at 4 years it drastically lower. Moreover, this is drastically slowed when couples do not live together...again, boredom.
In the vast majority of cases sex frequency goes way down and she is no longer sexually attracted to you, shuts down, and the marriage gradually goes downhill until she (82% of divorces are female initiated) pulls the plug and peaces out.
I think that you actually do agree with the last part.
If there is more to the relationship than simply amazing sex, then it can last.
My point was that women eventually realize the shallowness of a relationship based exclusively on sex and leave.
If you shun pre-marital sex, and wind up in a LTR, then you know that she likes you for other reasons besides sex. So there is a better chance that you have a true foundation. (Note: simply not having sex and being in an LTR does not guarantee this).
If you enjoy pre-marital sex, and think that you might want to get married, then you need to be attuned to what making your relationship work. If it is just the sex, then get out, or at least don't get married.
Angry Willy wrote:
Need to see what's under the hood and take for a test drive. What if she's got a wang? ;-)
Sexual incompatibility is or could be a huge problem down the road.
I'm on the fence. Wouldn't want to be married to a frigid dead fish for the rest of my life.
This is why getting married is a bad idea! You have minimal to no control over whether or not you will. Just because she is sexually vibrant in your first 2 year of dating doesn't mean she will be in 15. She probably won't be. Just ask the famous "PNSO Thread" on here about that one.
Promising monogamy is not smart.
More on your chances of that frigid, dead fish:
There is also the whole "she is going to get bored of you and stop having sex with you thing."
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12049023-Main finding, female sexual desire begins to dive sharply at one year until at 4 years it drastically lower. Moreover, this is drastically slowed when couples do not live together...again, boredom. I guess evolutionary psychology talk is banned so I won't go there, but there are obvious reasons for this if you understand evolution and think through this.
In women, there was a marked tendency for lack of sexual desire to increase with duration of partnership, but not in men (Table II).
With a longer duration of partnership, fewer respondents described themselves as "very satisfied with sex in the partnership" (Table II). This drop in sexual satisfaction was also revealed in two additional statements: "We have had passionate sex within the last week" and "Sex with my partner could not be better" (Table II).
The participants reported being generally satisfied with their relationships and sex lives, but women reported lower levels of desire depending on the length of their relationship. "Specifically, for each additional month women in this study were in a relationship with their partner, their sexual desire decreased by 0.02 on the Female Sexual Function Index,
In fact, relationship duration was a better predictor of sexual desire in women than both relationship and sexual satisfaction.
Then there are threads like these:
https://archive.is/XIHEtSame - he is a great guy, I am just not physically attracted to him anymore. It sucks.
Absolutely 100%. My husband is kind, sweet, funny. Not without his faults like all of us. But I have ZERO physical attraction to him. And it isn't a case of feeling it is the beginning and letting resentments and life change how I feel. I have never found him attractive. I thought I could be happy being with a man who was friendly, made me giggle and would never hurt me. I was wrong. He is a good man and father. I just don't want him.
Me. I have absolutely lost any interest in my SO sexually. He is a great person. He looks good. We get along well in every other way . The best I can figure it, there are 2 components: raising a family, paying bills and family stuff isn't sexy, it is draining. Logistics and chaos is always on my mind. To turn that off would require sedation. Its a total coc block. The other component is neediness, which results from the first component.
For me, the affair is an escape from my boring, day-in-day-out life. Unfortunately, my husband is part of that life. He's amazing. Fit, still attractive, great father, good communicator. I don't know what it is but I just don't feel alive with him anymore, and have no desire. It's sooo frustrating! Fvcking another man is a way for me to feel "alive," to feel passion and excitement away from all that. 99% of the time I feel like I'm suffocating. When I'm with someone else, or talking to someone else, I feel like I get to be a sexy, desirable woman.
My husband isn't perfect but i'm pretty lucky. He's a great guy, great father. Been married for 13 years. No sexual attraction to him at all even though he is handsome and fit. I don't think this can be fixed. I know I'm not LL, just no libido with him. Just gone. Don't know why. I almost wish he would have an affair.
This is a BIOLOGICAL thing. It's going to happen, to a varying degree, in the vast majority of cases!
The-Truth wrote:
LM wrote:
Caveat: IF the sex is good. And if it is, she will actually like you, or rather, the way you make her feel...because you make her feel amazing.
I don't agree with the last part though. I think it's just inevitable that women get bored biologically with the same guy after around 3-5 years.
-Main finding, female sexual desire begins to dive sharply at one year until at 4 years it drastically lower. Moreover, this is drastically slowed when couples do not live together...again, boredom.
In the vast majority of cases sex frequency goes way down and she is no longer sexually attracted to you, shuts down, and the marriage gradually goes downhill until she (82% of divorces are female initiated) pulls the plug and peaces out.
I think that you actually do agree with the last part.
If there is more to the relationship than simply amazing sex, then it can last.
My point was that women eventually realize the shallowness of a relationship based exclusively on sex and leave.
If you shun pre-marital sex, and wind up in a LTR, then you know that she likes you for other reasons besides sex. So there is a better chance that you have a true foundation. (Note: simply not having sex and being in an LTR does not guarantee this).
If you enjoy pre-marital sex, and think that you might want to get married, then you need to be attuned to what making your relationship work. If it is just the sex, then get out, or at least don't get married.
"If you enjoy pre-marital sex" - That's just about every guy and the vast majority of women :)
Yes, most women will leave a relationship based only on sex because they are generally looking for a longer term, more serious relationship. I agree there. And as you said I guess I agree to a point. But I also think women will stay for quite a while if the sex is good. I've had a few women, usually ones who were too far away for it to be worth it to bother with serious, that were explicitly FWB stay with me for several years. Usually they do leave for a serious relationship...and then oddly they usually come back again once that relationship ends as it almost always does.
And yes, I agree in general. If you want a serious LTR with someone, there clearly needs to be more to that relationship than some wild, bedroom shaking fun. You need the "foundation" and emotional connection that you speak of. This is also a chronic fault of guys in my opinion...they have a tendency to have sex with a girl, and then immediately feel the need to relationship her up (I guess to "lock her down") or something...even though 90% of the relationship has been sex focused.
How'd you vote? wrote:
Oh hey, guess what - water makes you wet. Idiots.
Not if you wear a raincoat.
LM are you ok bro? Got anything you wanna talk about? You seem very passionate about this issue.
joedirt wrote:
According to epidemiological studies, condoms are only about 30% effective in preventing the spread of HPV and herpes. HPV, herpes and even syphilis are spread by skin to skin contact, not by fluids, so if an individual has sores outside of the covered area (or if you are using bare hands, giving or receiving oral, etc. without a dental dam) then you are at high risk of transmission. Trusting a condom to prevent the spread of those diseases is like hitting in baseball, you're going to hit it about a third of the time, the rest of the time you're out.
Pretty true for HPV and Herpes.
However:
Herpes? Literally who cares. Large swath of population has it, causes cold sores. Wrap up, have fun, maybe get a cold sore on your mouth or dick once or twice a year for a few days if you get unlucky with the condom.
HPV? Generally not a big deal. Ridiculously prevalent. Between 80-100 million Americans (1 in 3). CDC basically suggest that just about everyone who has sex is going to eventually get this. I guess you could go full monk mode, make sure your wife is a virgin, and then only have sex with her once married. That's overkill for me for a low risk disease like HPV (yes, I realize in some cases it can cause cancer or warts. Those are rare.) but if you really don't want it then you can take the abstinence route and live the safe life.
well,, wrote:
sorry bro wrote:
When I was in my mid-20s I had already enjoyed regular sex for 10 years, and I have never caught any diseases. My wife was also very sexually experienced when we met. Who the hell wants to marry a virgin?
The chances of you not having HPV are non-existent.
Does it feel bad knowing that while I was banging hot chicks for 10 years, you were in your parent´s basement jerking off?[/quote]
This is actually making me think you did not.
Any male experienced in sex would know that they probably have HPV.
antelope3 wrote:
LM are you ok bro? Got anything you wanna talk about? You seem very passionate about this issue.
I'm generally passionate about willful ignorance. I'm also sitting here with all my studying in a good place at the moment and being lazy getting over a cold so I'm in LRC boredom post machine mode.
I think you get my point though. I think it's a bad idea to get married (it confers no benefits, with significant risks) in general, but if you get married with a good pre-nup then I have no idea what you're thinking especially in light of the stats.
I also think promising monogamy, and expecting monogamy, is a poor idea. Again, I see little justifiable reason for it, and most people can't make it work. But the societal programming is strong. Evidence by how universally people see getting into a long, committed relationship as such a powerfully important end goal. And by people "sticking it out" in marriages. If you're "sticking it out" that means your pretty unhappy. Lots of drama, probably lots of rules, constant compromise...and yet they stay there and be miserable or unhappy because "society says its not good to divorce".
sorry bro wrote:
well,, wrote:
The chances of you not having HPV are non-existent.
Does it feel bad knowing that while I was banging hot chicks for 10 years, you were in your parent´s basement jerking off?
Any human experienced in sex probably has HPV.[/quote]
Fixed yo
He might have had plenty of sex and just not realized that HPV isn't generally tested for or discovered until that person has a complication (warts, cancer). It's not generally tested for and frequently has no symptoms so he could just be a clueless sex machine with no idea bout HPV
LM, a lot of stuff you're saying makes perfect sense. However, my big questions is this: how do people in non-monogamous relationships not feel completely shattered about their husband or wife f.cking someone else's brains out? I just don't see how I could get over that. Even the thought of it makes my chest feel like an abyss and I'm currently single.
Is that feeling I get simply a function of society programming me to feel that way? If so, how do you delete that software and upload the software that bonobos all seem to have downloaded?
which hadith wrote:
lunatics agree wrote:
the Holy Quran and American conservatives agree - big no no. it is not haram, you'll burn in hell.
it is not "Halal" you mean? it IS Haram.
impressive. I think I mixed up these two terms. I hope Allah/God will forgive me.
Normal person wrote:
Holy crap I forgot a lot of runners come from the bible belt and still live 50 years in the past.
Just have sex and enjoy yourself jeez. Don't be an idiot and go in raw or do it with a bunch of people (also raw) and end up with a baby or an STI. It's not hard guys...
These dumb analogies about "saving yourself for marriage" or dumb theories about STI's not existing if everyone abstained are stupid.
If you wait you're gonna live in regret the rest of your life. Imagine marrying someone who is TERRIBLE in bed or doesn't like the same things you like??? Imagine living your entire life only having sex with ONE person????? You people are ridiculous.
You've distorted something good and natural and use it for your own devices. I grew up in LA, btw. Misuse of sex destroys lives. It's everywhere you look.
Yes, you were designed to have sex with just one person for the rest of your life. So sad that idea is unnerving to you. Sex is not a game. It is a gift given to marriage to enhance and connect you intimately with your life partner. You're not meant to be intimate with someone you break away from. Call me lame, but I don't leave any damage in my wake.
And it's 100% scientifically true that STD's and AIDS would never have existed if every person in history only ever had sex with the one person that also only ever had sex with them. Funny how misuse of this vital part of existence causes so much suffering - physical and emotional.
well,, wrote:
Who the hell wants to marry a virgin?
Another virgin.
I'm so happy I left catholic school. It's ridiculous being shamed and being forced to try to feel guilty over the stupidest things.
dumb question wrote:
well,, wrote:
Who the hell wants to marry a virgin?
Another virgin.
I have this virgin girl after me right now. Not sure what I am going to do. My wife doesn't know.