Homer: "Ok, brain. I don't like you and you don't like me. So let's just get this over as quickly as possible so I can go back to slowly killing you with beer."
Homer's brain: "It's a deal!"
Homer: "Ok, brain. I don't like you and you don't like me. So let's just get this over as quickly as possible so I can go back to slowly killing you with beer."
Homer's brain: "It's a deal!"
"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how drunk you get."
Hope this hasn't been posted:
Man: Uh, sir, you can't operate a boat under the influence of alcohol.
Homer: That sounds like a wager to me!
oh yeah, a few others
Marge: Why do you have so many bowling balls?
Homer: Ah, I'm not gonna lie to you, Marge. So long.
Marge: Homer, what are you doing?
Homer: Marge, I cannot tell a lie.(pauses) Goodbye.(walks away)
Marge: We're late for church! I'm glad I dressed last night.
Homer: Oh, I'd love to go with you honey, but I got a lot of work to do around the bed.
Marge: Homer, the Lord only asks for an hour a week.
Homer: Well in that case he should've made the week an hour longer… Lousy God.
"When I was seventeen
I drank some very good beer.
I drank some very good beer
I purchased with a fake ID.
My name was Brian McGee.
I stayed up listening to Queen.
When I was seventeen.”
"Oh, you mean SideSHOW Bob."
"Lisa, vampires are make-believe, just like elves, gremlins and Eskimos."
Homer: "Marge, please, old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use."
Marge: "Homer, would you please stop reading that Ross Perot pamphlet?"
Kent Brockman: "Well, what do you say to the accusation that your group has been causing more crimes than it's been preventing?"
Homer: "Oh, Kent, I'd be lying if I said my men weren't committing crimes..."
Kent Brockman: "...Well, touché."
Homer: you gave away both your dogs?!?! You know how I feel about giving!!
"Dude, meet me in Montana. XXOO --Jesus"
To Bart:
Everybody dies, son. You could wake up dead tomorrow.
Unrated wrote:
Doctor Hibbert: It could vastly increase your brain power, or it could kill you.
Homer: hmm, Increase my killing power ehhh?
This wasn't Doctor Hibbert. It was when Homer went to participate in testing as a guinea pig. Your confusion may have come from the fact the Dr. Hibbert makes an appearance in the scene. He explains how after Homer's "hundreds of head x-rays" it is possible that no one previously noticed the crayon stuck in his brain.
"I know you can read my thoughts too boy. Meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow."
"Sometimes I'm like 'Yes Yes Yes! This rocks!' Other times I switch it up and am like 'No No No! Don't stop rockin!'"
someone already posted part of this one and i think this follows the line a few before mine about the lord only asking for an hour a week.
"why do i have to go to church, I don't even believe in Jeebus"
This was the first Simpson episode that watched completely by accident. Afterwards I was hooked. In it Marge is being seduced by the local bowling instructor with a heavy French accent.
Marge: "My, you sure do have a lot of bowling trophies."
Bowling Instructor: "Silly Marge, those tropies aren't for bowling."
Marge: "Well what are they for?"
Bowling Instructor: "They are for love-making."
Marge: "I was afraid you were going to say that."
I've used that line countless number of times and it's always funny. My wife sort of thinks that I may have overused it though.
Homer: [dragging angel] Come on-- Come on, angel. [grunts]
Marge: What are you doing with that?
Homer: I'm locking it up in my safe-deposit closet with my other valuables. [Opens closet door] I'll just leave it in here a few years and let it appreciate in value.
Bart: It's probably a million years old, Dad. I think it's as valuable as it's going to get.
Homer: [scoffs] That's what they said about this Billy Beer, smarty-pants. [pops tab and takes a couple of swigs] Ahhhh. We elected the wrong Carter.
Gun Shop Owner: Well, you'll probably want the accessory kit. Holster...
Homer: Oh, yeah.
Gun Shop Owner: Bandoleer.
Homer: Baby.
Gun Shop Owner: Silencer.
Homer: Mmm-hmm.
Gun Shop Owner: Loudener.
Homer: [Makes a drooling noise]
Gun Shop Owner: Speed-cocker.
Homer: Ooh, I like the sound of that.
Gun Shop Owner: And this is for shooting down police helicopters.
Homer: Oh, I don't need anything like that... yet. Just give me my gun!
Gun Shop Owner: [wrestles gun away from Homer] Sorry pal. The law requires a five day waiting period. We've got to do a background check.
Homer: Five days?! But I'm mad now! I'd kill you if I had my gun!
Gun Shop Owner: [dismissively] Yeah, well, ya don't.
"Awwww, 20 dollars! But i wanted a peanut."
Brain: 20 dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: "explain how!"
Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
Homer: "woohoo!"
This clip of homer never gets old
Wiggum: Send in the clowns... which one is it Mr. Simpson?
Homer: *laughing* well, if the crime is making me laugh, then they're all guilty!
Wiggum: Mr. Simpson! Which one committed the crime?
Homer: *laughing more*
Wiggum: Simpson!
Homer: *in a sad voice* four...
These are just from memory:
Homer(frustrated): I don't want to be a wannabe-league-bowler. I wannabe a league bowler!
Lisa: Good Luck with your trumped up lawsuit, Dad.
Homer: Thanks, Honey. That means a lot.
From the same episode
Lionel Hutz: This is the most open and shut case since my case against the 'never ending story'
Homer: So you'll take it, then?
Lionel: Homer, I don't like to use the word 'hero' very often, but you, Homer, are the greatest hero in American History.
Homer: Woo Hoo!
Homer(To a group of admiring parents eager to learn how he produced such a wonderful child as Lisa): I've always believed in the 3 R's: Reading TV guide, reviewing TV guide, and, uh, writing to TV guide.
to bart: one time, when i was a kid, I really wanted a baseball mitt, but my dad wouldn't let me have a baseball mitt, so I held my breadth until my face turned blue and I went unconscious and fell down and hit my head on the table
bart: dad, what's the point of this story?
homer: I like stories...