It's about respect, or rather the lack thereof, shown toward the son and SO by the mother.
In order to have had any real choice in the matter, the SO should have been offered a genuine opportunity to decide, which she was not.
The guy is in a tough spot--disrespected, his SO disrespected, yet still caring enough about his mom's feelings that there is even any question in his mind of what to do, and how to do it.
Take it easy wrote:... yet still caring enough about his mom's feelings that there is even any question in his mind of what to do, and how to do it.He cares so much for his mother that he calls her an idiot and whines about her like a petulant 6 year old.
Even a blind man can see what's going on here. Mom and GF are in cahoots. They are creating a situation where the OP is painted into a corner and willing pressured to propose.
Or, the OP is trolling. In that case, 9/10.
How old are you? Why do you care who your mom has in her family portrait? Your "live in girlfriend" obviously isn't family if you care more about your moms portrait than your own.
respect is earned not owed wrote:
Your lifestyle is a disgrace to your family. If you want your family to consider your girlfriend part of the family, marry her and stop living together in sin.
What is this sin you speak of?
The guy's mum is an idiot, it doesn't matter if he's been with his girlfriend for 8 months or married her at 19 years old.
She is the woman he is with and loves, to snub her is unbelievably childish and bitter. If my family had such an attitude I'd tell them to "fook off then, yer miserable sods".
OP, don't be pressurised to get married, do whatever the hell your heart and head tell you. I don't blame your girlfriend for being upset.
Take her out to somewhere nice to show her that you support her, love and appreciate her and leave your family to fester in their prehistoric ice cave of uptight mutual false pretence.
FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!
Blah Blah Blah Blah wrote:
You can have your girlfriend in the picture once you call her your wife. The fact that you are still calling her a girlfriend indicates you are lacking in commitment. BTW, my brother had a live-in SO for many years and he and everyone else called her his wife even though they weren't married.
That should work for his idiot mother.
letsrunning wrote:
Good for your wife. She should make her decision, and you should make yours, and you should understand each other. There's enough bullshxt in this world, make sure there is none between the two of you.
If this is directed toward the OP, I'd like to point out that he has a girlfriend, not a wife. Big difference.
They are lovers, they are together, makes no difference whether they choose to be married or not.
Spiteful, immature mother insults son's partner by excluding her from a family photo. How dare she, the gigantic cow.
I'd be shocked and well pissed off if me mum did that to my beautiful woman.
OP - You did the right thing. Boomer and Gen Xers never want to cut the apron strings.
You should have just told your mom your GF was pregnant. She would want her unborn grandchild in the picture even if it's not visible.
Months later when she found out you were lying, she would be mad but would also respect your social manipulation skills. All women do that kind of thing so she'd understand.
NOBODY HAZ AXED? wrote:
WHERE ARE DEM M'FCKING PICS?!
That's right. Pics or it didn't not happen.
letsrunning wrote:
I should also mention that my wife and I had a private wedding, with no "family" in attendance. I only told them about it years later, when they may have asked at some point. As far as we were concerned, it was none of their business.
One has to win one's independence, and often has to fight to maintain it.
Yea, independent by keeping secrets about being married!!! Real independent....so pathetic.
Your mom sees you as a loser for not marrying the girl yet and is taking it out on you and her this way. I see it as more of a shot against the moms son rather than the girlfriend. But hey perhaps she probably doesn't think too highly of a girl who fell for her loser son as well. Note: I don't think marriage is a must these days and praise high class people against it.
reality check .... wrote:
It's your mom's project, and she, not you, gets to decide whether your girlfriend is "family" for the purpose of the portrait.
The criterion that childrens' SOs have to be married or engaged to their children to be part of the "family" is valid in our culture, even if *you* think it's old fashioned and unreasonable. If she excluded your girlfriend because of race, nationality, or religion, it would be a completely different story.
And a marriage is not just a piece of paper, even if some treat it that way.
You don't have to like it, and you don't have to sit for the photo. Quit your whining.
This!!
You are missing the bigger picture, Your Mum is trying to tell you, "Get Married, my son"
so whats a family wrote:
My mom decided to have a formal family portrait done. We have not had one in about 15 years. She plans to include my siblings and their significant others (one sibling with a spouse and one who is engaged) but doesn't want my live in girlfriend included. I'm annoyed because my girlfriend is family even though we are not married. We have lived together for seven years!
My mom says she would be included if we were engaged. I'm thinking of calling mom back and telling her I'm not going if my girlfriend is not included.
I'm sure my dad doesn't care, but my mom is an idiot.
You mom is right. Some people just don't get it.
So you have no idea what the word 'covenant' means? Grow up and commit.
Why do you care? Why get anchored down by a photo.
Do a selfie with your girlfriend. Post it on facebook if it means that much to you.
You owe your mother respect. That means you respectfully decline to be in the photograph or to visit her until she apologizes to your girlfriend such that your girlfriend no longer feels like an outcast at family gatherings. You owe your girlfriend that much common decency. And you owe yourself the respect to live life by your own reasonable standards.