Have You Ever Dated Your Best Friend?

She wrote me a note today saying she is fine with giving me time and space but is ready for me to want to hang out again because she really misses me. She obviously doesn't get that we won't be hanging out again. Should I just tell her to leave me alone?

man that sounds like a girl who doesnt get it. it might sound cruel to stand your ground but in the long run it will be better for the two of you. who knows she might even come around to the idea of being with you after getting jerked around with other guys...but this is a path that only time will tell if it will play out. in the meantime you should continue dating other women and knowing what its really like to being in a real relationship.

AuroraXCgurl wrote:

Here's the thing, I really *do* like him. As more than a friend, but I'm afraid he'll get scared. Lame, I know.

Uh, so what exactly is your alternative? Keep on "liking" him but never make a move, just waiting indefinitely until one of you falls into something else? Great plan. It's passive agressive chick romance logic like that which has mindfu**ed many an honest man.

And now I must sleep.

I thought guys get turned off by aggressive girls who come on too fast. Or, at least I think this one might. I can't see a lot of options here. 1) Act on it, tell him, he blows me off and I lose a friend OR 2) Wait around for him to call or make the first move, thereby wasting my own time. Am I wrong in thinking guys prefer to be the one to do the initiating?

AuroraXCgurl wrote:

I thought guys get turned off by aggressive girls who come on too fast. Or, at least I think this one might. I can't see a lot of options here. 1) Act on it, tell him, he blows me off and I lose a friend OR 2) Wait around for him to call or make the first move, thereby wasting my own time. Am I wrong in thinking guys prefer to be the one to do the initiating?

If you're really attractive (in all senses of the word), then he might not be making a move because he's scared. If you're not, then he could be holding back because he's not interested.

AuroraXCgurl wrote:

I thought guys get turned off by aggressive girls who come on too fast. Or, at least I think this one might. I can't see a lot of options here. 1) Act on it, tell him, he blows me off and I lose a friend OR 2) Wait around for him to call or make the first move, thereby wasting my own time. Am I wrong in thinking guys prefer to be the one to do the initiating?

Some guys are turned off by aggressive women but there are lots of ways to indicate interest and escalate from friendship to dating without coming across as overly aggressive. It doesn't have to be "a talk" either. Since you are interested, you need to take a shot at making it happen. He may just be clueless, or scared, no way to tell.

THanks for the legit advice. I'm trying to figure this out. We're both runners and he's pretty cool. It's just that I joke around so much it's probably going to seem out of character if I get serious all of a sudden. It would really hurt if he laughed in my face because he thinks I',m teasing or something. Plus, I don't want to lose a running buddy in the process

needsomehelp wrote:

She wrote me a note today saying she is fine with giving me time and space but is ready for me to want to hang out again because she really misses me. She obviously doesn't get that we won't be hanging out again. Should I just tell her to leave me alone?

Or should I just continue to distance myself from her? I really need to get over this girl and I don't want her to get my hopes up in any way at all.

man i feel for you bro, this is the other thing about dating a best friend....when she wants to keep her cake and eat it too. i guess i try my best to keep things civil but distant if you see her, but also try my best to keep a distance till things settle down. or you could try bringing a date along to really hammer the message home to her....

TO wrote:

So I had to screen my actions and seem like the pursuer, and I can pinpoint the week that her thinking of me changed. Now we've been dating for some time, wonderful relationship, but I know it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't tried to manipulate the situation, check my instincts, etc. It seems a shame to me though that two compatible people depend so much on circumstance to end up together.

Just my two cents.

Can you give specifics on how you did this? How you changed your behavior and the situation to make her see you differently? I find this very interesting. Thanks!

to OP: Do you want to give her a chance to change her mind or think a bit more about the possibility of dating you? Perhaps she had not really thought about it as much as you had when you had your "ultimatum" conversation. While I agree you should stand your ground on just being friends, do you really want to try to date her or are you already done? I would act like yourself and be friendly with her, but I would reiterate your desire to be more than friends. She may just need a little time to change her thinking of you as a friend to as a potential boyfriend. Being friendly and confident may change her mind but being distant and pouting will ensure she does not want to date you.

I dated my best friend from grad school, thought we had so much in common. Well we did have a lot in common and liked the same things, liked spending time together, etc. We spent 4 good years together before we mutually agreed to break up when it became clear we had different ideas about the future. To make a long story short, I totally lost my best friend. I was glad to not be dating him any more and felt good about moving on from him as a boyfriend, but I felt as if my best friend died when we broke up. It's true there is no being friends after you break up. I think we spent the last couple years staying together because we each did not want to lose our best friend. I was profoundly sad that he was not in my life anymore. We have had a couple awkward lunches since then and sometimes we fall into a sense of comfortable conversation, but on the large part we have spoken only a few times in the last few years. I have moved on and am totally in love with a great man now, but I guess I regret that I don't really know my "best friend" anymore and probably never will again.