Weirdo sayings from coaches

Teammate: "So coach, who was the girl we saw you at dinner with last?"

Coach: "Oh, just a old teammate I had back in college."

Teammate: "Really...so anything sparks flying there?"

Coach: "No, she's married...I'm not really into adultery."

while watching the girls pent. shot put in an empty field house.

coach: may day i like that one

may day: nah i like the blonde....that one

coach: man may day watch out for her teeth she could eat an apple through a picket fence my friend

needless to say i burst out laughing....everyone could hear me.....i was dying it was hilarious!!

Ronnie Warhurst has some gems.

When asked what was wrong with one of his athletes who had a less than stellar day, he often would respond:

"Rectal Cranial Inversion. Get the lad a shoehorn!"

After loading up the van for a road trip:

"Drop your socks and grab your c@cks, we're on the road."

And before every race, when someone looked nervously at him, he would smile and say:

"Relax... It's not the f#@%in' Olympic Trials!"

So I asked him what he wanted me to do at the Olympic Trials, and of course, he deadpanned:

"Well, it's not the f#@%in' Olympics."

I don't know what he told Sully in Sydney.

There are many more too numerous to count, including many pre-race and post-race showings of his tattoo. I'm sure others can add to my short list.

A teammate with enormous talent, but hated to train: "Well, we might as well hammer this, I'm in a bad mood anyway!"

Me: "Coach, what is the best way to run this mile."

Coach: "Go out fast, pick it up in the middle, then kick like hell."

Upon hitting 1:55 at the 800 of a mile, in a 4 X mile. I was about a 4:10 guy at the time. I could hear coach's voice from the stands, "Remember, this is a mile leg, not a half."

Malmo your killing me! I take it you tried the Naval Academy? Was Groves a good coach at PSU? Did you train harder in college or after? Thanks, haaa, your killing me

You haven't even scratched the surface of Cantelloism's, but unfortunately the good ones are team secrets...

Here's one I've been guilty of using myself whenever a distance runner is going to run the 400 for the first time:

Athlete: "How do I run the 400, Coach?"

Coach: "Run until you feel like you're going to puke, then sprint!"

I'm sure most of you have heard this, but still funny. Attributed to some coach many years ago, but reused many times.

Athlete asks, "Hey coach how do I run this 400?"

Coach replies: "Stay to the left and get back as fast as

you can!"

Ush,

that one had me rolling!

I heard a coach yell out " SLOW DOWN THATS TO FAST...YOUR GONNA BEAT YOUR PR!"

I just remembered this one

Future Coach "Yeah you have a lot of talent"

Athlete "I still have a lot of work to do...."

Future Coach "With my expertise I can get you running really fast"!

Athlete "I want to run a 4:00 mile this indoor season can you get me there?"

Future Coach "I can't promise you that"

Athlete "I need a coach who is confident in his coaching skills!"

After reading these I had to chip in an old college memory. It was during the cross country season and the XC team just had some kind of mis-adventure and the coach was giving us a little talking to...

"As individuals most of you are pretty good guys, but for some reason when you guys are together as a group there seems to be a lot of asshole potential"

I don't think anyone on the team could have said it better, from that point it was know as AP. I don't ever remember what we did. Good times.

My brother to Sam Bell, after getting smoked in a 5000m time trial: Coach, I don't think I know how to run on the track.

Sam Bell: Just keep turning left.

Once upon a time, many years ago, coach Warhurst stayed at my castle. I said, "Ron, I only have this pull-out bed in the castle. Surely, it will be uncomfortable." He said, "That's OK malmo, In 'nam I've slept in the mud for 30 days in a row."

Since Warhust rarely mentions his service (two purple hearts) in the Viet Nam War, I felt this to be an opening for a malmo-style inquisition.

"So, uh, like, Ron, what did you do?"

"I walked point" he said.

The only thing I knew about "point" is that Kirby in the 60s TV series "Combat" walked point.

"We walked in the jungle in our bare feet and with our pants rolled up." He further explained that it was the only way to feel for booby-trap trip-wires.

I said, "Barefoot..in the jungle? Weren't you worried about (poisonous) snakes?"

"Malmo", he said, "a snake can't bite you in half!"

Standing on the start line of an indoor mile race, I heard one of Jack Daniels runners ask him how he should run the race. Daniels replied, straight-faced, "go out slow and die". I had to laugh at the guy.

"time to take inventory men, check your shorts, if you got

two use 'em"

Athlete entering championship site: Whaddya think Coach?

Coach "this ain't no disco" (talking Heads reference)

Know the 6 P's Proper Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performances

Field events when someone goes ahead by a better (Throw/Jump) "Hey the price of poker just when up"

While trying to relax between heats/races

Athlete: whats happening coach?

Coach: Just chillin til the next episode

A few I've used

Spoken by my son's High School Cross Country/Track Coach.

"you don't have to train fast to run fast"

I'm not sure about the 6 P's, but I do remember a wise coach telling us about the 4 F's

Find 'em, Feel 'em, F#$@ 'em, and Forget 'em

I\'d eat a mile of her shit, just to see where it came from.

How horny are you coach?

I'd drag my balls accross ten miles of crushed glass to

smell the tire tracks of the truck that takes her panties to the laundry

I'd lay two days dead in the desert to f*ck a buzzard