$18k engagement ring too much?

After ring shopping, it seemed to me like 10k-20k was the price for a ring that would look pretty normal, neither showing off, nor embarrassingly small. I wouldn't say 18k is clearly too much. A lot of people don't realize how much a "normal" ring costs. To put it in perspective, my wife, who mostly wears outdoorsy stuff and is pretty frugal, said not to spend more than 1k. I spent about 16k, and she said it's perfect and she's glad I didn't go overboard. She has no idea how much it cost. If she knew how much her friends' rings probably cost (a lot more than 20k), she would lose her mind.

Anyway, prioritize size over everything else. The naked eye can't really see quality, especially with modern cuts that have so much fire. That said, I have nothing against substitute stones like CZ. You can also get a much better deal on diamonds at estate sales and auctions, though you will get less sparkle because modern cutting techniques are better. Lab created is another option for cheaper real diamonds (with a clearer conscience). Whatever you do, don't buy from Cartier or Tiffany. The markup on what is essentially a commodity is shocking.

IIRC I spent about half that, about 15 years ago. I got something a shade under 1 carat, but the stone is of an exceptional quality. She gets compliments on it all the time. Go for a quality stone -- not some big yellow piece of crap.

Flashy jewelry is a sign of vulgarity and poor taste. If you feel compelled to catch someone's eye with an accessory, you lack substance. If you feel compelled to express your love through the purchase of said accessory, your relationship lacks substance.

Your first paragraph is spot on. Your second paragraph couldn’t be more wrong (except for the markup statement).

Colton . wrote:

want to propose by september. even if i did ask her, im 100 % sure - knowing her - this is the answer i'm going to get " anything you think that looks good on me".

what do you guys think, i have no debt other than a construction loan on a home i'm building

Spend 18k on a trip with her around the world. Spending money on diamonds is a total waste of money.

The stone is worth what a jeweler is willing to buy it from you.

Anything more and you’re paying too much.

I guess it is all a matter of what you value, but by spending that much on a ring you are basically just agreeing to abide by societal norms, rather than being the author of your own story.

Buy a $40 Enso ring and be done with it. Her reaction to that will let you know immediately if she is a keeper.

Mojo Jerkin wrote:

I guess it is all a matter of what you value, but by spending that much on a ring you are basically just agreeing to abide by societal norms, rather than being the author of your own story.

Buy a $40 Enso ring and be done with it. Her reaction to that will let you know immediately if she is a keeper.

IMHO, the Millennials should have taken this on as a major cause. They didn't. So the tradition remains.

My bet is that most girls would be fine with the $40 ring, but they don't want to be the ONLY one with the $40 ring. Think about all of the questions they'll have to answer, all the people who'll say, "Oh, let me see the ring," and all the explaining and defending she'll have to do of the boyfriend EVEN IF SHE WANTS NO DIAMOND. It really is a Catch-22.

One of my wife's best friends specifically told her husband NOT to get her diamond, and he didn't get her one. After like a month of being engaged, they finally went to a jeweler and picked out a ring with another kind of stone because of all the rude comments they were getting. That sounds pathetic, but it was just easier and she got a pretty ring with a sapphire or something. They said it was just frustrating trying to celebrate their engagement with everyone questioning the guy and making rude comments.

I think the tradition needs to be replaced with something more practical, or simply eliminated since it is no better than a dowry. Millennials, where you at on this?

LR confuses me sometimes (well most of the time). For a bunch of self proclaimed rich folks, why is spending 18k on a ring so crazy? If it's in OPs budget, why not?

Dropping 18k+ on a vacation that lasts a week or two is normal. Why not a ring that she'll wear every day for the rest of her life?

Like some earlier posts said, quality matters, more so than size, it's amazing how sparking a good quality and clean diamond can look - don't skimp here OP.

Good luck

I spent $15k and I can't tell you how many times random people have come up to my wife and complimented her ring. If you can afford it, do it. It may seem to stupid to us, but t her friends are going to ask to see the ring and you can absolutely tell when a girl knows she has a lousy ring. Don't put her in that position if you don't have to. But again, do not spend more than you can really affiord. If you can't pay cash then you can't afford it.

I ended up paying $21k for a custom made ring. We were shopping for rings and she fell in love with part of one ring. It is very 1940s looking. It looks unbeliavable and she gets great reponses every where she goes. It is nice to have something original with a little nod to the past.

18k on a one week vacation ain't entirely normal. over 2k per day?

derp wrote:

18k on a one week vacation ain't entirely normal. over 2k per day?

He needs to fly a couple hookers with him so his wife can't find out and get all first class flight seats. Expensive champagne and vodka bottle service everywhere. Penthouse hotel rooms. Courtside seats for him and the crew. There, easily 18k+. Anyways, marriage is legalized prostitution. So his wife will be more expensive in the long run and then the divorce kicks in.

Way to much you said your debt free outside of a construction loan. Which means you can't afford it or you would be building loan free paid cash. A good woman will appreciate what ever you buy her a better woman would say a cheap stone is fine and put the rest of your money on the home your building for our future family.

I think it's too much.

I spent $6500 on mine for a 1.2, which I thought was at the top of my range. I'd look for something in the $5k range.

I bought my wife a nice ring at the time (13 years ago). She gets some compliments. Maybe it's bigger than some of her friends' rings. Yay, my ego needed that boost. It's also smaller than some of her friend's rings. O no! My perceived d*ck size just shriveled.

Seriously though, I couldn't care less what anyone else thinks. And I can't recall the last time I actually noticed the ring on her finger. It's there -- she wears it all the time -- but 13 years in it's just another constant. I guess she likes it... but there are so many better things we could have done with that money. I'd rather have spent it on a killer experience that we could remember for the rest of our lives, instead of a glittery piece of rock.

Diamond isn't even very pretty in my opinion. There are so many cooler looking gems.

Wolfjaw wrote:

A good woman will appreciate what ever you buy her a better woman would say a cheap stone is fine and put the rest of your money on the home your building for our future family.

Truth!

my brother bought his new wife a 20K ring when they were both barely out of grad school, 200K in debt, living with my parents, and he financed over half that. But they are both ridiculously happy with their decision, and she'll have a ring for life that she loves and is stunning. Their financial situation will improve-- school debt isn't for nothing-- and this debt will be a blip in their lives.

Anecdotal evidence:

Spent $35 on the engagement ring. 21 years later still married. 10 kids, expecting #11. 45 years old, can still run a 1:16 half. Wife runs too, 42 years old, just did 7:59 mile at 20 weeks pregnant in the 11th pregnancy. I promise this is not a troll, just Google my name if you have doubts :-)

Cannot promise the same results just off the same investment, though, you have to do other things to compliment it.

Remember this - with your income, she will have to work some likely unpleasant job to pay off the $18K debt you are about to pick up. I would recommend trying to get creative and find other ways to express love and commitment that do not make the jeweler rich at the cost of making you and your wife broke.