To all the people suggesting OP keep himself busy, plan trips, take up hobbies, keep training hard, etc. - it's true that these are wonderful things that help make life worth living, but ultimately they're just pleasant distractions that will come to an end. No single earthly thing will make you happy forever, no matter how great it is.
My $0.02 is that OP needs to find deeper meaning in life. Spend more time in prayer/meditation/nature. Spend less time on the Internet. Connect with your community. Find someone to talk to and/or seek professional help. Bring peace into your life.
100% agree, and that was really what was at the core of what I was trying to ask the OP about.
It seems no odd coincidence to me that the current generation of around 20-40 year olds in western societies are the least engaged with religion, least likely to get married, least likely to have children etc in quite some time and yet, seemingly, the most unhappy, discontent, depressed we have seen in quite some time.
I am not saying that to cast any aspersions, rather, because I fall squarely in that category and the times in my life I’ve felt the most lost and adrift were when I had the least emphasis on those things that actually turn out to be quite important.
Running: - No more PRs - Hard workouts take a longer time to recover from - Injuries tend to happen more frequently and take longer to heal
Running: - This is only a problem if you make PR as goal of running. Running is much more than that. - You don't need hard workouts. And if you feel like you do you need to dial it down, because what used to be hard workouts is now very hard workouts, which you don't need whether your reason for having hard workouts is improvement or enjoyment - This is where you learn to run slower. There is something beautiful about slow long runs. Everyone is different but there is a chance of injury if I do hard workouts but I never get injured doing slow long runs, which also has a therapeutic effect.
Finances/career: - Retirement is a long way off - Inflation is rising faster than wages - Further career advancement isn't worth the additional stress, responsibility, and working hours
- Agreed. This sucks if you can't find something you somewhat enjoy, or have another career goal while doing whatever you are doing temporarily (i.e. a couple years). - Doesn't matter what happens in the long run. Inflation comes and goes, might take a decade but it all evens out in the end. You have an inflationary period and then disinflationary or even deflationary period. Nobody knows nothing about where economy is heading. There was a poll where 100% of a few dozen economist predicted a rise in interest rates in the next 6 months or year (can't remember the details) and they were all wrong. Even if inflation is here to stay it will be balanced out with deflation in your life time, don't worry about it. - Agreed, so don't worry about career advancements.
Personal: - Friends and most other people in the same age-range are too busy with their families and don't have time to hang out - Grandparents have all died, parents are in their 70s and might not have much time left
- The more you are outside the norm the more problems you have, this is normal. So you either need to find more people like you or be like those who have busy family lives. - All the more reason to spend more time with your parents (either physically or remotely if you live far away).
Politics/world affairs: - Both the left and the right are getting too extreme - The easily extractable fossil fuels have run out. If we can't find more, the lack of dense, reliable energy will throw us back into a 19th century standard of living. If we do find more, the effects of climate change will throw us back into a 19th century standard of living.
- This is very worrisome to me as well. I'm genuinely sorry we are all going through this. We have never had this type of social decadence in a global scale before. Let's see what happens, hard to predict where this goes. But still in the end you have the power to limit your engagement with large portions of society if that makes you feel better, so not a huge personal issue, rather more a social/humanity issue. - First, a 19th century standard of living is what we might just need (though it would be good to have some luxuries like sewage systems, basic electrical equipment for light, heat, etc.). So even if that happens I would welcome it as humanity has been obsessed with economic "growth" to the extent that it is not sustainable. Whatever is coming is not that bad and if it's bad it is what is needed to balance our actions as a species. I still hope individuals will suffer as little as possible. Still this will likely take some time, so enjoy while you can.
Tech advances: - Social media is a net negative - Cool futuristic adventures like space tourism are only available to the ultra-rich - Technology is slowing down, 1972 to 2022 had a lot less change than 1900 to 1950.
- Agreed. I think the up and coming generation will likely realize all this and will either fix it or develop serious awareness around it (i.e. making mental health effects of social media part of education curriculum, etc.). No need to worry about this; it will be fixed in a generation or two. - I don't agree that this is "cool" in any sense of the word, but if it is for you, then you don't get to participate in space tourism, so what? - This is very obvious to me as well, though many on the forum don't seem to agree. The net effect of technological advances from say 1920 to 1970 is incomparably greater than 1970 to 2020. And why is this a problem? I think it's great! The improvements technology has granted upon us in the former time frame (even as simple as a washing machine, or light bulbs, or fridge, etc.) is all we need really. Whatever is developed technologically in the last 30 years is simply fluff with the exception of internet. Technology doesn't come free and comes with an expense, both cost-wise but even more importantly psychologically, so you have to pick your battles. Limitless technology is harmful, though humanity is yet to discover it. Your point is not a negative, it's a positive.
In short, I agree with many of your comments but don't see them as problems really. Other concerns you have can affect your life, but still very manageable. The important thing is most of these concerns are a cover for something else. That something else being, you are simply unhappy. There might not be a way to exactly eradicate that feeling, but I bet just "doing stuff" will help it a lot. As many others have said, do something physically very engaging and see if those points you make are still a problem. Put yourself in a difficult situation you need to overcome (whether it be a very long run or hike or climb or whatever) and you will see that those problems you listed will mostly disappear. And then they will appear again later on and then they disappear again and so on and so on and then you die.
As having similar problems myself, I think the best remedy is to realize that there is no "free will". It's a hard pill to swallow, but once you come to that realization, you will just realize as if you are an actor that exists this tiny portion in time. You didn't exist billions of years until 30-35 years ago and you won't exist for billions of years after you die. And whatever you do here is pretty much out of your control, it's really not much you can do. That "letting go" feeling (this kind of thinking was also in Fight Club where they had the car accident if you know the movie), will make you kind of let go of control and set you free.
100% agree, and that was really what was at the core of what I was trying to ask the OP about.
It seems no odd coincidence to me that the current generation of around 20-40 year olds in western societies are the least engaged with religion, least likely to get married, least likely to have children etc in quite some time and yet, seemingly, the most unhappy, discontent, depressed we have seen in quite some time.
I am not saying that to cast any aspersions, rather, because I fall squarely in that category and the times in my life I’ve felt the most lost and adrift were when I had the least emphasis on those things that actually turn out to be quite important.
Totally with you. Appreciate the great conversation.
In my case, the façade crumbled about three years ago. Mid-30s, married, two toddler-aged kids, two dogs, busy leadership job in technology, in PR shape and training for a marathon at the time--so by all appearances I had plenty of amazing, important things going on. But one day--and I still remember it vividly--I came to a stoplight about a mile from my office and something just snapped in my brain that sent me down a similar nihilistic spiral to what you described. It was a rough year or so after that but eventually I found my way.
For me, I had accumulated an incredible number of good things but had been so busy and going so fast that I never realized I was missing that inner peace, and it wasn't until I went back and addressed the core issue that I was able to find happiness again.
Try to find something that matters to you, a project you can be passionate about. Also, Kipchoge just won the olympics at 36. IMO, you are at peak long distance age.
100% agree, and that was really what was at the core of what I was trying to ask the OP about.
It seems no odd coincidence to me that the current generation of around 20-40 year olds in western societies are the least engaged with religion, least likely to get married, least likely to have children etc in quite some time and yet, seemingly, the most unhappy, discontent, depressed we have seen in quite some time.
I am not saying that to cast any aspersions, rather, because I fall squarely in that category and the times in my life I’ve felt the most lost and adrift were when I had the least emphasis on those things that actually turn out to be quite important.
Totally with you. Appreciate the great conversation.
In my case, the façade crumbled about three years ago. Mid-30s, married, two toddler-aged kids, two dogs, busy leadership job in technology, in PR shape and training for a marathon at the time--so by all appearances I had plenty of amazing, important things going on. But one day--and I still remember it vividly--I came to a stoplight about a mile from my office and something just snapped in my brain that sent me down a similar nihilistic spiral to what you described. It was a rough year or so after that but eventually I found my way.
For me, I had accumulated an incredible number of good things but had been so busy and going so fast that I never realized I was missing that inner peace, and it wasn't until I went back and addressed the core issue that I was able to find happiness again.
Man, I've had the "what's the point? debate a thousand times over in my head. One day, I had a similar awakening. I was at my desk, watching cars drive past on the highway and being jealous of them. At that point I had a George Costanza moment where he starts doing the opposite.
I made the decision that I was going to focus on what makes me happy. No more going in to work early, staying late, worrying about things in my off time. No more happy hours after work with the same boring people, talking about boring work BS. I ditched some of my old routines, cut out some of my friends and made new ones. If something sounded even remotely fun, I did it. I drove hours to race and stayed with people I barely knew. I'd call off of work just to ride my bike. Went out of my way to meet new people (all that really took was being friendly, ask a lot of questions). At work, I shifted my mindset from "is this good for my career?" to doing work purely to help out my coworkers. That made a big difference. I get no motivation from creating something that makes the company tons of money, but I love the idea of making someone's life easier...giving them the opportunity to cut out early and do something they like. Around this time I also sat down with an excel sheet and listed out all of my expenses, down the the penny. I cut out every cost I could that was cutting into my bottom line. I decided to only use my money as a resource for myself and not for buying things "because I should".
Basically, it was a wholesale change, I went from just muddling through everything, being stressed all the time and getting nowhere, to a point where I only did things that were beneficial to my happiness. I changed from doing what I was supposed to do, to doing what I want to do. It was all very selfish at first, but it turns out, helping people out gives me a great deal of happiness.
The results were great. My career absolutely took off, I've been promoted three times since then. I met my wife, we have 3 kids and are building a great life. I have plenty of money and rarely worry about that. I'm happy to help people out with just about anything. I'm active with my kids school and church. I doubt any of that would have happened if I just kept moping through life like Eeyore.
100% agree, and that was really what was at the core of what I was trying to ask the OP about.
It seems no odd coincidence to me that the current generation of around 20-40 year olds in western societies are the least engaged with religion, least likely to get married, least likely to have children etc in quite some time and yet, seemingly, the most unhappy, discontent, depressed we have seen in quite some time.
I am not saying that to cast any aspersions, rather, because I fall squarely in that category and the times in my life I’ve felt the most lost and adrift were when I had the least emphasis on those things that actually turn out to be quite important.
Totally with you. Appreciate the great conversation.
In my case, the façade crumbled about three years ago. Mid-30s, married, two toddler-aged kids, two dogs, busy leadership job in technology, in PR shape and training for a marathon at the time--so by all appearances I had plenty of amazing, important things going on. But one day--and I still remember it vividly--I came to a stoplight about a mile from my office and something just snapped in my brain that sent me down a similar nihilistic spiral to what you described. It was a rough year or so after that but eventually I found my way.
For me, I had accumulated an incredible number of good things but had been so busy and going so fast that I never realized I was missing that inner peace, and it wasn't until I went back and addressed the core issue that I was able to find happiness again.
Ditto, and glad to hear you’re doing well, now!
Unfortunately, no kids for me yet so I have not gotten to experience that added stressor haha. I have had conversations with both of my siblings and their wives of similar though, so it makes me wonder if that’s somewhat a function of juggling being responsible for multiple (crazy) little humans.
I’m no doctor or psychiatrist, rather, just a guy who has been in a similar, flirting-with-nihilism state as the OP seemed to be. From the outside looking in, there are for sure stressors at every stage of life that could lead the mind to some dark places.
It seems recognizing when it’s happening and doing something about it is critical (ie basically what you described of your own situation). The worst thing to do seems to be looking at nothing but the external, finding the bad in them, and dwelling on that (ie what the OP’s list seemed to do).
Life is a messy thing and is tough to sort through much of the time. It just seems as though the solution is never to focus on the messiness or even to distract yourself from it. Rather, to tackle it head on by trying to taking on what you can and stumbling through as best you can.
- Hard workouts take a longer time to recover from
- Injuries tend to happen more frequently and take longer to heal
Finances/career:
- Retirement is a long way off
- Inflation is rising faster than wages
- Further career advancement isn't worth the additional stress, responsibility, and working hours
Personal:
- Friends and most other people in the same age-range are too busy with their families and don't have time to hang out
- Grandparents have all died, parents are in their 70s and might not have much time left
Politics/world affairs:
- Both the left and the right are getting too extreme
- The easily extractable fossil fuels have run out. If we can't find more, the lack of dense, reliable energy will throw us back into a 19th century standard of living. If we do find more, the effects of climate change will throw us back into a 19th century standard of living.
Tech advances:
- Social media is a net negative
- Cool futuristic adventures like space tourism are only available to the ultra-rich
- Technology is slowing down, 1972 to 2022 had a lot less change than 1900 to 1950.
Two things: 1. You should probably get married and have kids if you haven't. 2. Both parties are not becoming more extreme. There is a reason moderates are overwhelmingly siding with conservatives. Because they have remained relatively the same. Advocating for liberty, freedom, and smaller government. The left however is calling for more censorship, increasingly engaging/encouraging violence, believe that 10 year olds should have permanent sex reassignment surgeries, higher taxes, more government overreach, more encroachment of the second amendment, promoting sexual ideologies in schools (grooming), and have moved away from 'Safe, Legal, and Rare' to celebrating abortion and believing that abortion should be legal up to and including birth. If those things don't sound like your democrat party, you're more moderate than you might think, and may not have realized how far left they have went. The parties are further apart than ever, but it's because one of them took off running while the other stayed relatively in the same spot.
Oh, I've been in your shoes! One day, in my mid-thirties, I simply got sick & tired of being sick & tired. And, I asked myself: Am I a person that I would like to hang-out with? I answered, "No." Who would want to be around that negativitiy!?! And, I started trying to view the world as a glass half full.
It sounds simple, but it wasn't. I stumble into negativity again & again. But, I try my best to be positive.
I, too, know how important exercise is to my mental well-being. Thirty of minutes of running increases your hormones--including anti-depressant hormones--by 550%! (I got that statistic from Steve Magness' webpage.) Get your run in! I can feel the difference between getting a run in before work & when I don't. Yikes!
You have nothing to look forward to? Nothing wrong with that. Just be happy being where you're at but if you're not happy being there find something to look forward to. Also if you're depressed please get some therapy. There is nothing wrong with asking for help.
Been where you are dude. The advice to get married and have kids is not realistic because, you gotta actually meet someone first. that won't happen until you find yourself and your people. Read hank jr's post carefully.
It is probably the most relevant to what turned me around. I started getting satisfaction out of making things better for other people either at work or volunteering in a running club i was in at the time. Change something. Say Yes to every invitation, think about something in your city that drives you crazy and find out how to get involved to make it better. the other thing that was a wake up call is seeing how life may if you make it to 80+. if you are lucky, you will still be mobile and able to live on your own. But your walking, driving, and let alone running days could be long gone and you may be dependent on others to get you through the day. When i saw how life could potentially be, i started not giving a sh$* how slow i was running, i became really thankful at being able to be out there.
You have a skill that can be useful: volunteer as a coach. Help some younger runners reach new heights, it is just as gratifying as doing it yourself, sometimes even more so.
Life is about building relationships and building culture, running is just one of the many great pursuits where you can do that.
Wtf? Anyone with any sense would say that technology advances have accelerated since the Renaissance.
Letsrun.com alone is enough to put the last 50 years ahead of any other time period.
1900 had no heavier-than-air aircraft, and 1950 had supersonic flight. And that's just one example out of many.
Life in 1972 wasn't that much different than today. We had cars, color TV, microwave ovens, nukes, spaceflight, rubberized tracks, 1200' tall skyscrapers, and even basic video games like Pong. It's not even close to the difference between 1900 and 1950.
Not true at all. You need to read more tech/scientific literature. We can edit genes, we can compute, communication are far more advanced. Lots more things recently.
You don’t want to work hard to achieve anything. Of course you have nothing to look forward to.
I assume you could have been a faster runner, but didn’t care to train hard.
I made $95K last year.
There's a balance in everything. What's the point of putting in longer hours to get more money if you're stressed out and don't have the time to enjoy the cash? What's the point of running 110+MPW if you're taken down by injuries and inadequate recovery time?
Work and run smart, not hard.
Your last line is correct.
You can work smart and advance your career without putting in longer hours.
Come up with some efficiencies or something big that will have an impact. Though you said you didn’t want more responsibilities. You do need that too move up.
100% agree, and that was really what was at the core of what I was trying to ask the OP about.
It seems no odd coincidence to me that the current generation of around 20-40 year olds in western societies are the least engaged with religion, least likely to get married, least likely to have children etc in quite some time and yet, seemingly, the most unhappy, discontent, depressed we have seen in quite some time.
I am not saying that to cast any aspersions, rather, because I fall squarely in that category and the times in my life I’ve felt the most lost and adrift were when I had the least emphasis on those things that actually turn out to be quite important.
I feel immense empathy for the OP and have been in his shoes more often not. Part of this conversation IS identifying the disastrous flaws in the social framework today. As I see it, America is tragically addicted to the neoliberal model of going to college, earning your degrees, getting the highest paying job possible while paying chintzy lip service to “following your heart,” getting married by 30, having kids soon thereafter, buying a house with interest rates, and trading up and consuming more and and not giving a genuine fxck about others and then dying. This isn’t even the Brady Bunch at this point. This is a perverted dystopian Brady Bunch. There literally are no other viable models. Millennials are taking it on the freaking chin. We in Gen X aren’t much better off. This place will crack apart if we don’t get serious about providing some more realistic life pathways for the wonderfully diverse people that we are.
To all the people suggesting OP keep himself busy, plan trips, take up hobbies, keep training hard, etc. - it's true that these are wonderful things that help make life worth living, but ultimately they're just pleasant distractions that will come to an end. No single earthly thing will make you happy forever, no matter how great it is.
My $0.02 is that OP needs to find deeper meaning in life. Spend more time in prayer/meditation/nature. Spend less time on the Internet. Connect with your community. Find someone to talk to and/or seek professional help. Bring peace into your life.
This post is on the money. It's good to be active, but that alone won't solve an existential crisis. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle is a good read for anyone in a position like this. Simply "being" is purpose enough alone really, once you arrive back at place of true awareness.
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