Anyone dated a girl with a borderline personality disorder?

No Way wrote:

To be clear, I wasn't excusing their behavior, or saying that we should accept it.

Your example of a pedophile is a good one. You wouldn't tempt a known pedophile by putting them in a room full of whatever kind of kids they like, would you? You'd be an a-hole for doing so. Likewise, this guy was an a-hole for trying to take advantage of this girl.

Dang, we got some real churchgoing turn-the-other-cheekers in here today. Again, I'm definitely guilty of being a total capital A-hole, and probably even specifically for taking undue advantage of a poor little innocent young lady or two (they always leave happy though and usually come back). But regarding THIS particular girl, I fail to see how inviting a filthy, stinking, vagrant, known and proven liar and sociopath into my personal home, feeding her, washing her dirty clothes, offering her a bed and bath, and giving her 200 dollars cash money as an aide toward lifting herself off the streets qualifies as "taking advantage" of her as soon as the thought of making sweet tender love to her enters my mind.

The pedophile justification makes no sense. This isn't a roomful of six year olds we're discussing. It is a grown woman in her middle 20's and a self-named sex fiend. Perfectly capable of making her own judgements and choices in the world.

It makes me laugh to think of "taking advantage" of this poor girl, who would on not infrequent enough occasions wake me up in the middle of the night quite literally gargling in her mouth various portions of my middle anatomy. If anyone was ever sexually taken advantage of during our association, it was me.

Often the most healthy aspect of these borderline personality types is their attitude toward sex.

I don't want to hijack this otherwise excellent and informative thread. I, too, feel less alone for having read the stories here. To the original poster, I advise forgetting therapy, forgetting the notion of fixing the girl, forgetting attempts at medicating your way around the problem. There is ample illustration in these pages of what happens when you hang around with these types. Don't be the guy who thinks he can crack the code where so many others got eaten alive. You're no different from us, and she's no different from them, and there is nothing waiting you down this road but a very ugly cliff. Get out and away and be thankful you were able early enough to allay whatever damage inevitably waits you just down the line. Do it as gracefully, delicately, tearfully, woefully, regretfully, or against-your-will-fully as you feel you must, but get out and do it now. Spend a month crying in the shower afterward if you need to, go out and horse-ball ten skanks per week if you need to, go off and join a monkery if you need to, go lock yourself in your house with a case of george dickel if you need to, whatever you require to cope with the aftermath of the split, but get the hell out and do it soon. There is no percentage in waiting and no chance at rescue, and in spite of the opinion of a few of these it's-not-her-fault folks in here, sticking it out doesn't make you a hero or earn you points in anyone's eyes. It only makes you a wanton chump and you will get burned to the absolute roots for it.

But hey, horse to water, right?

crazy horce wrote:

The pedophile justification makes no sense. This isn't a roomful of six year olds we're discussing. It is a grown woman in her middle 20's and a self-named sex fiend. Perfectly capable of making her own judgements and choices in the world.

By definition, a fiend isn't making sound decisions, but hey whatever helps you sleep at night.

I had a reoccurring fling with a gal who most likely would be classified as a amorous/elitist narcissist.

Grab ahold of the mattress and pray for survival sums it up.

“Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine…” again and again and again

No Way wrote:

By definition, a fiend isn't making sound decisions, but hey whatever helps you sleep at night.

by which definition? there's a few of them.

crazy horce wrote:

Hate to Say It Butt wrote:

No, you are in fact an a-hole for EXACTLY the reasons that I spelled out.

And just in case you are serious with your childish naivety I can assure you that I have far more experience in romantic relationships and even in romantic relationships with the seriously mentally ill than you will ever have the misfortune to experience, witness or even imagine.

Is that you Victoria? How you been, kid? Like I said, the 200 was a gift, I still don't need it back.

Nice argument. I mean, when you consider that your IQ appears to be that of a retarded earthworm I'd say you did well to put forth a completely vacuous statement.

Good job!

heryago34 wrote:

LAUGHING OUT LOUD. That was great.

crazy horce wrote:

Is that you Victoria? How you been, kid? Like I said, the 200 was a gift, I still don't need it back.

That figures. For one with an even lower IQ (hard to believe that it could be but you've provided the evidence right there).

Hooray for the near zero IQ brigade!

gil-more wrote:

Hate to Say It Butt wrote:

I have far more experience ... in romantic relationships with the seriously mentally ill than you will ever... blah blah blah

dude wtf? seriously mentally ill? relationshipSSSS plural? you're dating multiple retards or what? it almost sounds like you're bragging on it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3LAnmnS0-9g

Wow, do you folks all live in the same frat or something.

Here is a clue for you - the topic is relationships with mentally ill people. The use of the plural is in reference to the topic not in reference to the number of relationships one has been involved in.

On second thought, are you guys even past high school yet? Scary thought.

You are clearly demonstrating who the a-hole is here.

Just thought you should know.

All the comments about borderline personality disorder seem right on the mark.

But I have a question. Why is it you never hear about males with borderline personality disorder?

Get. Out. Now.

I didn't learn about BPD until medical school but the signs/symptoms exactly described my toxic relationship of 2+ years. Even worse is that BPD is a mal-adaptive response to your environment. This means that if a woman with BPD has a daughter, the daughter can very likely learn these same traits and be BPD themselves. This isn't genetic but learned behavior.

People with BPD are amazing when they are on good behavior, but the absolute devil when they're not. They cause ruin wherever they go and specialize in turning people against one another. Everything is an extreme and it's largely routed in horrible self-confidence and an inability to cope with stress. When they do cope, it's with ridiculous extremes like sex and violence - they just cannot handle themselves.

Get away. Get as far away as you can.

What you need to understand is that it's not a chemical disorder like bipolar that can be treated, it's a PERSONALITY disorder that describes how they deal with the world. In that sense there's almost no treatment for it and it's one of the least treatable psychiatric disorders ever known.

Here is the criteria:

http://mentalhealthkitten.tumblr.com/post/86623839716/dsm-5-diagnostic-criteria-for-borderline-personality

A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment (Note: do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in criterion 5)

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

3. Identity disturbance: marked and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). (Note: do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in criterion 5)

5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior.

6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness.

8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

I should also mention that I had patients with BPD while I was on the psychiatry wards and they are actually the most hated type of patients by people in the mental health field. The reason for this is because they try and turn the health staff against one another and wrap everyone up in a web of lies and deceit.

I remember certain residents would beg to not be put on BPD cases because they actually dislike them at a core level. It's hard to view them as a medical patient because this is who they are. It's not treatable any more than psychopathy is.

I should also point out that I've never met a BPD from a stable home environment. That's the key - they never learned proper coping mechanisms in childhood and react in such extreme ways as a teenager and as an adult. In my personal life my ex-GF had warning signs of BPD but had fully developed it by about half-way through. Her mother had BPD + Bipolar and her grandmother had BPD + Bipolar. Her greatest fear is that she would become the third in line and she would cry thinking about it.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and what a rotten apple it is.

Field Good wrote:

BPDs are masters of manipulation - and yes, will merely manipulate the therapist. Most BPDs are highly intelligent and have a lifetime of experience in manipulating people for their own benefit. And, very few WANT help, as they fail to see they have problem. I even contacted my BPD GF's family for an intervention - but none of them wanted do it, as they feared that she would disown them and they would never see her son again. Bottom line is that YOU need to get over the "heal the wounded bird syndrome" - you can't fix her. Check out this website - its one of the best I've found for people who are or who have been in relationships with BDS. Read the articles in the BPD section of the website.

http://www.sharischreiber.com/articles.html

Good Luck.

I can't agree with you more. I too approached my ex-wifes parents for assistance and empathy while the craziness was going down. They are AFRAID of their daughter. Get that ? She is so explosive, her own parents are afraid of her.

And also totally agree on the manipulation. She is phenomenally bright. No doubt (it was one of the things that attracted me to her - that and her amazing rack and uninhibited nature in the sack :-)). But also, she lacks empathy. Utterly. Everything was my fault. She cannot see the world through the eyes of anyone else. She's just not wired for it.

Also, her ego is the size of the cosmos. The contempt she showed for my attorney was amazing. I would love reading the letters my attorney (also a woman of the same age as my ex) would send her pointing out the multitude of legal errors in her correspondence. Must have driven her egomaniacal mind crazy.

Thank God that's all in the past. Not once have I considered contacting her again for any reason whatsoever. I even overpaid tax this year rather than contact her regarding our joint tax liability for 2012.

Crazy, you are kind of a dick, but man, I love reading your schtick.......

Hate to Say It Butt wrote:

crazy horce wrote:

Is that you Victoria? How you been, kid? Like I said, the 200 was a gift, I still don't need it back.

Nice argument. I mean, when you consider that your IQ appears to be that of a retarded earthworm I'd say you did well to put forth a completely vacuous statement.

Good job!

Nah, you just don't get the joke.

I thought it was pretty funny !

crazy horce wrote:

No Way wrote:

By definition, a fiend isn't making sound decisions, but hey whatever helps you sleep at night.

by which definition? there's a few of them.

http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/fiend

A fiend, as you used the word, is an addict. I know it doesn't matter what I say, because you feel no remorse, and that's fine, to each there own.

Since you like dictionaries:

Subway runner wrote:

Subway, you seem quite clued up in this field. Always wondered; what's the difference between sociopathy and psycopathy ?

In my experience, people tend to use them interchangeably.

Field Good wrote:

Let's be clear here. Almost all mental health professionals agree that BPD is not a mental illness. Bi-Polar Disorder, for example, is a mental illness. But BPDs are not classified as "mentally ill". BPD is an emotional development disorder, and is not the same as a mental illness.

First, I think I'll need a citation. I think this is an increasingly outdated viewpoint. This is what the National Institute of Mental Health says, front and center:

"Borderline personality disorder is a serious mental illness marked by unstable moods, behavior, and relationships."

It may also be relevant to note that the DSM-5 gets rid of Axis II and puts the personality disorders in with everything else. "Given that there is no fundamental difference between disorders described on DSM-IV’s Axis I and Axis II, DSM-5 has shifted to a single axis system." APA Personality Disorders Fact Sheet

Second, even if you're right, I think you're nitpicking in a way not relevant to the discussion. Whether or not we call it "mental illness," people with BPD are seriously "messed up" in a way that is largely beyond their immediate control.

Completely not true that BPD is not treatable. Difficult to treat, largely due to patient resistance and problems with the psychologist/patient relationship, but can be successfully treated. DBT has been shown to provide results. Also, I know of no basis to believe that it's learned behavior. Finally, BPD is not "who they are" as can be seen by the fact that a majority of people with BPD achieve much greater stability as they get older. I think over 40 is the commonly thrown out age.

Of course, none of this has anything to do with whether the OP should stay with his girlfriend. The woman might not even have BPD.

Hate to Say It Butt wrote:

Wow, do you folks all live in the same frat or something.

Here is a clue for you - the topic is relationships with mentally ill people. The use of the plural is in reference to the topic not in reference to the number of relationships one has been involved in.

On second thought, are you guys even past high school yet? Scary thought.

bro, chill out bro. when I hear 'seriously mentally ill' I think someone buckled into a padded wheelchair drooling on themselves while they stare at the sun. and I'm just wondering why (and how?) you get in a romantic relationship with one of those people. and then why, by your use of the plural, one apparently just wasn't enough.

you did call it though, I'm still in high school. but it's a gifted high school. the good gifted, I mean. not the gifted you're into.

If this is true, you need to run away ASAP and start documenting any behavior most people would consider out of the ordinary because I'm afraid things could get very bad for you.