We have a town drunk that is also a magician. He walks down the street and turns into a bar,
We have a town drunk that is also a magician. He walks down the street and turns into a bar,
The Official Winners wrote:
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
This one made me laugh out loud.
Canada here wrote:
After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
The guy from Corona sits down and says, “Hey Señor, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.”
The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, “I’d like the best beer in the world, give me ‘The King of Beers,’ a Budweiser.”
The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, “I’d like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors.” He gets it.
The guy from Molson sits down and says, “Give me a Canadian.”
The bartender gives him one as well
Alexander Keith comes in and orders a pepsi
The bartender is a little take back but gives him what he ordered
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, “Why aren’t you drinking your own beer?"
Alexander Keith replies, “Well, I figured if you guys aren’t drinking beer, neither would I.”
FIXED
A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I have a drink named after you". The grasshopper, in a bit of a surprised, replies in a high pitched voice, "Really? You have a drink named 'Steve'?"
Clown wrote:
Johnny AND THE CLOWN
"F__K YOU, CLOWN!"
We have a friend in common.
Joke PD wrote:
Not funny. Mexicans swim across the Rio Grande, not the ocean.
Often they just wade across it...it is pretty low most of the time.
With all due respect, none of you have provided the best joke yet. That's because THIS is it:
Two guys are walking down the street when they happen upon a dog licking himself.
Guy 1 - "Man, I wish I could do that!"
Guy 2 - "Maybe you should pet him first."
Q: What's the difference between a "ninja" and a pizza?
A: a pizza can feed a family of 4
Q: How do you stop a "ninja" from drowning?
A: Take your foot off his head.
Q: What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
A: Christopher Walken
Q: Why did the blonde have sex with a Mexican?
A: Her teacher told her to do an essay
Q: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
A: Nothing, I already told her twice
Funny one wrote:
You're face
'You are face'? What on earth are you talking about?
Did you hear the one about the race between the brown sauce and the red sauce? He couldnt ketchup.
An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman walked into a bar. The barman says 'Is this some kind of joke'?
Funny one wrote:
You're face
Apostrophe Crime's wrote:
'You are face'? What on earth are you talking about?
Perhaps he's talking about this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9BUfSSxyAsQ: Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?
A: He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.
////????//// wrote:
Canada here wrote:After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
The guy from Corona sits down and says, “Hey Señor, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.”
The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, “I’d like the best beer in the world, give me ‘The King of Beers,’ a Budweiser.”
The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, “I’d like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors.” He gets it.
The guy from Molson sits down and says, “Give me a Canadian.”
The bartender gives him one as well
Alexander Keith comes in and orders a pepsi
The bartender is a little take back but gives him what he ordered
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, “Why aren’t you drinking your own beer?"
Alexander Keith replies, “Well, I figured if you guys aren’t drinking beer, neither would I.”
FIXED
AK is owned by AB-InBev, so your joke sucks.
A man is sitting on a physician's table waiting for his annual check-up. The doctor walks in, looks at the man, looks down at his chart, and looks back at the man with a grave look on his face. The doctor says to the man, "Sir, I'm afraid you're going to have to quit masturbating."
The man looks at the doctor and asks, "Why?! Are there significant health risks? Am I going to go blind?!"
The doctor responds, "No... I need to examine you."
A masochist and sadist are sitting in a room. The masochist says: "Beat me, beat me, please!!!!" The sadist looks at him and says, "Nope!"
Apostrophe Crime's wrote:
Funny one wrote:You're face
'You are face'? What on earth are you talking about?
Your an idiot
What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?
.... I'll leave it to you to complete the joke. Grok got it first try.
It took you a while to figure that joke out, lol
This was posted 12 years ago but here is the shorter version:
Do you know why turds are tapered?
So your as*hole doesn't slam shut.
Do you know why women fake orgasms?
Because they think we care.
Us old guys can be juvenile too.
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