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Tom "The White Russian" McArdle

laissez-faire · 2002-08-07T03:31:09-04:00

NEW LONDON, CT - Internationally renown film director Jackie Treehorn stunned both the distance running and porn communities with his unofficial road racing debut, a stellar 7th place showing at the John J. Kelly - Ocean Beach Road race this past Saturday in New London. The millionaire aesthete traversed the 11.6 mile path in one hour, seven minutes, and six seconds, averaging a swift five minutes, forty-seven seconds per mile. Or, as Treehorn himself quipped, "fifteen seconds longer than your average adult male lasts between the satin sheets." More perplexing than this sudden display of harrier acumen was when race officials announced Treehorn as the fourth place finisher in the 19-29 male age group. Treehorn, who resembles a man in his late 40's or early 50's, related, "It's a stressful trade, my business. It's hard enough on the performers, so to speak, but it is manifold more difficult on directors and producers, such as yours truly." He added, "I hope this will incite further relations between these two oft-misunderstood communities [running and porn]. As I understand, runners could stand to hit their carnal stride a bit more often, and, as for myself, I'm always looking for a few good woodsmen." Results available at: http://www.coolrunning.com/results/02/ct/Aug3_40thOc_set1.shtml

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