Mary Cain makes more allegations: Claims her HS coach took a perverse interest in the sex lives of his female runners

Is he ok?

is the life coach Jon Henwood? There was zero mention of him anywhere in the book but he coached her for most of her career. I found that odd.

I just want to say that I was a critic of Mary prior to reading this book. Not a vocal one, but one who did not like her articles in the NYT and other publications. I felt like they were so full of wrath and likely were not true.

I just finished this book and I cannot tell you how bad I feel for thinking those things. This girl was abused or tragically let down by every f***ing adult in her life. She is mad as hell and has every right to be mad. I felt the second-hand rage just reading it, and toggled between wanting to just give her a big hug and tell her everything was okay, to wanting to beat the ever-living crap out of some of the people she had to deal with along the way.

If for some reason Mary stumbles onto this thread, which is likely based on the book, I hope she knows that most of the negative comments are from people who did not read the book. If you have not read the book, I hope that you do. It is more important than some of it's predecessors because it is specific, honest, and believe it or not, she does take credit for a lot of what happened to her. You can tell she knows when she should have spoken up, but didn't. Imagine being mad at your 16, 17, 18-year-old-self for that?

I am not going to get into the way she was treated by the Nike team: that is for someone else to dissect. I place less blame on her parents than I used to, but I still feel like there were so many warning signs. Hindsight is always 20/20, so I give them grace.

Yes, she did unfairly go after a few of her competitors (Shalane and Jenny, mostly), but it does sound like she was flatly rejected by the running world on day one. She was incredibly lonely and it is painful to read this book as she begins to descend into depression, self-hatred, and rage. I sincerely feel for this woman.

Lastly, I just want to put a quick "thank you" out into the world to Centro for being one of the VERY FEW people who were nice to Mary. You can tell it meant the world to her and he just may have saved her life. I don't think this has been mentioned in the thread.

I reserved judgment until reading the book. After reading it, I have little respect for her. She really needs to get a better support system who can convince her to completely move away from her past.

She needs to forget about running and focus on medicine. Hopefully she can do this. Maybe she needs some kind of counselling to get over it and to move on. She was too young for the situation that she was in, that's for sure. Look at the average 16-17 year old. They're not emotionally mature at all (mostly).

Moving across the country was a stupid idea.

It's a shame, all of these girls, like Athing Mu... what could've been. Staying healthy (in every way) is one of the biggest obstacles to success it seems. Maybe there's more of a need for sports psychologists than previously thought. There's no good in your body being 100% if your mind isn't. I wonder how fast Mary could've run if everything had gone perfectly well? I also wonder about Athing as I believe she had the potential to run quite a lot faster. It's sad really. Unrealised potential. We'll never know. Could she have run 1:53?

She peaked as a teenager and then her body changed as she matured. There is nothing that she could have done.

I will buy/read the book and try to understand more about the case, so I can be informed and know more, but from what I see right now--she had/has struggles but she will never ever wind up on the streets or poor because med school and/or her wealthy family will always be there to provide for her. As long as she realizes that and not take it for granted, I will respect that.

Someone like her, from a wealthy family, will never go without. I see it on LinkedIn, FB and Instagram. There is a defined path: Lots of high-achieving HSers from wealthy East Coast families get into great colleges/unis (some go through sororities/fraternities, some don't), then land great jobs out of school in big cities along the seaboard in finance, med, law, business, media, etc. without a blink of an eye.

The rest of us have to work hard for scraps and/or figure it out. Must be nice.

That said, I do empathize with Mary in that dealing with other kids can be brutal, and she also had her own stuff to work on. But for the most part, girl has first-world problems.

thanks for clarifying, I misread what you initially wrote and it led me to believe the audiobook was a little different than the written one. All good.

It will be interesting to see how she makes it through med school. Very challenging environment.

Did you ever stop to question the premise that literally every adult in her life was abusive or failed her? That level of total institutional and societal villainy should invite at least some skepticism from a careful reader. I read the book and personally found it hard to believe that a young woman born on third base was let down by just about everyone (including her parents, when one thinks about it) at every turn and moment of her life.

In my opinion, Ms. Cain has a clear case of the martyr complex. This means she frames herself as perpetually wronged or suffering, all for the goal of gaining sympathy or moral authority.

Yes, I did question the premise, and even went into the book thinking this was the case. She would have to be openly lying about nearly everything in the book for that to be the case. If even half of what she wrote was true, she is - in fact - a victim of abuse for most of her life. She was quickly tucked away in this little world of running at Nike and had no way of ejecting herself. I guess I should ask you if you think she is lying. Do you?

I went in with an open mind and came away realizing that she brainwashed herself. I think she believes much of what she says. That is how narcissists cope in life.

I read the book and found it fascinating -- and credible. I did not realize that teammates could be so catty and nasty to each other. To say nothing of the adults. My own daughter's experience was very different, but then she was only a state-level competitor in high school and solid in college DIII. At higher levels, perhaps it is true, as Mary says, that runners just don't like anyone who runs faster than they do.

Ask Hedengren. Ask Valby. Ask ESP. Ask Schweizer. They will all tell you that coaches and teammates are good people.

So you believe all that BS about her teammates?? Wow. You’re gullible. There have been many reports stating the girls were all nice on the team and it was Mary who acted like she was above them. But God forbid they get to have a say to clear their name. She’s unbelievable

I also read the book and agree with this. Lots of folks here clearly did not, and some who did clearly did not understand the form of memoir she was writing. She was on the Creative Nonfiction podcast and gave a great interview about how she approached the book and talking about things in present tense and talking about how some of the things she was told turned out not to be true, and her decision not to say "now 15 years later I know I was lied to" when she mentioned those things (

podcasts.apple.com

The Creative Nonfiction Podcast with Brendan O'Meara

Brendan O'Meara

Podcast Episode · The Creative Nonfiction Podcast with Brendan O'Meara · 1 May · 1hr 38min · Video

Open link

). Most people here are just being reactionary and don't want to see any nuance in a story where it's clear that Mary herself knows she wasn't always perfect.

Also, the "Jenny didn't smile at me" stuff is SO minor and the fact that people are latching on to that instead of using it to understand the mindset of someone who went from one abusive situation to another just shows how little people here can actually read. Reading isn't just understanding the words but the message, the tone, the implications. If your takeaway from reading the book is that she has too many grudges then you clearly didn't actually understand the book.

Is she lying? People with a martyr complex often don't think they are lying. They believe their own distortions and genuinely experience themselves as the perpetually wronged or suffering in a disproportionate manner. It becomes their identity and how they live their lives. It's a terrible way to live. And for those unlucky individuals who brush elbows or share spaces with someone with a martyr complex, you can do nothing right. You are the villain.

Having a martyr complex doesn't give one a license to write a book and expect everyone to take it at face value, however.