Once again, thank you everyone for your advice. I will try your new advice, "How about this". You guys are right, I can't let him boss me around like this even if it will affect our relationship. Frankly, I don't want him anywhere near my family if he is going to be like this. I just hope my wife understands. I'll let you guys know what happens tomorrow. I just invited him over for breakfast while my wife is gone.
Trust Me wrote:
Tell him to go fcuk himself. That it is your child and if anyone holds him/her first it should be your wife, followed by you. Tell the pr*ck the next time you impregnate his little girl you will consider it. Tell him doggie is your favorite position and that she likes it up the a*s.
hahahahahahaha, laughing out loud in the library!
As a matter of fact, I was in a fantastic mood when I was hustled into the operating room and all I did was to stand up to take a look at what they were doing. The doctor, Susan Rothenburg, was out of her f***ing mind. It is the norm to allow the man to watch nowadays, and in fact, way back in the day her father watched her being delivered AT West Point! It was a power game on the doctor's part; otherwise, she would have given a reason. For me to ask the anaesthesiologist about the vitals when they were plummeting was me doing my job and she should have been paying more attention to them. A machine had to tell her to adjust the anaesthetic. Don't go to Beth Israel in NYC, that's all I can tell you.
+2 Your father-in-law shouldn't even be in the room. If you were man enough to get her pregnant, don't be a pu**y now.
Trust Me wrote:
Tell him to go fcuk himself. That it is your child and if anyone holds him/her first it should be your wife, followed by you. Tell the pr*ck the next time you impregnate his little girl you will consider it. Tell him doggie is your favorite position and that she likes it up the a*s.
Eric Cartman myah, just to point out one thing I see gooin on.Jefe is a stinky hippie!
Jefe in the CO wrote:
I'm shocked and appalled that no one on LRC has given this advice; have a home birth supported by Mid wives and get the hospital and doctors out of the equation.
Giving birth is not an illness so having a baby in a hospital is a lousy idea and pretty much assures you of a cascading affect of interventions. Empower your wife with a birth story that will be the coronation of her womanhood rather than allowing her to be preyed upon by a bunch of medical professionals whose only goal is to make money and limit liability.
Also, there would be nothing your SOB FIL could do about it.
yetanotherchick wrote:
OP, while I empathize with your desire to have some time with your own baby before other relatives are there, I think that your wife should get to be the one who determines who is and isn't in the room when she gives birth. She probably won't want him there or want a lot of people with her at all, and when it comes to in-laws, the person whose family it is should be the one laying down the rules. It's shouldn't be an unduly stressful decision for her if you focus the conversation around what she wants instead of using it to complain about her father. I assume that you'd have told us if she came from a family where everyone went to the doctor in the same room together all the time.
Secondly, have your wife enlist the female nurses to keep your FIL out if that's what she wants. It'll mean more coming from her than from you, and believe me, if your FIL is a jerk at the hospital who thinks he can tell everyone else what to do, the nurses know it and resent it and would love to put him in his place. It's not un-manly to refuse to get anyone else's help, it's un-manly to waste your time while your wife is giving birth arguing with your FIL about whether he can come in or not.
Excellent advice from this woman ^^. As someone who has been through two births with my wife, I'll second the idea that you get the plan together with your wife. Let her decide who is in the room. I cannot imagine she would want him in there watching as it all goes down. And make sure that you've got that plan, and talk it over with the doctor beforehand. You make sure the plans are taken care of so that she doesn't have to. You'll be her hero for taking care of all those stressful details and letting her just be. Also, when your baby comes out and they clean it and clamp the cord, the doctor WILL look right at you and ask if you want to cut the cord. Even if your seriously messed up FIL gets in the room, which I doubt will happen, the doctor will not ask him, the doctor will ask you and only you. If you say no thanks, then the doctor quickly cuts it and moves on. If it is in your wife's plan to breast feed, then that baby will be on top of her in a matter of about 60 seconds after birth, then covered with a blanket. You'll be right by her side wide-eyed and amazed. No one else will even exist at that point. You'll just be staring at that little face laying on your wife. Next thing you know, either you will be prompted to help wrap up the child or the child will be taken to the neonatal care table to finish cleaning, aspirating if necessary, and getting wrapped up and warm. Then the doctor or nurse will hand that baby to you. By this moment during my first child's birth, my wife had delivered the after birth (do not watch that please for all that is holy do not watch that part) and was covered, so my parents and her mom were in the room. Once the doctor was finished with my daughter, she was handed directly to me. No one else was even considered at all. It was if, despite there being something like 15 people in the room, the doctor could only see me and my wife in the room.
this is a troll.. at first it was slightly amusing but he is now making some sad attempts to keep sucking people in
Actually, you could probably never tell on the outside that I’m a stinking hippie, it’s not like I’m walking around in Birkenstocks reeking of Patchouli. But yes, I suppose, by today's standard, I would be considered a modern day stinking hippie.
To yetanotherchick; why do you find my post creepy? Also, you didn’t find the other posts that suggest the OP tell his FIL what their favorite sexual position is...creepy? I may be liberal minded but certainly not that much of a hippie.
I am giving this thread an 8/10. will increase to 9/10 if he can get 100 posts.
as in my case, the doctor will not necessarily offer you the shot at cutting the cord. but in most cases they will hand the baby to the mother right after cleaning it up.
Jefe in the CO wrote:
To yetanotherchick; why do you find my post creepy? Also, you didn’t find the other posts that suggest the OP tell his FIL what their favorite sexual position is...creepy? I may be liberal minded but certainly not that much of a hippie.
The doggy style stuff was people joking around... implying that giving birth in a bathtub is going to be the "coronation of [his wife's] womanhood" is terribly presumptuous, and suggesting that the husband can "empower" his wife by telling her that she should have a homebirth is even worse. You know what's not empowering? Men telling women where and how they should give birth.
I'll help you out, you can rephrase what you said as "have you and your wife considered having a home birth?" but give me a break with the womanhood bullshit, really.
Jefe in the CO wrote:
I'm shocked and appalled that no one on LRC has given this advice; have a home birth supported by Mid wives and get the hospital and doctors out of the equation.
Giving birth is not an illness so having a baby in a hospital is a lousy idea and pretty much assures you of a cascading affect of interventions. Empower your wife with a birth story that will be the coronation of her womanhood rather than allowing her to be preyed upon by a bunch of medical professionals whose only goal is to make money and limit liability.
Also, there would be nothing your SOB FIL could do about it.
I am sure all those dead children who had minor complications that a hospital is more than capable of dealing with but a house wife is not are really thrilled that their non-mommy was empowered by their premature death...
-A Mother who would not be a mother if she had her child with a mid-wife.
Wow, project your insecurities much? My "coronation" comment is my tongue-in-cheek description of my wife's and all her friends' take on their home birth experiences. I was merely a supportive husband to her desires to have homebirths. That meant a lot of blocking and tackling to keep the hospitals, chicks like you and the other poster decrying all the dead babies as far away from her as possible.In my limited view point, our home birth experiences were so much more than “giving birth in a bathtub.” You sound like a male Obstetrician waiting impatiently for the “silly Mom to be” to hurry up with her “natural birth plan” so he can get on with the major abdominal surgery.I’ll try not to be too presumptuous here but am I to infer that your indignation is because you’re fighting for every woman’s’ right to schedule her c-section? This is a shame because my wife and all her other Home Birthian compatriots were incredibly empowered by their experiences…to the point that they just laugh when I break out the “Coronation Card”. It will never be something that I can truly understand but it is definitely something that I can sense.
yetanotherchick wrote:
The doggy style stuff was people joking around... implying that giving birth in a bathtub is going to be the "coronation of [his wife's] womanhood" is terribly presumptuous, and suggesting that the husband can "empower" his wife by telling her that she should have a homebirth is even worse. You know what's not empowering? Men telling women where and how they should give birth.
I'll help you out, you can rephrase what you said as "have you and your wife considered having a home birth?" but give me a break with the womanhood bullshit, really.
Maybe he was the father? This is more common than you think. Until paternity is decided maybe you two can share the right of first hold.
Hopefully you the tests will show that you are the father.
Yes congratulations! That was a very good troll. (Although you did lose it when you went overboard with the golf course confrontation)There were two reasos why your troll was good. (1) The young dad and overbearing dominat father inlaw resonated with many. (2) You expressed an honest fear. My guess is that you are in a relationship, maybe even married, and your having some interest/fun daydreaming about how intrusive your father inlaw could be.In real life your wife's reaction would have been part of the story. Overall good job!
not who you think wrote:
Once again, thank you everyone for your advice. I will try your new advice, "How about this". You guys are right, I can't let him boss me around like this even if it will affect our relationship. Frankly, I don't want him anywhere near my family if he is going to be like this. I just hope my wife understands. I'll let you guys know what happens tomorrow. I just invited him over for breakfast while my wife is gone.
The first few reply's assumed it was the dad. I thought it was the mother posting! ha
Conundrum wrote:
Yes congratulations! That was a very good troll. (Although you did lose it when you went overboard with the golf course confrontation)
Yep, definite troll, especially after the golf course story. Think about it. How did the initial conversation go? The FIL just says he wants to be the first to hold the baby and the OP said nothing? The daughter said nothing? They all have to consult letsrun first I guess.
There is a pretty simple method to avoid having your father hold your newborn first. Just don't call him until the baby is delivered. Its not like he knows the exact minute when the baby will pop out so this would give you and your wife time to enjoy the moment. Even if he does have connections with other doctors by the time the news get to him it will probably be too late. I would also talk to your doctor at the hospital too and tell him the situation and what you want done around the time you expect the baby. If you FIL has any respect for your wife/his daughter he will let her and you hold your baby first. For a father to take this one time moment away from his daughter is wrong. Not to mention its your sperm that went to her egg, not his(as gross as that sounds). Also talk to your wife about the situation and plans/ideas, she does have a say in this too.
not who you think wrote:
So, today I went golfing with my FIL, and I took a poster's advice and told my FIL that I would find it very uncomfortable if he were in the operating room with my wife and I and that I would let him be the third person to hold my son after my wife and I.
I can't believe how he responded to this. He told me he is a very prestigious and well-known doctor around this area (he is) and that he WILL be in the operating room when my son is born, and he will be the first to hold him. He then told me that it's nothing personal, and that it has been a wish of his ever since my wife was born. I then told him that it is not fair to take that away from me and that he already experienced holding his newborn. He then rebutted by saying that he has done a lot for me and my wife and that the least I could do is let him hold my son, and that either way, he will talk to the doctor to make "arrangements".
After this, I just left the golf course and drove off. Not once in my life have I asked him for anything, and he has only offered to give us things. I am really upset about this and I really don't want to get my wife involved, as it would only make her more stressed. I honestly don't know what to do next. I'm thinking of just letting this go and letting him hold my son. Thanks for listening, Letsrun.
good one retard..
not who you think wrote:
Once again, thank you everyone for your advice. I will try your new advice, "How about this". You guys are right, I can't let him boss me around like this even if it will affect our relationship. Frankly, I don't want him anywhere near my family if he is going to be like this. I just hope my wife understands. I'll let you guys know what happens tomorrow. I just invited him over for breakfast while my wife is gone.
Bump