Running etiquette: When should you say 'Hi" to another runner?

Thank you. It's not that women are "offended" by men saying hi to them. It's that our natural reaction is to be guarded, so when you only have a couple of seconds to interact and get a feel for that person, it usually results in ignoring them.

This might seem outdated to some of you, but I believe in the Golden Rule. I treat other people the way I'd like to be treated. Just the good manners my parents raised me with. When it comes to running, I prefer to be left the f*ck alone. Therefore, I always do people the courtesy of never saying hello. If acknowledged, I'll respond, but otherwise I'm plowing ahead. You're welcome.

I was thinking about this the other day. Over the years, the friendly hellos have disappeared.

Twenty years ago, I ran with a local group here in Vancouver, Canada, and we used to say hello to every runner or walker we passed on the trail as was the custom. Mind you, this is before iPods and other devices.

I remember several years later I got into biking (casually) but would bike to work along the paved shoulder of the highway. Whenever I passed another cyclists, even if they were on the opposite side of the highway, 8 lanes plus a center meridian away, there would always be a wave.

Those days seem to be over, unfortunately.

I think waving rather than shouting hi is more appropriate in the COVID era. I feel like people in my neighborhood are waving more during the pandemic. I usually try to make eye contact before waving. Young (say 16-25 y.o.) women are the most unpredictable for me - many will avoid all eye contact, but others are the most effusively friendly.

I greet runners with a good morning or hi only if it's bad weather or we're running super early. Feels like we are sharing in the grind or something. Running mid day there's so many people out that it's not worth it to shout HI at everybody.

I don't say anything to women runners because I figure they don't want a random dude talking to them. Kinda sexist but it is what it is.

momof5 wrote:

I only say hi to those not wearing a mask these days!

+1

BOHICA wrote:

lwood wrote:

Great topic. My experience has been that the guys always wave/nod and girls don't even make eye contact. Would love to know the psychology behind that ?

Your general demeanor is that of a sex offender, that's what's behind it.

You work for Runners World don't you?

So being rude and not acknowledging a fellow runner is better than assuming all guys are sexual harassers?

txRUNNERgirl wrote:

Thank you. It's not that women are "offended" by men saying hi to them. It's that our natural reaction is to be guarded, so when you only have a couple of seconds to interact and get a feel for that person, it usually results in ignoring them.

So a girls assumption is that most guys are out running to find girls to run after?

You’re not even fast bro.

lwood wrote:

txRUNNERgirl wrote:

Thank you. It's not that women are "offended" by men saying hi to them. It's that our natural reaction is to be guarded, so when you only have a couple of seconds to interact and get a feel for that person, it usually results in ignoring them.

So a girls assumption is that most guys are out running to find girls to run after?

I think her point is that some people have had bad experiences after saying 'hi' back/being friendly. I know I did with a lorry driver, and I had to literally run across a field, I was about 16/17 and he said something stupid. If you have 99 positive experiences and one shiity one that leads to something bad, then most likely yes, you are going to want to avoid that outcome again so you may be a bit more guarded. A bit like if someone kicks your door in - it isn't representative of people as a whole, AT ALL, but you are probably going to buy a chain or doorcam.

My eight ground rules on this topic:

1. Regular runners always get a wave with a glance. A more subtle wave for runners I don't recognize. If a regular doesn't reciprocate after 2-3 passes, I don't gesture further & wait until the person initiates [this can take weeks months or even years in some instances], no hard feelings.

2. Walking oldsters and seemingly out-of-shape individuals making an effort always get a wave, often with a glance and a smile.

3. Anyone out & moving in lousy conditions (sub-freezing temps, rain), whether grinding like Des/Yuki in Boston '18 or just shuffling along, gets a wave. For regulars in this instance, I'll throw in a finger point or thumbs up.

4. Solo walkers who appear able to at least jog have to wave first & I will respond.

5. For cyclists and dog walkers, it depends on my mood that day. Sometimes I'll wave at all that pass, sometimes half, sometimes none.

6. If I'm in the middle of a hard effort or struggling with form, a niggle or digestive issues, I will likely limit waves to 1., 2. & 3.

7. While running, I never speak to anyone with whom I'm not friends.

8. Anyone texting or talking into a phone gets ignored.

Why would you have accepted invitation for smoothie? In fact why did you not just ignore, or say, 'sorry don't feel like talking' , when he was chatting to you.

Whether you like it or not, it is just social behaviour. He was testing the waters to the extent that you allowed him to.

i do a quick glance in the other runners direction to see if they are doing the same or just looking straight ahead. If they are making eye contact, i do a noticable head nod, but can't say as i have ever said anything. Maybe they give a head nod back, maybe not, i don't really focus on it much. That's about the extent of anything you might expect around here.

There's a freakin' lot of runners around here and seeing another one is not such a big deal.

Yikes! wrote:

lwood wrote:

So a girls assumption is that most guys are out running to find girls to run after?

I think her point is that some people have had bad experiences after saying 'hi' back/being friendly. I know I did with a lorry driver, and I had to literally run across a field, I was about 16/17 and he said something stupid. If you have 99 positive experiences and one shiity one that leads to something bad, then most likely yes, you are going to want to avoid that outcome again so you may be a bit more guarded. A bit like if someone kicks your door in - it isn't representative of people as a whole, AT ALL, but you are probably going to buy a chain or doorcam.

To each their own. If I had 99 positive experiences I'd keep doing that experience.

I am Sam wrote:

In fact why did you not just ignore

I think she does now!

She was probably trying to be polite, as a lot of people try to be.

lwood wrote:

Yikes! wrote:

I think her point is that some people have had bad experiences after saying 'hi' back/being friendly. I know I did with a lorry driver, and I had to literally run across a field, I was about 16/17 and he said something stupid. If you have 99 positive experiences and one shiity one that leads to something bad, then most likely yes, you are going to want to avoid that outcome again so you may be a bit more guarded. A bit like if someone kicks your door in - it isn't representative of people as a whole, AT ALL, but you are probably going to buy a chain or doorcam.

To each their own. If I had 99 positive experiences I'd keep doing that experience.

So really, if you were assaulted you would keep saying hi? WTF. Doubt it, but keep living in your dream world...

lwood wrote:

Yikes! wrote:

I think her point is that some people have had bad experiences after saying 'hi' back/being friendly. I know I did with a lorry driver, and I had to literally run across a field, I was about 16/17 and he said something stupid. If you have 99 positive experiences and one shiity one that leads to something bad, then most likely yes, you are going to want to avoid that outcome again so you may be a bit more guarded. A bit like if someone kicks your door in - it isn't representative of people as a whole, AT ALL, but you are probably going to buy a chain or doorcam.

To each their own. If I had 99 positive experiences I'd keep doing that experience.

And if you had one percent uncomfortable experience, you might do what you could to not encourage unwanted attention. I think that is the point, and we can respect that for what it is and not be offended by it.

Well put. I could've been a bit less wordy. Run by feel, greet by feel, innit?