My bf away in college sounds so different just after a week

Ask him if he wants to do phone sex.

Or get a webcam and send one to him so you two can see each other more often.....including being naked....woohooo.

Yea, feeling down, you are in a tough spot here. Gimmicks and games might be effective, but I don't know if I would want to base a serious relationship on little white lies and tactics. Examples would be telling him you want to date other people, not calling him, "giving him his space", those kind of things.

However, your BF probably really likes you and will probably regret what he's doing (I think he's probably cheating or thinking about cheating on you, sorry). So maybe the games are worth it, anything to sort of keep the bridge functional until the convoy gets over it.

Another side of this is my suspicion that this guy does not see himself fathering your children, even though he may be a great guy. It sounds like you're outdoing him in the "long term commitment" arena. It's hard because your friends and your moms love him, but he just might not be into the relationship enough.

Lastly, this might be a very painful experience for you. But you should know that I respect you alot for your feelings for this guy. You are not the reason he is acting this way, he is the reason. You are not inadequate. It's just that he is in a different mindset than you are. You're thinking about settling down and spending your life with him. He loves you alot but he's not ready for that, he's still writing new chapters. He is probably thinking "man, this relationship is really serious all of a sudden" and he's not ready for it.

This relationship is about to cause you a lot, lot, lot of stress and pain, in my opinion. I think, however, that you are a really sweet, genuine girl with a lot of upside, so you should know this: you will find another guy if this one doesn't work out. You have time, and it will most definitely happen. Timing is everything, and in this case it just might be that the timing is off.

Good luck and thanks for sharing.

feeling down wrote:

Thanks a lot to each of you.

I really appreciate the feedback and comments. Gives me some distance and makes me see better what's happening. I agree that I shouldn't be calling and nagging (I don't think I nag him, but I guess nobody ever thinks (s)he does that).

I am going to try to get as busy as possible (running, work, friends) so that I don't think too much about all this. I used to be pretty strong and independent, but right now it's hard. I guess I have to get used to it.

Thanks again. Thanks a lot.

If it makes you feel better, I can try togive you some insight.

My wife and I both moved back to the midwest recently (after hating life in New England). We both kept our jobs, and telecommuted out of the house. We were sort of on top of eachother, which caused some tension, but we managed it okay.

She decided she wanted to go back to school to get her MFA, which I told her I was fine with. She was accepted into her top school, so we moved, bought a house, and she started a couple of weeks ago.

I continue to telecommute, and maintain the same hours I did before. She now operates with a very different schedule, is either on campus or home doing school stuff 85% of the time, at least. She's been very busy, learning how to teach class, adjusting back to being a student, and meeting lots of new people.

She HAS met lots of new people, and had many opportunities to be social. She's gone out for drinks a couple of times, and gone to a few other department-sponsored events.

Now, since I've been home, and see her when she's here, I don't feel lonely. In fact, I've enjoyed the time to myself, which is something I didn't have when she was here 100% of the time.

Seeing as you're doing the long-distance thing AND he's just started grad school, I imagine the distance feels doubly-long. My advice is to give it some time, see if things improve, and continue to give the status quo, if you feel so inclined. You can always mention your feelings to your BF, and gauge his response.

Having done the distance thing myself, I don't have many good things to say about it. It really only works if both people put an effort in, and it sounds like that's not the case with you lately. Remember that you can't give more as he gives less--it'll leave you empty and the relationship will fizzle. Keep that in mind going forward.

To the original poster:

Are you a man?

so what is the outcome did u talk to him?

I hope that he is TAing a class as we speak. If he is, then he is definitely getting teh sex from Kappa Kappa Gammas.

at this age, it's all a game.

gotta keep hand.

men are simple creatures.

He misses his mummy

If you are going to go all slutty now because he's gone can you post some pictures and your location?

Hey Marie, how are you?

Hope everything is going well for you.

Ethio-Man wrote:

Hey Marie, how are you?

Hope everything is going well for you.

Ethio-man is so going for the creepy "I'm here just as a friend while you're having a hard time with your boyfriend" position.

Although I'd don't feel like that works in cyberspace.

Hello Ethio-Man!

Still up and browsing letsrun, but not too late because I'm getting up early for a run tomorrow (two runs, am and pm).

I wanted to give you all an update, after your support and suggestions. Thanks guys!

After much thinking I've decided not to play any "games." I don't think I can anyway and I don't want to. I'd rather be honest. I love my boyfriend, even though he is a little cold and unavailable for me right now. I'll wait for things to get better. He has many things to do and I don't want to be selfish and get him worried about me. I think, on the contrary, that now is the time for me to be supportive.

Like "mander" suggested (thanks!), I've tried to establish some rules...so we've decided to call each other once a week, every Sunday. I know it doesn't seem like a lot (then again, my bf hates the phone and chatting), but we also said that we will be respectful and if one of us leaves a message during the week the other will have to call back in a timely manner, no matter how busy. So there is some sort of fixed schedule and rules, I like that.

Beside that, I don't know whether I'll see him before Christmas, but that's OK. I'm trying to think of him being on a mission to Mars or something like that...he can't talk, can't meet and can't think of me right now, but I'll wait and see him again when he lands back on earth.

We're not married (not even engaged) but after 3 years, I want to be there for him "for better or for worse."

Thank you all. I wish you love and happiness.

-M

Ok man. Try harder. Why would you think this? Maybe we Ethiopians are just too friendly and you misinterpret our friendliness the wrong way. Get a life man. If you think that way because I have my email listed, ok I forgot to hide my email but then again I don't care. You can email me too if you want. Guys Guys Guys Guys you twist little things and think she likes you or he likes you. ASSUMPTION IS THE LOWEST LEVEL OF KNOWLEDGE. You don't even know if I am in a relationship but your name says it all:

Dummy.

You are not talking to Haile Gebreselassie here friend you are talking to an Ethiopian who grew up here in San Diego. Haile would look at you and smile but not me. Now go to sleep or go watch CNN. or Jay Leno or something. Or go run and think about Haile when you run and try to remember his form as you are running and it will help you fix yours trust me it works.

please don't take offense to this (or try not to) but WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!?!? call each other ONCE A WEEK?! personally, i think that if you really like somebody, you will make time for them no matter what. my bf works soemtimes 16 hours per day and we usually send each other a nice email, we text throughout the day (esp at night) and always plan soemthing for later in the week to look forward to. i'm sorry but if this guy is really into you, he'd make more time for you. why have a boyfriend that you're never going to see? if i were you, i'd tkae a break and see what else is out there. seriuosly, this guy is not worth your time, actually, waht time is he even giving you?? why date a guy who you talk to "once a week" when u could probalby find another guy who is there for you MUCH more. i don't get it.

i am in college too wrote:

he's cheating on you with me. open up your damn eyes. he needs his space, so he payed me to get his dick wet.

Haha, this one made me laugh when you said: paid me to get his dick wet.

Hmm, that's not funny.

I agree with this completely. If you care for someone and truly want to be in a relationship you will want to talk more than once a week.I know it is hard to see when you feel hurt but if I were you I would take this opportunity to see who is else out there... isn't there some book called he just isn't that into you..that is exactly how this situation sounds

after perusing this thread i find myself thinking... wow, this young lady is very thoughtful, very caring, and while i am sure her boyfriend is as well, i cant help but feel that she deserves better.

sure he is busy with school but to talk only once a week especially during a time of transition is putting his work, his career far, far ahead of the original poster's emotions.

having been in a similar situation in the past, i can say that in hindsight, breaking up was difficult but it felt empowering to take the reins and really deeply respect and revere my own needs.

so i suggest that you consider your own needs. yes, you have shared three years together, but there will be others, and if it is not providing you what you need from a relationship, then perhaps you are best to break up and begin the next chapter.

hesse

that is ridiculous. Is he so damn busy he can't take 20 minutes out of everyday to have a short conversation?? There's no way he doesn't have at least 20 minutes everyday to be idle or when he's surfing the internet for porn