Girlfriend needs money for a car - should I help her?

Paper clip is right. She is a moocher. She really asked you for that much money? I would never ask a boyfriend (or anyone for that matter) for money. I'm a 21-year-old poor college student too. Maybe I don't share a one-bedroom apartment with the rest of my family and I drive a fancy-schmancy '94 Honda (don't be jealous), but that's because my parents have at least some financial knowledge and work for a living along with me having a part-time job. If I didn't have a car, I'd ride my bike. Twenty miles isn't that far. Or I'd save up my money to buy one. She has a car though. It sounds like she is using you to get out of her present situation. If you really do care about her, the best thing to do is not to give her the money. She can get by with the car she has until she graduates and hopefully finds a real job. Until then, she needs to grow up.

guess your getting the consensus? ... big accident waiting to happen in the car or not

I love this message board. People seem to get themselves into all kinds of odd situations requiring advice, then usually proceed to ignore said advice if they don't agree.

OP, I'm the kind of guy who would sympathize with your situation, and at first would have even considered giving the money. However, after literally EVERY SINGLE person who has responded has said it's not a good idea and given good reasons, I would also have to concur. In all honesty, no good can come of this. 10 years down the line, if you're still with this chick, will you look back and think "man, if I hadn't bought her that car this whole thing would have never worked out. What a great decision!"

No. The answer, is no. You know what needs to be done.

I'm interested to see how this turns out.

I would do her in the backseat and spooge all over the back seat so she can't forget you in the event she doesn't pay off.

desert rodent wrote:

Yes, 26 is old. At that age neither one of them should have an attachment. If she is a poor college student working full-time, where does she get the time for this boyfriend indulgence?

Also, isn't it the FATHER'S responsibility to provide for his daughter; not the boyfriend's.

I don't get it. 26 is old, but too young to have an attachment? I agree with you about the attachment part, but don't think 26-20 is a old man/young girl relationship.

Surprise! wrote:

I agree with you about the attachment part, but don't think 26-20 is a old man/young girl relationship.

Yeah, it is. 4 years would be about right... 25/21. Do the math... would you think it's okay for a 22 year old guy to date a 16 year old? The gap can widen, but the younger you are, the closer the gap should be.

Most people change a lot between 20 and 26. Think back to when you were 20 and think about the people you dated and the misconceptions you had about life. It's not a ridiculous age gap for a relationship- but the issue seems to be more that there's a serious imbalance of power, and that giving this girl money will only deepen the imbalance.

The OP doesn't even try to put himself on the same level as his girlfriend- his attitude is that he's rich so he's going to help his poor girlfriend because he was given financial help when he was her age and because it's a pain for him to drive 20 miles to see her. If he were sprouting off nonsense about how her needs were his needs because he loved her, it would be equally foolish, but at least they'd be starting from the same silly spot. Instead he sees himself as her benefactor.

See as you've refuted every piece of advise given to you, I'd say you have pretty much made up your mind about the whole situation. It sounds like you've already made up your mind to give her more money. Let us know how it turns out...

Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime.

What you need to do is help (give, interest-free loan, whatever) her out in getting some breast implants (she's hispanic, she probably needs them) so that she can work a brass pole and make better bank and then pay you back and buy herself a Benz.

I'm sorry, but you are a stone cold moron. You've been with her for 4 months. You can't even be in the "love" stage of a relationship until at least 9 months or so. Even if you were in love with each other, that's a lot of money to fork over. Don't give her another dime and cancel that card!

Women typically see money as a sign that you really care about them. It's silly but that's the way it usually works. If you don't offer something she'll think you just want to use her. Compromise and giver something to help that's meaningful. You'll see a change in the way she treats you. If she walks away later just chalk it up to experience. You'll actually save money in the long run because then you'll know she was a user and not worth the effort of a real relationship.

inchworm wrote:

Should I help her? .... I also don’t want her to take it for granted or take advantage of me.

Can't tell how old this post is but I was in a very similar situtation as you about 2 years ago, only difference was the girl was my age. I took a leap with my heart and didnt' think with my head, needless to say she kept milking me for more and more and more until I had no savings left. The result the money was gone and so was she. I'm not saying she is using you but just think how you would feel if you give her the money then all of a sudden something dramatic happens and she needs more and you give it to her and the cycle repeats its self. You'll be left pennyless and hurt. So if you are anything like me you already gave her the money. I posted soemthing similiar to you years ago and I still went through with it. My advice do it this once but then you must make sure you both agree to certain terms in regards to money and what you will be giving her.

Um, it was 6 years old!

Pics???

You cant read?

inchworm wrote:

She's latino. And I'm very attracted to her of course.

update?

Wow this guy was a pretty good troll...

[quote]Flagpole Willy wrote:

Building credit is over-rated anyway. You can buy things with cash, and even when it comes time to buy a house, you can find many lenders who won't care if you have a credit score or not -- they will look at your debts and how much money you make.

Check out this pearl of wisdom from the resident financial guru.

inchworm wrote:

Should I help her?

Here’s the deal. I’m a 26 year old guy who makes decent money (80k/yr) and my girlfriend is a 20 year old college student. Right now she is driving an old beat up 1982 Oldsmobile and needs a new car to get to her job and to and from school.

She works full time and is saving up some money for a downpayment and plans to purchase a car next spring. I’ve already given her about $800 towards a downpayment and put a credit card of mine in her name as well to build her credit.

Ever seen the Seinfeld episode where he starts having sex with the cleaning lady, then eventually she stops cleaning the apartment and takes the money anyway after having sex?

This is not like that, but it did make me think of it.

My other thought was you sound like the guys I see on Judge Judy who have had their girlfriends take advantage of them.

Oh, yeah, I just remembered why I thought of Seinfeld. The cleaning lady turned into a prostitute, and you my friend, are turning into a sugar daddy. She's doing to you what Lucas and Spielberg did to Indian Jones. She's doing to you what Zed did to Marsellus in Pulp Fiction. What the bullqueers did to Andy in The Shawshank Redemption.

Don't be a fool with your pants on the ground. Cut up the credit card. Let her get her own car. If and when you ever get married, that's the time to start melding in such ways. You haven't known her long enough. All she should expec from you is to hold off your orgasm until she's had hers. Anything else, and you're getting Zedded.