TroLLminator wrote:
To all libtwats, here's a guide to the Trumpkin species:
The Trumpkins species evolved from Homo sapiens circa 2015. They are similar and sometimes undistinguishable from Homos, namely in their physical attributes, activities, diet, and habitat. However, the Trumpkin species has some unique characteristics:
Intelligence: Contrary to Darwin's Law, the Trumpkin species emerged from Homos, but with cognitive abilities wholly inferior to any other mammal. They are unable to engage in inductive or deductive reasoning, they lack emotional intelligence, and despite many having earned graduate level degrees, they are incapable of using basic logic. It is believed some of the more inferior Trumpkins can only communicate through emojis.
Religious: Trumpkins believe in an animal god, specifically an Orangutang. This is not uncommon to other faiths that worship animal-like Gods, but the main distinction is that the Trumpkins believe their God thinks and lives like them and is trying to save them from the Homos.
Survival Strategy: Unlike most species, Trumpkins take an unorthodox approach to survival. They voted for their God and claim as the POTUS, he is making their country great again. Directly connected to their subhuman intelligence, Trumpkins have not been able to understand their God is doing everything to destroy them and their country. A paradox is currently playing out as the Trumpkin God is walking off the plank with the whole Trumpkin species marching behind.
The above text should only serve as a primer to the Trumpkin species. If you would like to learn more about the Trumpkins, watch Idiocracy, considered to be the best Trumpkin documentary.
Leave satire to The Onion
